OK this will be long folks, so you've been warned. I'm a 23 year old man, and I think I may be gay, but I am not confident that its true. When I was very young I was sort of a sissy. I played with girls and I read Babysitter's Club books and stuff like that. I can remember having interest in guys from about 12 or so. That's when I was introduced to tranny porn and then gay porn. I would spank it to gay porn occasionally, and tranny porn frequently. When I was 13 I had my first same sex experimentation when my 16 year old neighbor brought me over to his house and we jerked each other off. I didn't know how I felt about it at the time. It was his idea after all and I hadn't thought about. As far as girls growing up, things never went much of anywhere. When I was young I had crushes on girls and I would go on dates but I never knew what to do. After a while I just lost interest in pretty much all girls all together, never went on dates. Never even got laid all through high school. The thoughts about guys kept getting stronger over this time. In my little hick high school we had a gay boy transfer, and I was always really interested in him for some reason. I liked hearing him talk in the effeminate way he did, and stuff like that. Never talked to him though. When I was 18 and moved to the city I decided to experiment a little. I ended up meeting an effeminate gay man who I started sort of dating. He was the person I lost my virginity to, and I became very inamoured with him. It didn't go anywhere and didn't last long, but I felt like there was potential for love there. After that I stopped experimenting and concentrated on girls. Dated 2 for about 6 months each. Things went ok, I almost felt in love with one of them, but they both ended. During the course of these relationships I had trouble being sexually aroused with them. Like I had erectile disfunction or something (never had this problem with the guy I was seeing). After those relationships I decided to take a break from dating, try to figure things out and fix some things I saw as problems. During this time I started college and was surrounded by some amazingly beautiful women. But no matter how friendly or close I get with these girls, I just don't feel attracted to them as a person. I look at them and I'm taken back by how beautiful they are, but I don't feel the butterflies or anything. However, when I'm around gay men, I sort of get that feeling, even if I don't talk to them myself. But I look at them and I just think "but that's a guy, he's not pretty or anything". A few other things make me think I might be gay. Like when my friends and I go to the strip club, I feel NOTHING. I have never gotten an erection at a strip club, even in private dances. I go to clubs and I dance with girls, but I sort of just feel like I'm supposed to do it, and when I get drunk, I act stupidly affectionate of the guys around me. Or if its like a special bar night the bartender might be shirtless and when I'm drunk I just can't take my eyes off him, then I realize what I'm doing and I have to go outside and smoke and try to put it out of my mind. So now I find myself attracted to random men. Mostly only openly gay men, but every now and then a seemingly straight guy will get my attention. I still appreciate the beautiful of women, but its like the attraction isn't there, but I feel like I'm fooling myself. Like I'm trying to CONVINCE myself that I'm gay but I'm not. I also sort of feel that if I just accept that I'm gay and come out, then suddenly all these gay thoughts will go away, only after I had crushed my parents by saying I'm gay and possibly lost alot of my friends. Or that if I came out as gay that I would meet a woman who I actually had feelings for, just seems like it would be incredibly ackward to say I'm gay, then come to the realization that I'm really not. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but I really want answers, I'm tired of living in uncertainty.