SRS Shyness/Self-conciousness is killing my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mestizo, Jul 14, 2009.

  1. mestizo

    mestizo New Member

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    I'm 24 and have a college degree, a house, and a really good paying job. I'm smart and good... err OK at what I do at work.

    However, I have a few issues that are really holding me back and keeping me from enjoying what I've worked for. I'm really just looking for a place to vent, but any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

    I am very shy. I don't ever feel comfortable around new people, and avoid large gatherings of strangers like the plague. The reason is, I'm so self-conscious about how I'm perceived when I meet new people. I have this absurd desire that I don't want to make anyone unhappy or give off a bad impression of myself. In actuality, I don't really care what people think of me and if they make their negative impression known, its easier for me to care less.

    When meeting someone new, I often talk real fast and act overly nervous for no reason at all. I then, almost always, leave a bad impression... Its getting to the point where I'm just avoiding these situations so I don't have to deal with them. I'm coming off as stand offish or arrogant, but its just the shyness.

    I've always been the type of person with a few good friends, not tons. Moving to a new city a year ago on top of a falling out with some of my college friends has really left me alone. I've met new people up here, but no one that I'd consider a friend or hang out with.

    It takes a while for me to feel comfortable with someone, and I'm always still conscious that I might say something to fuck it up. However, I don't have these issues nearly as bad once I am comfortable with someone. The most contact I have with other people is just drinking and watching ball games at my house with my neighbor. If he wasn't overly friendly, I probably wouldn't even have that.

    At work, this is just a disaster. It takes me forever to go ask someone for help, I come off so nervous that people don't really understand me. I always feel like people have the impression I'm wasting their time. Like why the fuck is this person talking to me. I have zero BSing skills with people I don't know, so people never really feel loose and chummy with me.

    Needless to say, I haven't been in a relationship since college which was a LT deal leftover since high school. I think its getting worse as it persists, and I'm really worrying about my ability to ever have a normal, fun life. As of now, I'm just existing...

    Anyone ever have a similar problem?
     
  2. bluefox1081

    bluefox1081 New Member

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    You pretty much described how I feel. I'm generally an overall friendly guy, but it just seems like people get a bad impression of me because of my social inabilities. Don't have many friends, get nervous or bored at parties from feeling alone, haven't had a girl in years, not good at starting conversations, etc.
     
  3. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I think you just have to keep putting yourself in positions that are uncomfortable to you until you get more comfortable with it. I know I have to.

    All those things you avoid, you need to stop avoiding.
     
  4. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Yup. I Agree. I don't think anyone can just perform for people without getting the hang of it.

    Case and point: I used to be terrified of speaking in front of groups of people. This was really hard in early high school. I tried out for a band sophomore year of high school and didn't get accepted. I ended up doing my own music individually, and performed as only one of two solo acts at my high school battle of the bands. I got second place out of thirty as voted by the student body. It was a wake up call for me, because I was terrified to go on stage, to sing in front of people I knew... what if I was horrible. Now I am also a teacher - I ONLY speak to groups of students. Freshman year of high school I would've said no way I'd teach because of the talking in front of groups of people fear.

    The one quote that helped me accomplish these things was so simple: "You always regret the chances you never take"
     

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