So i broke up with my gf of 2.5 years 4 weeks ago and now i want her back...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Ari1979, Dec 16, 2007.

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  1. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Our relationship had got to a very unhappy and unhealthy point and although she didn't want to break up at all it needed to be done. I broke her heart and she was absolutely crushed.

    I'm a very logical person, I know i was unhappy in our relationship. I was unhappy for about a year before i finally broke it off. Although i have to admit that i did try breaking up with her in the past but she convinced/deceived me into staying.

    About 1 week ago i realized that there is nothing i wanted more than to get back together with her so we met up to talk. I found out that she's been seeing this new guy and i know she thinks very highly of him. Son of a bitch wrote a song for her... i wish i could do that haha. Knowing all this has increased my desire for her ten fold.

    Last night i semi-convinced her that i've changed a lot since our relationship and that if we started again it would be completely different. I've convinced her to go on a "first date" with the new me and she has told this other guy that she cant see him as more than a friend now because it would be unfair.

    4 weeks ago all i wanted was to break up and now it's the complete opposite. I feel a passion for her that I haven't felt in a year and a half. Is my mind playing tricks on me? Am I just jealous and missing her? I genuinely don't feel like this is the case.

    For the majority of our relationship i wasn't a very good boyfriend but i now feel that things would be different if we got back together. I feel like i could make her happy.

    I need some opinions. Is it at all realistic to come out of the relationship from hell and get back together so soon and make it work? Has anyone else been in this position? She doesn't believe i've changed and i will have to prove myself, she's still heart broken and doesn't like me right now. Last night she implied that she wished we would just take time apart for everything to settle and then get back together x years from now and live happily ever after. I cant take the chance that some new guy will sweep her off her feet.

    Thanks for reading
     
  2. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Thanks for the input. I've definitely been considering this and i genuinely think you're wrong but i obviously have a very biased view.
     
  3. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I definitely do miss her as a person and of course the little things. After 3 weeks of getting shitfaced with my friends and macking bar sluts i realized that i'd much rather be watching a movie and eating junk food with her.

    4 weeks has definitely allowed me to think with more clarity and get my priorities straight.
     
  4. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    A lot man and most of it took place in the past year... I kissed another girl during frosh week last year because i was too much of a pussy to break it off. I had just gone off to university and i wanted to be single but i told her i wanted to do long distance. I didn't tell her for a month but once the guilt consumed me i took a bus in the middle of the night to her house and told her. Goodbye trust.

    I would lie and deceive her for various reasons and she sometimes found out. I always put myself or my guy friends first. I would ignore her calls (and she knew it) if i didn't want to deal with her even if i knew she was really upset. I would see girls that she was really uncomfortable with although i don't think that was a fair request of hers. It would be so easy to make her happy but i chose to rarely do nice things for her. etc. etc.

    I was a shitty boyfriend and i know that. I feel in my heart that that isn't who i am anymore and it took time apart for me to realize that.

    We both love eachother very much but i was far too immature to be in a relationship that serious.
     
  5. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Every piece of logic i have agrees with you but not my heart.

    Last night we met up and i gave her some letters i wrote for her and she agreed to take a leap of faith and go on one date with me. I wasn't prepared for her to say yes.

    Once she told me that people do whatever it takes for the ones they love and i was planning to sit on her front porch in a -10* snowstorm until she would give me the date. I'm thinking very differently than i was 4 weeks ago.
     
  6. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    It was her dependence that pushed me away in the past. i feel like she wouldn't be dependent if i wasnt such a huge asshole and i'm not anymore. :dunno:
     
  7. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    Well we'll have to see about that, i really hope you're wrong. I'm gonna rub it in your face if we're happy together months from now :p
     
  8. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I really feel like i shouldn't have told her i cheated on her and just learned from it. I'm talking to this really close female friend of mine. She and her boyfriend are totally in love, no drama, they always have fun together, life is perfect for them. He fucking cheated on her with his ex and she doesn't know it. :mad:
     
  9. phish

    phish hockey crew

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    You're a piece of shit. That is all.
     
  10. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    yea i probably should have let her be with that guy but it's too late for that. you're not in my position so don't give me: :ugh:
     
  11. phish

    phish hockey crew

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    Sounds like she's way too good for you. You fucked up. Move the fuck on.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I hate people like you. Do her a favor and move on by not talking to her and letting her find happiness in a boyfriend who actually gives a shit about her.
     
  13. low20

    low20 Member

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    dont do it man...u dont really miss her u just miss having a gf around...and besides YOU broke up with her and now ur trying to tell her that YOU changed? wtf man u turned it around on urself, maybe u were unhappy because of HER...dont cange urself for a girl, and besides a person cant change inbedded habits in 4 weeks so the whole thing is a bad idea and u will end up breaking up with her again anyway...move on
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    you're lonely, you miss her, and I'd like to know how you can completely change in just 3 weeks.
     
  15. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    I'm not siding with the OP or anything, but why does everyone say it takes time to change? it doesn't, there can be those moments where one thing opens your eyes and instantly your entire being is shifted. I know I've had those moments, I know most of my friends have had those moments and I'm sure you can look back into your past and find life changing experiences.




    Do I think he is sincere.. I dont think anyone can really know but him if he is or not.

    telling him to leave her alone is a waste of time. What you people dont seem to understand is that we as humans seek what is good for us and what makes us feel the way we want to feel. You'd have to come from the other side and tell her for it to have any effect on the situation, but you can't so dont bother.
     
  16. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    i wouldnt say being an asshole is a deep personality trait... because it was simply the fact that he didnt appreciate her, not women in general.


    i agree in his case it probably isnt going to change, however people saying its impossible to change in a month are wrong... some of the most drastic changes happen immediately, the only changes that occur of years are ones we actively try to control and change.

    maybe he just has a new outlook on the situation with her not a completely new persona. we can really only hope for the best with them.
     
  17. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Bullshit. That, honestly, just sounds like some shit you heard Anthony Robbins say.

    Drastic changes take time. The moment of change is "immediate" but preparation for change takes time. What you are saying sounds good,but it just simply is not true.
     
  18. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Everyones advise is pretty dead on, it's not her you want; its just just the intrigue you are after, the chase, that is igniting your desire. However she is still who she is, and if you get back together you will soon find yourself in the same predicament as before.
     
  19. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    it may not be true for you, but none the less it is true, and I've never listened to tony robbins or anything like that self help shit EVER.

    I've experienced instant change, I've also experienced long term change where I had to constantly remind myself of what I need to do.

    how is going from not appreciating to appreciating your girlfriend "drastic" it simply isnt, it is purely a mindframe.. had he been beating his girlfriend that would be applicable as something that would require long term change. The need to hurt someone is often programmed in at an early age and developed over the course of a lifetime.

    tell me i'm wrong again but it simply isnt true, theres no way you can debate it.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    My ex tried to tell me she's changed a lot in the 6 months since we broke up. She asked me if I would ever consider getting back together. I said no. Then she starting asking why and I told her she doesn't offer what I'm looking for in a gf. Then she got all bitchy and tried to start insulting me, etc., thus proving that she hasn't actually changed.
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    That being said, I've been in the same situation. I broke up with a gf of 3.5 years and, even tho I've moved on, I pretty much regret it every day :dunno: She's married now, and she says she's happy, so that makes me happy.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    What drastic changes have you made in a short amount of time, if you don't mind me asking.
     
  23. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    you only like the idea of her. you miss having the security and comfort of a girlfriend. you're interested in her because you're comfortable with her and you associate girlfriend with her.

    you don't actually want her. you just want to have her around.
     
  24. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    I believe you and I would have different definitions of what we consider a drastic change.. but I wasn't even arguing that drastic changes can happen instantly, if you actually re-read my post you'll see that I said something "drastic" usually takes time, however a mindframe which was the case with the OP can happen instantly.

    now re-read and then re-ask whatever it is you are trying to get out of me.
     
  25. Ari1979

    Ari1979 New Member

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    I am not stupid and before making this thread i carefully considered the possibility that i only missed the idea of her... the security, safety, etc. etc. I know that maybe in 99% of cases these are the reasons but after careful thinking i've concluded that my situation isn't one of them.

    We were both unhappy because she never trusted me after i cheated on her and we had MANY underlying issues that were never fully resolved. I also had a drug addiction (surprise surprise she didn't know about it) that i have since booted. Drugs sucked all motivation out of my life and this is no longer the case.

    What's done is done... We're going on a first date tomorrow night and i will have to prove myself. I told her today to set the bar at the level of her perfect man and if i fall short in any way she's gone.

    So we'll have to see what happens. If i'm wrong then i will have even more to regret and i will be crushed that i put her through even more bullshit. If i'm right then fuck you all for doubting me - i'll be sure to let everyone know. She is an amazing girl and if we had met 10 years later than we did we wouldn't have had any of these issues and we'd probably be married.
     
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