SRS Singles get in here... couples can see too

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by redna, Jul 16, 2006.

  1. redna

    redna New Member

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    I was talking with one of my friends the other day and he is really depressed about being single. He can't find the right girl because he's too picky (which isnt nreally a problem, he shouldnt compramise his standards unless they're unrealistic). anyhow, another friend of mine sent me this article so i passed it onto him. I (I'm in a 1 yr+ relationship) even thought it was very interesting to read and agree with almost all of it.

    maybe I'll dump my chick... :noes:



    Are you better off single?
    By Dawn Yanek

    Attention, unmarried people of America: You can splurge on a fancy new wristwatch without having to explain yourself. You can stay out till 3 a.m. without having to phone home. You can leave the toilet seat up. In fact, there are many, many ways that single life rocks, though you may forget that fact when your relatives are grilling you about settling down.

    Not only do you have the freedom to do anything you wantits also the best time in history to be flying solo. The marriage rate has declined nearly 50 percent since 1970, according to the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University, and right now, there are approximately 100 million singles in the U.S. And theres strength in those numbers: Todays choose-to-be singles differ from the poor-me singles of past generations; theres less of a stigma attached to being single, says Jerusha Stewart, author of The Single Girls Manifesta. Singles are traveling, buying homes and doing everything they want toyou dont have to get married anymore to live your life with style.

    Want more specifics on why you should celebrate being single? Here, 10 fascinating benefits to being unmarried:

    Reason ..1: You have a better body.
    Weve all been thereyou get into a relationship, and suddenly youre trying out new recipes all the time and cuddling instead of exercising. Well, things tend to get worse with marriage. A recent Cornell University study found that women generally gain five to eight pounds in the first few years of marriage and unhappily married women gain an average of 54 pounds in the first 10 years.

    For the unmarried, though, the motivation to stay slim remains: Singles look at themselves through the eyes of others and want to be attractive to potential partners, says Susan Davis, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in New York City, so theyre still working on themselves. In short, being single is way better than any New Years resolution or exercise DVD to motivate you to stay in shape.

    Reason ..2: Youre more likely to achieve great things.
    Its amazing what you can accomplish when you have the time, the quiet and the lack of familial responsibilities. In fact, your premarital motivation to excel in life may be biologically programmed. According to a study conducted at the London School of Economics and Political Scientists, male scientists who stay single longer peak in their careers later in life and tend to be more productive than their married counterparts. Researchers theorize that men, in general, may show off their talents to win the interest of women and then, once theyve won a wife, get comfortable and do less. In fact, studies have shown that testosterone levels, which boost action, decrease after a man gets married and has children. So single folk should know they are primed to achieve whether that means turbo-charging their careers or honing their rock-climbing skills and get out there and work it!

    Reason ..3: You do less housework.
    You know that saying about a tree falling in a forest and theres no one there to hear it? Well, if you leave a sock on the floor but theres no one else there to see it, does it really need to be picked up? If youre a single woman, you can contemplate deep questions like this one because you have more free time. According to one study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family, women do less housework when single than when married. Men, on the other hand, do more housework when unmarried (thats probably because theres someone picking up after them once theyre wed). So the message here is for unmarried women to enjoy their less chore-filled life; fill those free hours with classes, good books, blabbing with friendswhatever makes you happy.

    Reason ..4: You can do what you want with your moneyincluding keep it.
    Go ahead: Splurge on that pricey moisturizer or that obscenely large plasma TV youve been lusting after. You dont have to justify your purchase to anyone but yourself. Once you mix money with marriage, though, things changeand fast. According to a survey by SmartMoney magazine, 40 percent of women and 36 percent of men have lied to their spouses about a purchase. When youre single, your finances are your own, explains Phyllis Chase, a Los Angelesbased psychologist and co-host of the radio show Shrink Rap. When youre married, you have to deal with different styles of spending and saving, and you may take on your partners debt. And a marriage that doesnt make it for the long haul can also have a major negative effect on ones wealth. According to researchers at Ohio State Universitys Center for Human Resource Research, during a divorce, men and women generally lose three-fourths of their personal net worth. Double ouch.

    Reason ..5: You have better sex.
    Married couples may have more sex (approximately 98 times a year vs. singles 49), but singles have better sex. According to a recent study published in the British Medical Journal, married women are significantly more likely to report problems with their sex lives than single women. People who are dating have better sex because its novel, says Davis. Married people have to relearn how to play. Its natural for singles because thats the nature of a courting relationshipthey tease, they experiment, they explore. Nature lends a helping hand, too. According to researchers at the University of Pisa in Italy, raging testosterone levels in both men and women makes the sex hotter during the first two years of a relationship. After that, other hormones take overmost notably, oxytocin, a bonding chemical, kicks in. While getting connected and comfortable is a positive step in a relationship, long-term lovers have to work harder to keep things hot in the bedroom. Singles, however, sizzle just the way they are.

    Reason ..6: Youre better rested and smarter.
    While snuggling up next to a warm body can be pretty fantastic, according to a survey conducted by the National Sleep Foundation, your bedmate can cause you to lose an average of 49 minutes of sleep per night. Sleeping two-to-a-bed just isnt as restful as snoozing solo. Other studies confirm that singles generally get more rest seven to eight hours of sleep a night than marrieds, which enhances memory, mood and concentration, as well as allows your immune system to recharge. And, according to scientists at the University of Luebeck in Germany, creativity and problem-solving may directly correlate with getting enough sleep. In the study, participants were given a math puzzle; those whod had eight hours of sleep or more before tackling it were three times more likely to get the right answer than those who slept less. So, singles, revel in the fact that youre alert, rested and have that extra brain-power edge.

    Reason ..7: Youre less depressed.
    Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterpartsif youre a woman, that is. One report by the World Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and researchers at the University of London found that single women generally have fewer mental-health issues. Marriage, in many ways, seems to benefit men more than women, says Davis. For women, theres more of a loss of self. And, of course, todays women often feel like they need to do it allhave a career, take care of the kids and perform other traditionally female responsibilities. People who arent married are still investing in themselves, says Davis. Its not selfishits giving to yourself, and thats something married people can learn from single people.

    Reason ..8: You have better friendships.
    Significant others are a wonderful thing, no doubt, but friends count, too. And on that front, one study found that, when women get married and have children, they spend much less time with their friendsless than five hours a week, down from 14 hours. Singles, however, often have the greatest sense of friendship and communitywhich can actually decrease stress levels, according to researchers at UCLA.

    Here's another way to look at this: Singles dont rely on just one person to meet their needs. You dont automatically know who youre going to spend Friday night with, says Sasha Cagen, author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. The plus side is that you have a lot of different people in your life and potentially a greater sense of social possibilities.

    Reason ..9: Your travel tales are enviable.
    Marrieds take the most vacations, dominating the market with 62 percent of all trips taken, but singles arguably go on more interesting trips. According to the Travel Industry Association of America, singles corner the adventure-travel market, engaging in activities like whitewater rafting, scuba diving and mountain biking. Being single and relatively footloose certainly allows you to expand your geographical and personal borders. I have lived abroad, backpacked for close to a year, have been in love three times and much more, says Courtney Davis, 27, a media-relations manager in Boston. With every place and every person, my world has expanded.

    Reason ..10: You know yourselfand what you want out of a relationship.
    Youre a better catch now than you were at 20. You may have signs of, ahem, experience etched on your face, but thats OK because youre more interesting and more self-aware. Not only have you grown as a person, but youve probably been through the ringer a few times in matters of love and now know what you wantand what you dont. Experts say that bodes well for future marital success and may actually decrease the likelihood of divorce. When people get married young, they often feel like the other person will complete them, and they have trouble moving past that Hollywood myth, explains Chase. But maturity brings so much, because if youre able to communicate who you are and what you want, the better your chances of having a successful marriage. And thats a wonderful message: Your single self is great... and should you find the right person and decide to marry, youre more likely to thrive in that stage of your life, too.

    I thought this was very interesting- granted everyone wants to settle down eventually for the most part but it may be helpful to keep these things in mind in a relationship. Becoming totally comfortable seems to put a damper on your potential!! Sure- it is easy to get shacked up and want to spend a lot of your time snuggled up but don't forget about your life :)
     
  2. redna

    redna New Member

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    Apparently the copy and paste effected some of the punctuation.. read through it...
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    If people could beat lonelyness, then it probably would be true that most people where better off being alone. But seeing how your friend is depressed and all, he should realise he has his head in space and has to come back down to earth and be realistic that there's no such thing as a perfect girl, therefore setting up such rediculous high standards are just an absurdity. In many ways he is his own enemy by putting up impossible standards, he is really just imposing self-torture and lonelyness, because if no one is good enough, then acceptance = zero. You should tell him that he should step towards the people, and that he doesn't have to be without standards, but lowering his high demands just a little bit would do him a world of good, and would expand his range of woman that he may possibly meet up with.
     
  4. redna

    redna New Member

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    well, his standards arent physical standards.. They're things that will allow him to connect on an emotional level. i.e. religion, etc... His physical standards are very much in check but he can't seem to find a lutheran girl that meets his physical standards, that shares common interests and goals.
     
  5. Tiberium

    Tiberium Active Member

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    fuck being single or married... I'm just tired of being lonely :hs:
     
  6. funkyted

    funkyted Wooo College! No Parents!

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    being lonely sucks

    and getting laid is nice
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    See? My problem exactly. Why is it that so many people these days have HORRIBLE personalities? :ugh:
     
  8. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    Your very first listed point about what's so great about being single demonstrates why that whole spiel won't make a difference in how anyone feels about it....

    Singles look better because they're still trying to ensure they look good to attract a potential mate.... aka they're looking to be un-single Being single is only enjoyable if you can still mate.
     
  9. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    well, theres two sides to everything. for me id gladly give up being lazy and not cleaning a house for knowing someone loves me everyday and i always have someone to fall back on if need be.

    i agree your friend should enjoy his single time, but for some people being single isnt an enjoyable experience, he, like me, prefer having someone. even if it means having to clean more :(
     
  10. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    This article and its author is SO FUCKING STUPID.

    "Its not selfish, its giving to yourself."
    :ugh:

    She seems to have missed the basic premise that living with someone involves sacrifice and that the reason we make that sacrifice is because we get something much more valuable out of it in return.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I disagree with a lot of the stuff in that article but the bottom line is loneliness sux and I tend to be much more lonely when I'm not in a relationship.
     
  12. onslaught61

    onslaught61 OT Supporter

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    love is the flaw in the article as stated already. without that special someone, you wont find true happiness at least to me. sure, the problems listed in the article may arise, but those just test how strong the relationship is. if the couple can get past those, that's all they really need.
     
  13. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Guys you're missing the big picture.

    You're unhappy with loneliness (of course) which you believe is the natural result of being single.

    Just because you're not in a committed relationship doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Not if you approach it in a positive light, keep your spirits up and keep socially active.
    Your life can't be based around hunting for that mate.


    And frankly, the subtext surrounding the article is...."how to be happily single...and make the best of it...UNTIL you find that special someone"

    It's not about STAYING single, the article is well disguised, but its clear that its trying to offer some positive advice and pointers on how not to be sad and lonely during the single period of your life.

    I think very few people actually want to be single forever.

    But while you're young...it CAN be fun....if you make it that way.
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I agree he's trying to help singles put a positive spin on being single. However, when someone uses language like "You have a better body." and
    "Youre better rested and smarter." and "Youre less depressed." I tend to tune out.

    These declaritive statements imply they are true when in fact they may not be true for a particular individual or even for the majority of single people. Sure they apply to a certain group of singles but not everyone.

    To me, that type of language is condesending. It's almost as if the author says, you're not smart enough to understand statistics or the results of studies so I'll tell you exactly how to intrepret thest results. That's similar to how many preachers deliver their sermons and one of the main reasons I don't like most churches.

    I actually tend to be very optimistic in my life and I'm not always lonely. I also tend to be happier, more contented, more focused and feel better when I'm in a healthy relationship. Say what you will about people not needing spouses but there are studies that show the benefits of marriage.

    IMO being in a relationship is better then not being in one.
     
  15. Bear Klaw

    Bear Klaw Guest

    good read
     
  16. nattycrew

    nattycrew .

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    very A+ thread :bigthumb:
     
  17. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    Reason ..7: Youre less depressed.
    Although the media often perpetuates the image of single people being down in the dumps, overall unmarried people tend to be happier than their married counterpartsif youre a woman, that is. One report by the World Health Organization indicated that married women, especially ones with children, have a higher risk for depression than single women, and researchers at the University of London found that single women generally have fewer mental-health issues.

    What the fuck is this all about? I thought women were the ones who look for committment and marriage. They get it, and all of a sudden they aren't happy about it?
     
  18. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    good read. I myself don't want to get married until I'm at least 30.

    I don't know the cure for loneliness but I know being occupied in your life helps a great deal. There are moments you want someone to share your experiences with and that's cool and all but the rest of the time you gotta depend on making your life more than just about being with another person.
     
  19. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    That's because women THINK they know what they want, but really they don't.
     
  20. black jesus

    black jesus OT Supporter

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    I wish I were getting laid once per week.
     

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