Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Dec 5, 2009.
Gotta be fair with the polls I guess.
i'm going to have cats. lots of cats.
I'm sure i'm in the minority on this, but I believe if you put as much work into making your marriage work as you do planning for its ending, you would have a more lasting marriage.
Prenups protect you from the other person. Sometimes that happens regardless of how much work YOU put in.
Look at the threads here. "my SO left, what did I do wrong?" "What could I have done to keep my SO? I tried so hard!!!!"
You're 100% right. That's exactly why a prenup is an essential step in the process of working on making a marriage last. It's an ideal opportunity to sit down with your SO and discuss how you'll manage your finances and assets in your relationship, and put together a fair/equitable/workable framework to ensure you're both happy/satisfied with things once you ARE married.
A prenup is NOT a death sentence for a happy marriage as long as you don't look at it as one. Think of it instead as a tool to aid in your marital bliss.
Hell yes I'm gonna get a prenup, I ain't gon' let no MAN take mah shit
Hell yes, I'm gonna be a rich woman. Gots to protect myself.
Yes. I'm rich now. Gotta protect myself
#1 and #3 say I currently have an interest to protect. What is the difference? Does #1 say I'm protecting no assets and #3 there are assets to protect?
#2 says I'm going to be rich but yet I need to currently protect myself. Am I reading this correctly?
No option to protect yourself from acquiring someone else's debt through marriage? In other words, I have $0 in the bank but I don't want to marry a guy and be 20k in the hole.
"i'm a dude wanting to see results and I'm a golddigging motherfucker, fuck all you bitches who voted "yes""
If you ever find yourself thinking about marrying someone and you can honestly look yourself in the face and say "I need to protect myself from this person" that should be a HUGE red flag that you probably shouldn't be marrying them.
On the other hand, it would be a good sign if you were about to marry someone and thought "I really want to protect both of us so we don't have to worry about being broke in the .00001% chance that something goes wrong" comes to mind, that's a good thing.
... because you have no idea if they will still be head over heels in love with you in 5, 10, 20 years, and in the event that they're not, you need to protect yourself.
And in the even that you're not, you also need to protect yourself. If you fall out of love with someone and want a divorce, you don't want it to cost you any more than it has to.
Geez, it's NOT a sign of weakness in the relationship or anything. People's feelings change. You cannot be 100% sure that YOURS won't and you sure as shit cannot be 100% sure that theirs won't.
dude, your polls
This one wasn't even serious. But people were complaining that the last thread was aimed at men instead of women so I made a woman poll.
Men need prenups so that when their wives decide they would rather fuck an outlaw biker with forearm tattoos and we divorce them for being whores they don't get our money.
Women need prenups if they're balling or from an powerful family or something. Other than that, the laws and courts favor women so they don't really have to do anything other than show up to court and say "but I have a vagina" and they'll get money.
Of course, people in the Vag only marry for love and are also 100% confident that neither their feelings, nor the feelings of the future spouse will ever change for the rest of time, because alas, to not feel that way is a doomed marriage from the start. Blasphemy! So no one here would ever need a prenup (all you have to do is work harder to make your marriage work. People don't stray, feelings don't change, love is forever! That's why no one in the Vag has ever had a relationship end, much less end unexpectedly, and no one in the Vag has ever made a "I think I'm falling out of love with my SO" thread before!) but for the rest of the world, especially men, it's a good idea.
And with that kind of attitude, you're NOT marriage material, dude. Sorry.
While I totally agree that it's possible for feelings to change, if your attitude is "If I get sick of this bitch and want a divorce I want it to cost as little as possible" then the chances are pretty high that you WILL change your feelings about a spouse and divorce them at some point, probably sooner than later.
You have to approach marriage with the attitude that you can make it work for the long haul (as in, until you're staring at the root structure of grass as a full-time gig) and that a prenup is simply a way to lay a solid groundwork for a happy and successful relationship. Yes, it also serves to protect BOTH of you in the minute chance something does go wrong, but that's truly not the primary purpose as I see it, nor should it be the primary purpose.
All I'm saying is the attitude you're reflecting is an extremely selfish one that doesn't take into account the fact that by having a prenup you're doing BOTH of you a favor and taking full advantage of the tools available to you that can make a relationship last.
Are you serious? I would expect the woman I marry to have the SAME attitude.
"I love you to death now, but if that ever changes, I want things to be as fair as possible."
The alternative is "If i get sick of this bitch and want a divorce, I don't care if she takes 50% of my assets and I have to pay her a % of my salary for the rest of my life." Are you saying that's better?
maybe you should just not get married you know, the whole, til death do us part thing
with that said, i have nothing against prenups , i'm just pointing out how contradictory that statement is towards marriage. and yes marriage aint what it was 40-50 years ago
is there really another poll about this shit?
So what are you going to do if your wife decides she'd rather fuck some other guy instead of you? Are you going to "work through things?" Are you going to divorce her? What if she initiates the divorce? Are you going to beg her to stay with you (real manly)? Are you going to give her 50% of your stuff with a smile, then? Are you going to pay her thousands of dollars a month in alimony, despite the fact that she is working herself, so she can buy breast implants and take vacations to Bali with her 22 year old poolboy fucktoy?
You've got to stay open to all possibilities and position yourself in a way that no matter what happens, it won't be that bad for you.
Sure, hopefully you'll stay married forever and it won't even be an issue, but what if? You can't base a marriage on hope and faith alone. To do so is very romaticized but very unrealistic.
I don't see a need for the situation that I am in now to be honest... Seeing though as none of us are coming from any money and if there were marriage in the line for us in the future there would just be no need... I just see it as a waste of money and shit that we could be spending on our honeymoon... If there was a divorce if we were to wed, I would invest in a good attourney so I don't FUCKING get FUCKED as I had in my previous divorce and nasty break up with the ex douche canoe of a boyfriend and end up with nothing... I am fucking done with that and a little bitter about it. It is all about protecting yourself in the end and I would be more than fair and all but yeah... /rant
No, you bumblefuck. Stop putting words in my mouth.
Did you even read the rest of my post, or did you just pick out the part you could twist to fit your cynical point of view and ignore the fact that I said I support the use of prenups for a different, much more rational reason?
I mostly agreed with the rest of your post and didn't see a reason to quote it
im not nearly as pessimistic about the whole thing as falconer, but i just dont see how signing a prenup is any different than signing the marriage papers themselves...if you can convince yourself that signing an agreement that looks out for both you and your partners best interests in any way possible is a 'death warrant' for a marriage you are definitely delving too far into things imo...
Looking out for #1 is absolutely necessary, admirable, and a good thing.... but you can do so to a fault. And I have a feeling that's what you're doing here.... looking out for #1 to an irrational degree that would turn most people off.
How do you expect to have a good long-lasting marriage if your plan is to hide assets from your spouse (and potentially the courts in the event of a divorce)? No way will you be successful if you're not being open and honest with your partner REGARDLESS of whether or not you have a prenup. She'll find out you've been hiding things eventually, and that in and of itself would probably be the cause of a divorce.
Assignment: Meet at least one guy who has been divorced. Ask him if he thought at the time that he was marrying his dream woman and it would last forever. Ask him how the divorce worked. Ask him if, in hindsight, he wishes he would've gotten a prenup.
Not saying everyone will say yes. I'm sure a few guys had decent wives who were fair about things.