SRS Sibling Rivalry.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Thought Thinker, Jan 2, 2010.

  1. Thought Thinker

    Thought Thinker Circling the drain.

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    This is regarding my Wife and her idiot sister. Here's a little back story...

    My Wife and I have been together for 6 years, our Son is 16 months old. when we found out my Wife was pregnant we did everything on our own. May not seem relevant now as we're adults and expecting parents, so it's pretty cut and dry in my opinion. It's what we had to do. Our son was the first of a lot in our families, first Grandchild on both sides, first Great Grandchild, first everything. Aside from this, I loaned her Mother over 80k for her house, so she didn't lose it and so she could remodel it. We've done everything in our lives ourselves, all we have we earned without the help from anyone.

    Fast forward from then to late part of 2008, My wifes immature 19 year old sister drops a bombshell, the guy she decided to move out with and play house with are expecting a child. Mind you this girl said from day one I never want kids, I never want to get married, blahblahblah. Well what do you know, all this partying (she partied A LOT, alcohol/various drugs) got her in too deep and she decided to have this baby (which I commend). So all attention focused on her, well more than normal. Her huge mistake has granted her tons of fortune. Of course things didn't work out with the father and she moved back home. Everyone babied her, and bought her EVERYTHING.

    Pass then to now. She is still living at home, working part time, and her child is about 6 months old. Even though she only works part time, she leaves her child at the babysitter (that the state pays for) every single day working or not from about 7/8am until 6pm. After this, she takes the baby home and more often than not pawns him off on her mom so her and her new boyfriend of the week can go out. Her mom enables it because it's her last child at home. HOWEVER, her mom is remarrying and her fiance also enables and gives in to her. They buy her everything, and pay for her everything anytime we all go out. Any time we are ever around them, she NEVER has the baby, we take him, her mom does or someone else plays with him. Her priorities are herself, and the current guy she is with or going out. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

    So that's the back story, here's the problem. Any time my Wife and son are over there, or we're around she makes it a point to make my wife feel like she is less of a mother to our child. If my son gets weird when she leaves the room or something like that, she goes "man xxxxxx, your mom will be right back, you need to knock that off... xxxx doesn't do that" or "xxxx takes long naps like he's suppose to" if my son doesn't nap long, or she talks about anything she can that makes her look good. It's getting to the point where my Wife is getting really upset about it when she talks about it with me, and in a way I think she believes some of the things she insinuates or says. Of course this is the furthest thing from the truth because my Wife is an AMAZING mother to my son. The two can't even compare.

    I'm waiting for the day I catch it blatant and in person because I'm going to go the fuck off. I will straight tell her the reason your child will go to just anyone at any given time happy or sad is because he wants the attention from ANYONE, god forbid our child has a special bond with his mother and wants that specific comfort. Then be like who gives a fuck if your child sleeps through the night at six months old, your mom feeds/baths/puts him to sleep. Fuck just thinking about all this makes my blood pressure go up.

    What do I do, or what can I say to make my Wife snap out of it? Nothing has worked so far. We've had multiple indepth discussions about her compared to his Sister and what they each do for their children but anytime they're around each other it happens again. It's just really weird and I'm getting sick of it. I don't know if there's a solution, I just wanted to vent to a neutral party and get some suggestions.

    iballthatshit.
     
  2. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    ignore it and don't stoop down to your sister in laws level. she is a child with a child, how much do you expect out of her?

    your mother in law etc are "helping" your sister in law out with the baby because the baby is the innocent one in this. the child still needs to be taken care of; would you want to see your sister in law and niece/nephew out in the street or with some man living a wild life?

    you and your wife should be the bigger persons and ignore the comments, she's ignorant
     
  3. Thought Thinker

    Thought Thinker Circling the drain.

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    Well of course not, we actually bought her a crib, changing table and have given her probably 2k worth of baby clothes. I would do anything to see her child have a good life, like you said he is the innocent one. That's not the problem we will always be there for him.

    The issue is the way her Sister acts and regardless of how many times I tell her in every way possible she is still really hurt because it's her family, and her Sister that she helped raise (dad died at a young age due to heart problems). So they have/had a really strong family bond, so this really hurts her. We never feed into her games, but after a while and ignoring it for so long, what can you do.
     
  4. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    take her to the side and talk to her, ask her why she says the things she says? maybe she's hurting in some way and lashes out at family members :dunno: sucks this is happening

    something similar happened between my sister and I when she first had her baby, but things are better now.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If you put your hand in the fire you are going to get damaged and hurt, the best thing that you can do is avoid these kind of people in the first place,

    However in the 'unavoidable case' its best to just walse over her, first complain(without caring about her feelings, and don't hold back) tell her all her wrongdoings, and tell her how a non caring booze addicted selfish whore who lets other people take care of her shit has no right to talk or look down on a hard working person while she shuffles all her shit into the faces of other people instead of taking responsibility for her own child, something she could look up to off her sister. You have to say these things emotionless and without caring about anything that she says back, just flatten her and make her fall on her face, don't bottle all this shit up inside of you, and do not allow people to walk over you

    Some people need to be corrected in life, and you must not be afraid to tell them straight forward whats wrong with them, otherwhise they'll never learn. You don't need losers in your life.
     
  6. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    it is a snowball thing. you are so angry about how her younger sister is being treated, and how does that make the situation better? Now your wife will probably be effected by your anger somehow when she probably has a lot of her own already :eek3:
     
  7. Thought Thinker

    Thought Thinker Circling the drain.

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    Well that's part of it. Everyone babies her and walks on egg shells because everything is so hard for her blahblahblah. I guess everyone forgets she has done this all to herself, and she should be thanking God daily she has people like us in her life as her family to make sure she is taken care of. She's basically a spoiled brat taking advantage of everyone.

    I've told my Wife this over and over, the more we let her do it, the more she thinks it's alright. My Wife has lashed out at her, and stuck up for herself but history repeats itself and it happens again and again. I did it for a while, but if I say something to her, she waits until we leave and then cries to her Mom asking why I hate her, why I say this and that and everything else completely manipulating and flipping the situation to put herself as the victim as she gathers supporters. Then her Mom calls my wife and says I don't need to do stuff like that and everything else causing more conflict.

    It's fucked up man.

    Thanks to everyone who has commented though. :hsd:

    I know I just need to stick by my wife and let her know I appreciate everything she does regardless of the family situation.
     
  8. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    and let me just say, her day will come. a cousin of mine was just like that and grand ma ma babied her to death. cousin had a kid grandma pampered it-cousin moved off pissed the grandma off and then tried to move in with daddy and pissed him off and got kicked out. cousin moves in with baby's daddy hundreds of miles away-grandma feels bad because she is kind hearted so she still tries to pamper cousin. this whole time the cousin ignores grandma and eventually grandma gave up. when she gave up some time passed and then the cousin begged for free giveaways, which made the grandma realize cousins motives.

    and this whole entire time, i did not fuss over it because it was not a bit fair for me or anyone else when cousin got thousands of dollars in gifts when the rest of us got maybe 200 dollars spent on us if we were lucky. i kept my cool because, why should i be angry over the choices my grandma made?

    why should you be angry that anyone babies her and walks on egg shells? it is your choice, just in case you thought it wasnt...


    oh btw, i saw your anger when you said
    are you required to think about this in the first place? you have the choice to make, no one else.
     

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