SRS Sigh... 15 months for nothing

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by killer4605, Apr 19, 2006.

  1. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    so my gf and i have been dating for 15 months now.. we've had our problems (http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=2453931) and we worked them out. (or so i thought)

    last night she calls me and says she has doubts about me going to the same school as her. After a whole semester of her preaching on about how great it would be if i got into UGA college of pharmacy so we could see each other every day, i finally got in.... now that i got in, she has doubts.

    she says that she thinks that the relationship will hold her back and she won't be able to do what she wants. she thinks that i'll become clingy (wtf... hypocrite bitch). i told her that i've never stopped her from going to a party or hanging out with her friends instead of being with me and i wouldn't start doing that just because we go to the same school.

    so she says, well what if i want to hang out with other guys...like, date them?

    so i tell her, why can't we get these last 2-3 weeks of school out of the way and enjoy our summer together and if you still feel that way when we go back to college in the fall, we can deal with it then... whether it be by breaking up or what not.


    she says, well what if i feel that way right now.

    so now i'm getting kind of pissed and sick of the shit. i tell her, are you seriously going to fuckin date anyone right now in the last 3 weeks of school? you're too busy to even talk to me on the phone and you're going to end our relationship so you can be free to date? and what about summer, who the hell are you going to meet and date at the tech school? (we're both taking summer classes and then she is going to china for a month)

    (keep in mind, this girl doesn't have a car, her mom drops her off/picks her up.)

    so she tells me, what is the point of dating? it is so you can see what's out there for when you want to get married.

    i'm like :eek3: WTF. Last semester when i even brought up marriage she got freaked out. i'm so in love with this girl that i wouldn't have second thoughts about marrying her. i spoil her like no other. seriously, if you guys knew half the shit i did for her you would be embarassed for me. if she thinks she can get better, she's going to get a bitter slap in the face.

    i don't know anyone else that would deal with some crazy bitch yelling at them if a single crumb falls on her bed. or if the pillowcase slides off the pillow a little. or if you put your bookbag on her bed. or a million other stupid little things that piss her off.



    ANYWAYS, i basically told her that if she feels like she wants to date other people right now, then i am willing to have an open relationship so that we can both date other people. i'm thinking that this way, i can still get some gf action in the meantime while i find someone else to go out with.


    my biggest problem is that i am extremely bad at socializing. No fucking joke. I have 0 new friends at my university. all of my friends here i knew from highschool. i talk to people in class, but it is fucking hard to make new friends (especially for me) when you can't talk for more than a minute or two during class lecture. i mean, i know alot of new people but i don't hang out with any of them.

    whatever. what do you guys think about my situation and what do you think i should do about it?

    i swear that it seems like every big problem i've had in this relationship has been because of my gf. she starts all the drama. i bet you when summer starts and we start seeing each other every day (if i'm not completely sick of her and never want to see her again after her doing this shit to me TWICE) she is going to forget about dating other guys.
     
  2. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Well my bf and i have been together for 18 months and he recently told me he wants me to do other guys while in college. So, you're not alone. I think you should let her go. That's really messed up of her. Perhaps YOU can do better. And who knows? She may be crawling back to you in due time.
     
  3. verveintuition

    verveintuition New Member

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    She obviously wants to date other people, and you don't. Conflict of interests means you two should take a break.
    Not an open relationship, either; because you're obviously not fine with it and will only be selling yourself short.




    Those 15 months weren't useless. Learn from it and move on. :eek3:
     
  4. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    she ims me and says

    if it doesnt work out between us..
    can we still be friends?


    How the fuck do you answer something like that? last time we were "just friends" we were flirting. before that, we were friends that didn't even speak to each other outside of class.

    i don't know.. you guys are probably right and i need to let go. maybe once she tries dating some other guys she will see just how good she had it.

    i just don't understand how this fucking happened. two weeks ago when i went to see her everything was great. she was excited that i might be going to her school. she told me she was happy. we both said that we sometimes think about what it would be like to date other people, but we didn't have any regrets about not doing it. she told me she would be jealous if i dated other girls and she wouldn't like it.

    i just dont get it. how can you do a complete 180 in 2 weeks. especially about such a long lasting relationship.

    i was even supposed to go to china with her over the summer..

    what the fuck do i say about that now? "uhh.. yeah, i'll go. i can get bjs for $2.00, right?"
     
  5. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    man up and let her know what's goin down-- that you won't settle for being just friends. i wouldn't.. i never stay close to my exes, too much baggage right there. and that's not even to mention the women that like to keep a handful of guys around them at any single time, i wouldn't settle for being just another guy on her roster. i'm an allstar, dammit :p

    tell her you won't settle for friends, and she better make that shit work out! hahah, you'll sound like an asshole, but she'll respect you for putting your foot down.

    nah seriously, i dunno. that's what *i* would do, but i'm still just a lonely, jerky, asshole :(
     
  6. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Dude, is there really a question? She is wanting to hook up with other guys or already has. She's not into this relationship and she expects you to be a man and step up by ending the relationship. Don't be a putz. I would kick the girl out in a heartbeat if she pulled this crap on me.
     
  7. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    Lol that would be pretty funny but i doubt it would have the effect i'd like it to. She's just an attention whore. She admits it herself.

    I swear she probably starts all this drama so that i'll pay more attention to her. Come to think of it, last time we broke up she said that i didn't visit her often enough and she wanted to date other guys because they were closer and she could see them more often.

    and these past few weeks i haven't been giving her much attention (which i regret) because i've been really stressed out with school work. but in my defense, i did make time to go visit her 2 wks ago. and i spent an extra night there with her.

    so my conclusion is this:

    attention whore + lack of attention = drama queen.

    drama queen + boyfriend = open relationship:noes:
     
  8. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    it just doesn't make sense... 2 weeks ago she was all over me and would cry her eyes out if i couldn't talk to her on the phone
     
  9. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I'm sorry but she can do better. Not that she will find a nice guy, but she can do better about finding a guy that turns her on and gets her excited. I am not saying that as insult to you, but because it is 100% CLEAR that she has a low interest level in you.

    Why? You just said it yourself. You did EVERYTHING for her, you SPOIL her like no other, you did so much it is embarrassing. THAT'S why.

    A successful relationship is NOT about you doing everything you can for your partner. If you do, you become a doormat, a pushover, a child. In order to have a successful relationship you MUST have RESPECT. Not just respect for her but for yourself. If you did all those things for her, then you put her needs in front of your own all of the time. Do you think she is supposed to respect you when you disrespect yourself by doing this? YOU have to be someone who is desirable, and a desirable guy doesn't treat a woman like she is a goddess. If she wanted a worshipper she would have a kid. That's what kids do for their mothers, their mothers are the center of their universe. She doesn't want a child for a husband, she wants a man. A self respecting man that has confidence.

    Did you show her you were this guy? No, by your own words you gave her everything. She cannot keep the necessary level of respect for you if you don't seem to put much value into respecting yourself. What that means is that if she needs something that conflicts with your own time, interests, etc, you cannot always drop it and rush to her. You can't always try to please her. You MUST make sure YOUR needs are being met. You MUST be selfish at times. A completely selfless person is a doormat. While you think someone like that is nice, you canot respect someone who's goal is only to please others. You must have gone overboard with giving, and in return it cost you your respect. With respect gone so followed chemistry.

    Again, it's clear. You allowed yourself to be disrespected and because of it, she kept doing it. No wonder she lost interest. I would never tolerate that crap. It's not being nice by tolerating that, you are being disrespectful to yourself. That is a HUGE relationship blunder. Respect is one of the buildingblocks of a strong relationship. You have only yourself to blame.

    This is another huge blunder. Geez man, c'mon. Could you tell this girl any more that you are a huge wimpy doormat to be walked on? You are basically telling her:

    "I need you in my life, even if it means I have to share you with other men."

    My god, this is exactly why you will fail in relationships. There is no way I would say this. If my girl said something like this, it wouldn't take me 2 seconds to tell her to pack her shit, she's gone. The reason your relationship became this way is because of how you allowed yourself to be treated and taken advantage of. If she knew from the very beginning that she would lose you if she pulled this selfish flakey behavior, do you think she would be so quick to do it? No way. If she did, she would know you would be gone.

    What should you do? Get her in person, locate your manhood between your legs, and stand up for yourself. Tell her this:

    "You know, I decided that this isn't working out. I am far too good of a guy to have to share with anyone else. I won't be made a fool of. So, we did have some good times, but it's best if we split. See ya."

    And end it FOR good. No more trying to work this out, no more taking her back if she comes crying. You've already showed her you are a doormat, and if you tell her this and then take her back, you are reminding her once again that you are a fool to be taken advantage of. No backbone whatsover. End it, and stick with the decision. Next time, don't make these mistakes. You can treat a girl goo, but you must make sure your needs and wants are being met. It should be a 50/50 relationship, not 95/5.

    No, it's because of YOU. You put up with it. It's not her fault she keeps taking advantage of you, it's your fault for letting it happen.
     
  10. darnit

    darnit New Member

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    QFT
    Damn diggity.. thats like the most,straight foward with an explanation answer I have ever seen from you.:beer:
     
  11. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    you make alot of valid points.

    in my defense, when she bitched at me for the things i mentioned above, i wouldn't take it quietly. i always spoke my mind and showed her i wasn't going to stay and be treated like a little kid. last time she did it i packed my shit and got up to leave. the only reason i didn't go is because she kept apologizing and said she would try to quit being so anal. the other times i would bitch back at her and then she'd end up crying. i never apologized for making her cry in those situations.

    you say that i was a doormat and because of that she lost respect for me yadda yadda. you're probably right. i'm a giving person by nature and i always tried to make her happy. what i should have done is made myself happy and put her ass second.

    you say that she didnt have interest or lost interest in me. that is where i think you are wrong. i'm telling you, just 2 weeks ago she would literally CRY on the phone if i told her i was busy and couldn't talk. you don't do that if you don't have much interest in someone. and yes, i stuck to my guns and didn't talk to her when i had shit to do. the only thing that happened between now and then is we haven't talked on the phone much at all. she is a serious attention whore. i think the lack of attention these past 2 weeks is what's behind all this.

    i definitely respect your opinion and i agree with you for the most part. the problem is that i won't be able to see her for another 3 weeks when we finish school. i am too busy with tests and exams to drive down to georgia just to deal with this shit.

    i want you to tell me what i should do. i still love her more than i've ever loved anyone. while i want it to work out, i honestly think that even if we get back together over the summer, i'm just going to be 0 for 3 when we start school again.

    so should i just call her and say something to the effect of "fuck it, this shit isn't going to work out. i'm too good of a person to be jerked off and treated like shit. i love you but i'm not going to insult myself by sharing you. bye."

    i really want to do this in person but it won't be possible for another 3 weeks.
     
  12. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    fuck. i need to break up with her. you are fucking right. what am i thinking? what i did was the pussiest thing you could do. i don't need her ass for anything. jesus christ just 2 weeks ago i wanted to break up with her because she kept bothering me. what the fuck happened to me.

    should i bite the bullet and go down there for 1 day and get it over with or should i do it over the phone. i definitely want to do this in person but i don't know if i'll have time. that's 4 hours driving back and forth.
     
  13. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    She doesn't love you anymore. She fell out of love. It happens, and its never a rational thing. You can can analyze it, you can get mad, you can hate her, you can think of it all as a waste... but the bottom line is that all of that anger is what is a waste of time. The relationship wasn't a waste of time. It was clearly rewarding. But they don't last forever. I get that you're hurting because its over. Just hang in there. How it ends isn't really important. This isn't a game with a scoreboard. Its over, and the important thing is that you deal with that and move on.
     
  14. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    what i dont understand is that yesterday she said that she loves me and wants to be with me. i asked her if she was serious or just saying that and she said she was serious.

    so i asked her, you want to be with me but you want to be able to date other people?

    she said yes.

    whether she's lying or not, she keeps telling me that she loves me.
     
  15. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    You don't go from being in love with someone to wanting to risk the relationship by telling that person you want to date other people in just two weeks.

    If she did that then this girl is a complete flake. I would definitely classify her as not clinically sane. I do not date girls who are not clinically sane. They are FAR too much drama and complete BS-as you are finding out. They are FULL of contradiction words and actions. They do not make sense. They do not have good happy relationships.

    If you want a girl like this, then this is your girl. Down the road this crud will still be happening. She will not suddenly "wake up" and say, "Wow, this guy is great, I have been stupid, I will change for him". Sorry, uh uh, no way.
    Ask yourself, what would you tell a girl who was dating a guy who did this? Would you tell her that he will change, that he will suddenly realize what she has? Or would you tell her that she needs to leave the loser? Yeah, exactly.

    That's what I want to hear. Either way is fine, whichever way works best for you, but it should be done.
     
  16. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    she may still love you but more like a close friend/brother now. I'd break it off, having an open relationship like that isn't going to do anything but cause you to stress out everytime she doesn't answer her phone. "is she with a guy?, is she having sex right now?, what's she doing?, etc" Just make it a clean break and maybe maybe if she figures out what she wants she can make an attempt to win you back later. Right now just do whats best for you. As for making friends next semester, i don't know where UGA is but make yourself available, if you need to study or do homework do it in a public place like the student commons, or a local cafe, or if its warm out on a bench/blanket on the lawn. Go to college parties, just sit down next to someone at the cafeteria. There is NO EASIER place to make new friends than the 1st few weeks of a new semester at college.
     
  17. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    She does love you. She's not in love with you. People fall out of love. Now do you get it? She doesn't want to hurt you, but I think she's made herself pretty clear.
     
  18. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    yes well she's a pretty flakey person. same shit happened last semester and when we got back together a week later she got really clingy and was really in love with me.

    either way, you guys are right and she made herself clear. i'm going to end it and she can deal with her decision.
     
  19. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    Don't be weak and get back together this time. She's telling you its over. And she's fucking, or soon wil be fucking, other people.
     
  20. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    use my favorite break up saying:
    "one day you'll realize how great i really was but by that time i'll be waking up to someone that already knew that, have a nice life"
    and walk away.
     
  21. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    she won't be doing that... i know how she feels about that stuff. but i'll try not to get back together again. hopefully i'll be over her soon.
     
  22. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    how old are you guys anyway? sometimes you just gotta give them a nice "manhandling". don't rough her up or anything, but sometimes a little too much smother is bad. practice ignoring her and demanding that she get you a beer and sandwhich (jokingly or not!)
    the only reason why i give you this advice, is because it seems like she's got you whipped like a bucket of butter!!
    guys cannot be clingy or indecisive too, women hate to be the vision in the relationship. you've gotta know what you want from her, maybe that's why she's getting flakey, because she can't read what you want or where you are headed with your life

    and whatever you do, don't break up indecisively or impishly, if you break up you've gotta make it known, and be prepared to tell her to go to hell if you have to, seriously. don't let her think she can have another chance, and telling her that she's making a mistake is the worst way to break up. whatever she wants to do, let her do it. that way when she DOES realize she's made a mistake, she won't be able to blame anyone but herself, and you *actually* will be long gone by the time that comes along. you've gotta be willing to accept the fact that she might not actually want to be with you too, that will help prepare you for any breakups
    the more time you spend thinking about wanting to tell her she's made a mistake, the longer you will be clinging onto her. let's face it, she doesn't sound like an angel, nor does she have perfect judgement. let her screw up, and simply don't let it keep affecting you longer than it has to..
    if it's any consolation, i've been in situations like that b4, and i'm still breathing :) and cracking corny ass jokes too ;)
     
  23. killer4605

    killer4605 New Member

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    we're both 19. i know it isn't the end of the world... and i know i don't need her. but i also know that i want her. i love holding her in my arms. i love kissing her. i love spending nights with her. when we are together, everything is great and we don't have problems. when we are apart, she causes drama like you wouldn't believe.

    i guess you're right. i should just go down there for a few hours on friday and end it. let her do whatever the hell she wants. i'm just sick of all the unneccessary drama. if she wants to see what else is out there i'm not going to stand in her way.
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I disagree with the above person. During the break up act like a gentleman even if she gets ugly. Remain cool.
     
  25. dr_jerkvorkian

    dr_jerkvorkian New Member

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    i actually agree with diggitydogg, my way of doing things is not always for everyone, nor the weak of heart.
    you guys are still young anyway, don't do anything either of you will regret.
     

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