Since we were already talking about farting....

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Elphaba, Feb 22, 2008.

  1. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I was kind of surprised at the number of people in the "do you fart infront of your SO" thread that said things to the effect of "No, never, no matter how long we've been together". Lots of people had different reasons why, and thats cool.

    So, to you people who dont fart infront of your SO...I'm assuming you always close the door when you pee too?

    For example, if your apt/house only had one bathroom, one of you is brushing their teeth or something and the other really has to pee...what happends? Do you hold it for as long as needed? Politely ask the toothbrushing party to step out or finish up in the kitchen?

    I'm not trying to make fun of anyone, but I'd never really thought about what it'd be like having been in a LTR and NOT be that comfortable...
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    I have started something truly awful. lol

    Peeing in front of her was something I did from like the first time we were naked together. Her too.

    In fact, it was a couple weeks after we were separated that I finally said "You know, you probably shouldn't be peeing in front of me anymore". And she was like "Oh! I didn't even think about it."
     
  3. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    With my current lover, we respect each others privacy and realize there is a certain divide/space which is required for a healthy relationship. In some previous experiences we would watch each other urinate etc, but quite frakly looking back on it now; it allows you to become "too" comfortable with one another; and take certain things for granted.

    A romantic relationship is NOT the same as a platonic friendship.
    Romance is the key; it requires careful thought/attention and upkeep.

    /thread
     
  4. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I agree that a romantic relationship is not the same as a friendship, but its also not romantic all the time. Talking about the mortgage, not romantic. Holding someones hair because they've got food poisoning and are puking, not romantic.

    Yes, there are boundaries, and I like romance, my personal space, etc. but for me, that has nothing to do with peeing. I understand that its different for everyone (as I said in the farting thread, as long as you and your SO 'match' on this, I dont see a problem).

    So outside the more philosophical discussion here - how do you say "please get out of the bathroom, I've really really got to piss" in a romatic fashion?
     
  5. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    No not all parts of your relationship are going to be pleasant or romantic; however that is another point all together, and does not negate that you SHOULD maintain romance where you can. Romance isn't just valentines day, it's the small things; awareness and attention, one the most important things is respecting each others space and privacy; and maintaining some degree of distance.

    You don't need to say you have to go to the bathroom in a 'romantic' fashion... I'm sure I don't need to explain to you that you can simply say "please excuse me, excuse me, sorry I have to use the bathroom" or any combination there of.

    You can say "ohhh but sooner or later, or yaaah but that's unrealistic, what about this or what about that" the fact is that sustaining a healthy/blossoming relationship takes lots of work and conscious effort... Just like you can complain about being too busy to excercise, or too busy too throw your waste out into garbage bins when you are in a hurry; you can likewise complain about becoming complaiscant in a relationship and not having to put in any extra effort.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I kinda mentioned this in the fart thread. I can't pee in front of anyone. If my bf is brushing his teeth I wait. I think he gets weirded out by me peeing in front of him anyway, but then again we both don't care if he pee's in front of me :dunno:
     
  7. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Actually, thats part of what I was looking for. Since my SO and I dont have this kind of boundary and I would feel silly saying "excuse me, I have to use the bathroom" to someone who watches me shave my legs and such, I was curious how one would go about it and the different ways people dealt with it...
    I suppose its a little like exploring another culture?
     
  8. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    I don't believe you've addressed the op's question/concern. You've only stated what you are doing; not necessarily why or what you think about it.
     
  9. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I don't know, it bothers me. I can barely pee comfortably in public bathrooms. Even in my own, just knowing he's in the other room I can't relax enough to pee for a whole minute usually. I dont know why, I've just always been like that.
     
  10. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    The issue is, that you should start a relationship with these healthy boundaries and maintain them. Him shaving your legs can be quite romantic, him watching you passively shave yours; is not. etc... It's a fine line/balance I think.

    You can simply say, excuse me baby, and start closing the door etc; if he raises concern, just tell him you would like a little privacy; be polite and warm about it, and if he's worth relating to he'll probably understand. :cool:

    If you both shower together; that is quite romantic, if you constantly just spend time around 'each other' but in a passive way, not participating; that kills the romance. ie) watching tv together, but not participating in conversation about it; ie) you watching tv, him sitting next to you doing something all together different. Again there is a fine balance, but you will learn where to draw the bounderies the more you begin to make these types of decision/stick to them.

    You will begin to see where the line between quality/participatory and sensual time is and where the complaiscant passive negative time is.
     
  11. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Did you edit this in? Or did I just miss it?..anyway.

    Youre right about part of this, and my SO and I both put in alot of concious effort into being romantic (all the time, not just when we're 'supposed' to) but what I'm saying is that peeing infront of someone just isnt part of where we put in the romance (thats worded poorly, but whatever).
    I dont think you're wrong for not peeing infront of your SO, thats not what I'm saying.
    People have very different ideas of what is romantic, how to keep romance, and obviously, for you, having these boundaries around bodily functions is one of them, and thats cool, but its not that way for everyone and I dont really think its one of those necessary things for romance.
    Therefor, to get different perspectives, I asked...
     
  12. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    This is where I think you are wrong, read my above post above, participating and or being passive and about healthy boundaries.

    You see, what you may not realize is that; I have never had a "solid" idea about what should/shouldn't be done, I have learned through much experience over time.

    I used to pee in front of my so's and vice-versa, and probably thought very little of it; however being confronted with different points of view, trying it differently and seeing different results/consistently; well changed my mind.

    Yes people have a different definition/understanding of things; that doesn't mean that a universal archetype or framework of how something generally works, does not exist.

    Generally, if you take vitamin C and eat healthy you will be healthy and not be as prone to viruses.

    Well same here, if you do these things/pay attention to them; you will not be as prone to complaisance/lack of romance and rest... Why? because it's yet another way to maintain, pay attention. It's homage to 'your relating'
     
  13. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    I wasnt really asking for advice on actually how to do this - I wasnt looking for a script. I was asking how and why others do it.

    I didnt start this thread to ask people how I could be more romantic in my relationship....
     
  14. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I've read the whole thread and seen the explanations, but I still want to comment on this particular comment.

    As time goes by and the more "mature" you get, the more you begin to realize that the romantic "facade" really isn't "love". It's a front for attraction. Romance is the rock driveway out onto a beautifully paved road that takes the both of you to a more deep version of love.

    When you are in love with someone, you begin to build a relationship that's not based on these "facades". The longer you are with someone, the more beautiful they become even though you've seen their ugly side. You've seen them angry. You've seen them cry. You've seen them at their worst and at their best.

    Love knows no boundaries and sooner or later love takes over where romance leaves off, and what you have left is a combination of the two. A romantic side that allows you to do the things that made you fall in love and a deeper side that allows you to see the ugly and the bad and still be attracted to them.

    I noticed this with my ex-wife. Right up until the point where our marriage failed, I noticed that my "romance" for her was coupled with a much deeper, much more fulfilling "love". You could argue that my marriage failed because we allowed the romance to die. I would argue that we just weren't right for each other from the start. But even though we weren't right for each other, didn't mean that we didn't start evolving through the stages of deeper love. I believe that BECAUSE we weren't right for each other, our relationship just couldn't handle that "deeper" love and it crumbled.

    My point is that love is more than just romance. That a relationship isn't built on the romantic facade alone. That two people who are meant to last are going to fall in love and little things like this (peeing/farting/whatever) do not affect that love or the romance after a certain point.

    There DOES have to be mutual respect and so long as you agree on the boundaries, then whatever works for you. But to see that peeing in front of your SO is killing the romance, just shows how little you actually know about what true love and romance really is.

    If you want a good definition, then i'll point you to I Corinthians 13 in the bible. Hate to use a religious reference down here, but there's no mention of god in that passage at all, and it is the single most beautiful and true passage on love ever written.
     
  15. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Good for you. I wasnt trying to say there was a right/wrong way of doing things nor was I actively looking for the 'right' way to do this because I think what my SO do is wrong. I've said over and over that whatever you think is right for you is cool.

    I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree about this one, and I really think this is way, way off my point/question.
     
  16. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Viper, you are right; romance doesn't equal true depth or love or connectedness. However, romance is an integral part of any relationship, any 'romantic' relationship. If you care about your sex life and care about upholding chemistry, then what I wrote will help, not be the end all but will certainly go a long way in helping.

    The issue with what you are posting is that you are being naive about it. Look back at your relationships and think to yourself about this "love"... Unconditional love does not exist; love is something you continually build/grow and uphold. Just like romance, they both require attention; they go hand in hand in a romantic vs platonic relationship.

    Don't confuse false facades of character or personality ( which is what you are referring to ) with careful attention and willed action, to maintain personal livelihoods and strengths.

    A relationship is based on two individuals relating, you must maintain individuality in order to come together.

    Things come and go, nothing lasts for ever; that is why it is necessary to pay attention and always put in the conscious effort.

    What you are referring to in many ways, is a naive way to explain 'complaisance'. It is not healthy to become complaisant in a relationship and pretend like your complaisance is somehow a deeper love. Most marriages will end due to this, while you are becoming oh so comfortable, your lover is likely getting bored. Human beings require a challenge... You may have the deepest bond with someone, you may have true love for them, but true love my friend does not equal romantic chemistry. That is why couples who often may love each other very deeply still wish for divorce, because again; a romantic relationship is a beautiful intricate thing, which like a beautiful flowers requires something called "GAME"... If you stop playing the 'game' or take yourself, your life or your relationship too seriously as in ( you become compliascant ) then well I'm sure you can think of the rest.

    As for the Bible, with all due respect; it would be the last place I would go to learn how to relate to my fellow man or woman.

    It's also not as simple as "Oh well we just weren't right for one another" there are many factors which go into the game of love, it's not about all the puzzle pieces simply randomly meeting together. It is about being able to consciously change, to think and to use your will to make a difference.

    Just like it takes effort and will always take effort for you to be in shape; you think just because I will always go to the gym and eat well; that somehow I don't have that deep love for myself? Well I do, and that is why I choose to maintain things, it is not a facade.....

    The same can be drawn to your "relating" to someone else.

    From meeting other older couples who do have a very healthy relationship, with chemistry, great sex, great mental , soulful and emotional connectedness; they have all offered me similar advice. I was always too naive to see it; now I am learning.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  17. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Wow Viper, I'm really going to have to aggree with you on that one, which kind of surprises me.
    I know exactly what you mean. My bf is known in his family for hating to be around sick people. It grosses him out, he doesnt know what to do to help, etc. Right before xmas I got food poisoning and was puking like a mofo, and he was right there. Stayed up all night with me, brought me water, etc. Honestly, when I realized I was getting sick, I expected him to bail - or at least want to sleep on the floor/couch but still make sure I was ok. I would have been fine with that b/c I know thats one of his boundaries. However, he crossed his boundary, nursed me and comforted me. It meant more to me b/c he crossed this personal boundary for me.

    AGAIN though, this thread wasnt really supposed to be about love OR romance dammit, its about peeing!!!
     
  18. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    As much as I have been hurt in relationships and through all the struggles I've went through, I refuse to let go of the idea that unconditional love exists. I believe that if I allow my past hurts and failures to taint my idea of love in this way and view this as a "naive" way of thinking, then all my struggles and failures will be for naught.

    I know unconditional, lasting love exists because I have seen it with my own eyes. I know a woman who was so engrossed and in love with her husband, that no matter how many men or how deep their relationship goes into the shitter, she still loves him and is attached to him--even to the point it is beyond logic. and he is the same way. He never gives up. She gives up for a while, but she always finds her way back to him. From the outside world looking in, we would flame them both for being complete fucktards and staying in what we call a "failing relationship". But to here her side of the story and how she talks about this guy, it's almost beautiful in a sick sort of way the pure attachment they have to each other. It's the most baffling thing I've ever seen, how two people can have so many problems but still love each other unconditionally. To never give up on each other, even when their relationship drags along the pits of hell. It's because of her that I know what unconditional love is, and in popular terms you would say that I am crazy for believing in them and that she and her husband are crazy for staying together. The truth, however, is that they can't stay apart.

    I know another couple, and this couple is in their 60's and they've been together for almost 50 years. And they are like a couple of kids. They hold hands, they call each other pet names, etc. She dresses him in the morning for work. They look at each other as if they were the only two people in the world. It's the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen. And you don't think that in 50 years they've seen ugly or that at the 50 year mark they worry about peeing or farting in front of each other? I highly doubt it.

    You are right about keeping the romantic relationship alive. Dating, etc. should continue for as long as you are together. You should never get "lazy" and take someone for granted, I agree. But when it comes to these things (peeing/farting/whatever), they don't make a difference at all.
     
  19. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    If you're happy with a couple who in their old age relates more to one another as they are simply close friends (likely sexless) then continue down that path; all I am saying is that if you care about maintaining a romantic relationship, which requires sexual chemistry, then you need to think differently.

    Unconditional love does not exist; there are ALWAYS conditions. You are of course allowed to have your own opinion :) So if it has been and is working for you; then best of luck.

    P.S: Many couples are glued to one another not because there is some true chemistry there, but because they have become so used to one another and complaisant that they have entirely forgotten what it means to be 'themselves'... no hobbies, no real interests, just you have me and I have you; that is NOT healthy by any far stretch of the imagination. I know it's easy to confuse that however for a healthy blossoming relationship.

    I do however agree, that seeing an affectionate old couple if quite heart warming and beautiful; what ever works :)
     
  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Well, I'll post the passage. It really has nothing to do with God or anything, but I love the language and I believe it's as good a definition of love as there is out there:

    The Greeks had a word for love that this passage is trying to relate to. The word was "Agape", and it was the purest, deepest, most selfless form of love. All relationships should be striving for that type of love, and little natural physical things like using the bathroom aren't going to make a difference.
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I would venture to say that that couple would look at this post and laugh in your face.
     
  22. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    It's a beautiful passage. That love, that unconditional love my friend is the love you realize when you lose the thing called 'ego' it is a love realized for everything and everyone, it does not relate simply to your significant other. The eastern mystics have had that type of love, they call it Brahman/Atman and Maya. It is the Universe at play you and I.

    Maybe coming closer to that type of love, one can more closely understand why it is beautiful and important to maintain 'game' ;)
     
  23. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    If you say so, I think it's quite silly to speculate. See the difference is you chose a passage from the bible to uphold your beliefs; the bible is an edifice based solely on faith, not 'reason' , likewise you are choosing to ignore your previous experiences solely based on the 'faith' that have you have that things are perhaps a certain way, even though maybe your past experiences have shown otherwise; you said it yourself. With that, I have great issue.

    P.S: I'm by no means trying to say that you won't find someone who you will grow deeply and richly with, in love and respect, with someone who you can and will bond with like no other; all I am saying is that it will require a lot of attention/awareness... just like everything else in life... and if you call attention superficial then you may have some issue in that relationship.
     
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2008
  24. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

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    Ok, I think I might be starting to get your point here. Not that I agree with you, but I think I almost see where youre comming from. Please correct me if I'm wrong:
    So for you, peeing/farting infront of someone isnt sexy or is a turn off, right? Seeing someone as un-sexy or being turned off from them means you dont want to have sex with them (or lessens your sexual desire for them..) and obviously, sex is part of romance. Therefore, for you, seeing someone pee would decrease the romance/possibility of romance, right?

    Would those be correct assumptions for how this works for you?
     
  25. Yuppy

    Yuppy Have a seat right there....

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    she never does this to me, but i do it to her... ill walk in there while shes doing whatever and start pissing
     

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