SRS So i ended a 3yr relationship officially last night *long*no cliffs*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Tattoo23, Aug 16, 2006.

  1. Tattoo23

    Tattoo23 Live from Canuckia

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    Alright where do i begin... 3 years ago i met this chick that was very good to me, she treated me right, she gave me my space when needed and sexually she was ok (not great... ok) She had a personal life with friends at the time which was great.

    now fast forward 2 years in the future, we now own a house (well technically i own it alone, but she lives with me and pays about 35% of all monthly bills) She has lost track of all her friends, so she basically depends on me for everything. Very clingny and annoying if you ask me...

    At that point i get a promotion at work, which forces me to travel and be away long periods of time, my responsabilities change drastically and i am placed in a position where i make alot of high pressure decisions. When i am home, my Girlfriend is acting submissive alot, she puts me in a position where i make all the decisions at home.

    Sexually, i get pissed off at her because she cannot satisfy me on her own will and i have to tell her what to do... and since she's uncomfortable with certain things (like blow jobs) she makes a huge fuss when i tell her to provide me with that...

    Go forward to 2.5 years. i haven't touched her for 5 months, i stopped loving her, i stopped telling her i loved her, basically.. she becomes a roomate. she tries to give me affection because she loves me and i am her whole world... but i don't care so i push her back... We had a discussion that i needed to have my space and we need a break. i need to put things into perspective. after about 2 weeks of discussions, we agree that we could, if we wanted to, see other people during this break. (we still live together because of the house and such... we get along good as roomates, so we see no need to part ways)

    So 3 months ago, i run into this girl, at first, to be honest, i wanted to get laid... it had been 8 months without sex (my libido prior to being with my ex was insane.. i could have sex every day, 4-5 times a day with the proper partner) so i start flirting with her and she's giving me a hard time, basically she's playfully testing me, her personality is a dominant one, to me that was a huge turn on... so i stepped back and acted more submissive (not to an extreme.. but enough to let her run the show)

    I notice that this new girl is strong willed, determined to suceed in life, intelligent, doesn't deal with crap.. and very very very open minded (but that's another post for Freakyshit forums :naughty:) so we finally spend a night together... 9 condoms later... she can barely walk that morning, best night of sex in my whole life... this girl was simply beyond amazing.

    Over the course of the last 3 months, started to spend alot of time with her, MSN, Phone, Real life.. i recently had to go to Phoenix on a business trip and didnt see her for 3 weeks, so when i came back, well let's just say we raped eachother again for 2 days...

    over the last week, she admited being in love with me, she told me that even tho she has a very dominant personality, for the first time in her life, she feels that she can give herself to me and let me control her, so thats new for her... and i've basically came to the same conclusion, that i can give myself to her and let her lead the way... our roles are interchangeable.. that is a huge huge turn on sexually and mentally for me and her.

    I've since then told her that i loved her... too soon? maybe... but i've been thinking of her non stop for 3 months... and she pretty much told me the same thing.

    The only *ONLY* thing i wasnt completly honest with this new girl about, is that my ex still lives in my house 2 to 3 nights a week (we live in different bedrooms.. and i swear to god i havent touched her or told her anything relationship like in 5 months)

    My main concern is that when i met this new girl, she was so strong willed that if i would have said, my ex lives with me every so often, she would have walked away. now that its getting more serious with me and her... well im hoping that if i have to tell her.. she'll understand...

    last night i went out with friends, and a good female friend of mine pretty much looked at me and told me i looked in love and it had been a long while since i looked this happy... that really got to me...

    i came home at 2:30 am... woke up my ex, and told her it was completly over.. and she needed to leave soon. (im not gonna make her homeless.. but i dont want her here for 3 months you know) she cried a bit (i know she wanted us to get back together.. but i just have no feelings for her at all, other than frustration) and then i brought her to her parent's place.. she'll stay there for a bit and slowly move her shit out.

    Now i've realised a while ago, that by doing this, i am risking my financial future.. i could lose my house, my car.. everything i've worked hard for... while i can Practically pay for it alone, im short about 500$ a month... i'll try to rent a room or something...

    I don't thing i've done anything wrong... my ex knew we took a break, she knew we could see other people.

    My new GF was told that my last relationship ended 5 months ago. and i've been 100% true to her.

    This being the Asylum, i'm hoping people can comment and tell me what they think from their perspective.

    now because this is OT, i'd normally offer pics of old and new GF, but i'll skip that for now just because the last thing i need is for the new GF to read this and A)Flip out about me not telling her my ex lived here up B) i posted her pic without her permission. so pls no request for pics.

    Thanks OT for any help and advice =)

    Oh btw, in case anyone asks. i'm 24 yo. Ex GF was 24 aswell, New GF is 20 YO.
     
  2. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    sounds like you handled it as best you could. I dont see any reason to tell the new g/f that your ex was living with you. You said your job involves a lot of travel, but maybe pick up a part-time job at a local mall or something folding clothes to help cover expenses.
     
  3. hewmanbing

    hewmanbing your mom is hot.

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    you didn't do anything wrong.. if you are still insecure about telling your new g/f about it, put some time between now and when you tell her, to the point that you know she wouldn't just break up with you for something stupid...
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    There's no reason for her to know. It's not like you were really "with" your ex. Why does she need to know the details?
     
  5. Minh Lam

    Minh Lam Active Member

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    Financially It is a funny situation. Even though on paper it is your house as such done forget that your ex pays the bills for everyday living. IF she didnt pay that she would of pay the home loan.

    Maybe best thing to do is sit her down and ask her finanicially that the right thing to do is discuss what she wants too because she has invested in a sense together with you.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Rent out the basement of your house. Make damn sure you meet your financial obligations. Shouldn't be too hard since you have a house and technically have the opportunity for rental income.

    Or better yet, YOU can move into the basement, and rent out the entire upper portion of the house.

    Since you say you're away a lot on business anyways...why not? And you'll make more cash, and a larger portion of the house will be more attractive.

    Rent it to a nice young family that will take care of the place/yard/etc while you're away.



    As for telling your new girl that your ex lived with you for the past few weeks..what's the point of that? As long as she's gone now.

    She basically camped out in a different bedroom for a few weeks past the official break up date. That's pretty normal actually since few people can just pick up and leave the same day of the big breakup.

    I'd just forget about it, it's not a big deal.

    And as for ownership of the house; its your name on the mortgage. It's your house. She contributed 35% toward daily expenses? So what. That's RENT. That doesn't give her ownership of the house.
    Just be nice to her.
     
  7. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    i agree with everyones advice. Just make absolutely SURE that if you decide NOT to tell this new girl that your ex was still living with you, make sure your new girl DOES NOT find out....
    because that will introduce trust issues for her in you, and basically screw up a good thing.
     
  8. Zenmang

    Zenmang New Member

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    If she does find out that you've kept something from her. It should still be ok. Nothing in life is perfect. You've done the right thing to this point.
     
  9. Bella

    Bella New Member

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    Where do you want me baby?!
    .
     
  10. stag3

    stag3 Quagmire(runs outside in a robe):Hey guys, what's

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    don't tell the new girl.
    it doesn't matter that you haven't been tapping the ex
    new girl's gonna assume you have been.
     
  11. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    It is refreshing to read a story like this that doesn't involve kids.
    Kids change everything. At the moment it is just 3 adults, they make there own messes and are expected to clean them up.

    At the moment it doesn't sound to me like the ex has done anything to deserve to be treated harshly, so be careful not to.
    On the other hand, she is in a postion to 'overstay her welcome' if you will. It is a fine line. Be careful.
     
  12. Tattoo23

    Tattoo23 Live from Canuckia

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    Thanks everyone for the comments, to give a little update, it's true that my ex doesnt deserve to be treated badly, it's just the end of the relationship, i could actually be friends with her (not gonna happen.. but im just saying, i have no grudge). So i discussed with my Ex and she is getting an apartment on the first of October, in between now and October first, she will sleep at her parents.

    Surprisingly, when her mother heard that we had broken up, she called me to tell me that they would take care of her and that all they wanted was me to be fair with their daughter. Completly understandable. Her parents really liked me...

    Now as far as honesty goes, well i played a bit on words, but i am surprised and highly satisfied with the results.. My new GF obviously knew that my ex at some point lived in the house with me, i've told her that when she left, there was alot of things she couldnt bring right away, so she comes in every so often to get some of her stuff, clothes, a few furniture pieces, ect ect.

    I expected her to give me an evil look but understand, she actually smiled, told me that she didnt care and she wasnt that kind of jealous girl, kissed me and told me that i was with her, if i wanted to be with my ex i would be... but i was with her... so she laughed and offered to help me pack my ex's stuff :eek3:. I declined the offer, but im highly satisfied.

    As far as financial goes, i'm still debating what i will do. My father offered help if needed but i really dont want to ask that of him. I will most likely get a very simple job. One of those 12 hour shift on saturdays/once a week. i've done my budget. it cost me 3000$ a month to pay everything and have a bit of spare cash. i currently make 2700$. So i don't need alot...

    other option is to rent out a room, im looking into that but ill try to get a friend to move in or something :x:. im financially solid till October, so i'll have time to make my decision.

    Thanks OT :hsd:
     
  13. Mark

    Mark Diesel Junkie

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    he did allot wrong. You cheeted and that makes you a bastard no matter what.
     
  14. Kytro

    Kytro I am become death, shatterer of worlds

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    Cheated....wtf? When...
     
  15. Kytro

    Kytro I am become death, shatterer of worlds

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    Dunno I guess it depends on the law. 2 yrs is defacto in Australia = you get 50% share unless there is a good reason not too.
     
  16. Tattoo23

    Tattoo23 Live from Canuckia

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    Actually i didnt, i told my ex that it was over, she knew it, but she just couldnt vanish from my life right away, she needed to find a place to live and such. i never touched her after that..

    My new Girl, well i didn't tell her my ex was living with me at the time we started to be together... but i didnt cheat either.. i was only sleeping with 1 girl, i might not have been 100% honest on certain details.

    But cheating i didnt do.
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    If i where you i'd keep quiet about the ex, if she asks for it says its ended long ago with her (its the past, a closed chapter*holding up your shoulders*:dunno)

    Then i would 'convince her' to stay into your house (it being cleared and free from the ex(and making sure the ex doesn't come to visit)) it should be no problem, letting her live for free for 2 months with you, and then bring up the issue if she could also bring in 35-40% in a gentle manner, if she refuses,or if it doesn't work out well then you could always decide wether you want to go in an apartment or not. I wouldn't burn my ships behind me just yet.
     

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