Shy in teh Sheets

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by kristaliah, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    My firiend (and yes, I really do mean my friend) is in need of some advice before he goes crazy and explodes. Basically, he's been dating this one girl for about 4-5 months. He's gonna be 23 at the end of the month and she's 19. Things are great, he loves her to death, they get along. She claims she loves him, says he's the best thing to ever happen to her etc but she doesn't do anything. Now that wouldn't be a problem if Ryan (my friend) wasn't going out of his way to please her sexually. She just refuses to reciprocate.

    Problem is, is that he is the nicest guy on the planet so he's quietly dealt with it for the past few months.. Going down on her, making out with her, playing with her tits etc.. Yet his clothes always have to stay on. He's not mad at her, just frustrated. She'll send him flirty text messages about how "tonights the night" but then when he picks her up and takes her back to his place, he does his part.. they lay together for a bit, and then she says it's time to go back home or she suggests they watch a movie etc.

    Now this girl IS a virgin, so he's thinking she's just insanely shy and scared because she's inexperienced. I can relate to that bit. But for me, I actually *want* to get my guy off so even when I'm not sure, or scared how to do something, I'll look it up or watch porn ( :hsugh: ) til I get it. I can understand being scared to do something for the first time, but it's getting to the point where it's not fair to him anymore. He wants to talk to her about it, and they've had mini conversations in the past in which she apologizes and says she feels bad, but still nothing has changed. Are there any certain things he should be saying to her? He's scared he'll sound like a jerk but basically everytime they hang out, she gets off and he gets nothing and it's getting to the point where it physically hurts him and emotionally as well, since it is a quiet sort of rejection.

    Any advice?
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2007
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    They have to talk :dunno:

    It's not fair to dump someone solely because they're not putting out, but lack of reciprocation or reasonable effort in that direction isn't fair, either. It sounds like she could be stringing him along (perhaps partly unintentionally). Either way, he needs to discuss it with her to find out what the situation is, then decide whether he wants to wait it out or not.

    Guys have needs just like girls do. If she's failing to meet them and isn't interested in trying, it's time for him to move on.
     
  3. Takitome

    Takitome New Member

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    I was sure I posted but..

    Has he tried the obvious thing, like ask whats wrong? As in actually ask?
     
  4. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Something wasn't clear to me in the first post.

    Has he tried simply stripping down and putting her hand on his erect penis? Has he tried anything along those lines? If not, why not? If so, what happened?

    I think every time I've given someone else responsibility for my own desires, it's turned out poorly. At least compared to when I take responsibility for my own desires.
     
  5. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Yea, he'll talk to her about it and they'll make plans to have sex etc so he'll get a hotel (he's living back at his moms house atm) and take her out to a nice dinner but then nothing happens. NOTHING.

    When they talked a while ago after one of the no action nights, she just said she was scared and seemed upset about it, but then nothings happened since then.
     
  6. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    Take the bull by the horns.

    Tell him to make the move and see how she reacts.

    I agree with JJJ.
     
  7. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    I dont think you understand.. He is the NICEST guy on this planet and doesnt want to fuck this up for the world. I'm sure he tries.. it's not like he goes down on her and then just sits there and she can obviously tell that he wants something, but he doesnt push it because he's afraid to lose her I guess or upset her.
     
  8. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    Wow... what a bitch.

    She's using him while completely denying him the most enjoyable parts of a new relationship. They need to have a long talk about what the fuck sort of anxiety it is she has over sex, because being so fucked in the head about it that the dude can't even take his clothes off.

    Here's some clarification. She's comfortable enough the way things are because she's getting the luxury of completely avoiding having to confront her anxiety while still getting EVERYTHING that he's not getting. She'll keep doing it as long as he lets her, and it makes him a doormat.

    If, at the end of that conversation, his dick isn't in her mouth or balls deep into her, then that shit needs to be ended. He is wasting his time, energy, and emotions on someone who's either fucked in the head, selfish, or both.
     
  9. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    Maybe it would be better for him to take it slow? I mean, grabbing a hotel room seems to insinuate a lot.

    He should still take the lead. Why not take her hand and place it on him? He doesn't even have to be nekkid. Start small and see what happens.

    That's what I did with my ex. :o
     
  10. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    kristaliah, I feel like you are asking such a weird question.

    There is such an obvious action he can take to get what he desires. He need only strip down and put his girlfriend's hand on his erect penis.

    You are asking for an action he can take to get what he desires.

    I tell you the obvious action he can take to get what he desires.

    You tell me your friend would be unwilling to take this action because he doesn't think it's "nice".

    Why are you trying to help somebody who is unwilling or unable to help himself?
     
  11. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Because he's a nice guy that deserves something great. :hs:

    He has TERRIBLE history with girls and he ALWAYS gets used. He's trying to go at this girls pace, but it's not fair.. Personally, I think he needs to get out of the relationship since they are obviously on different maturity levels etc but I dont really know how to tell him that and I WANT this to work so I was hoping someone had some advice.

    Like when they're fooling around she'll just kinda bite her lip and be a tease about it but she never makes the effort.. I guess I'll ask him if he could at least try a little harder getting her "more comfortable" wiht his anatomy but I really dont think he has the balls to do something like that.
     
  12. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Being someone who is respectful (nice) has nothing to do with being assertive/a man... He needs to be a man, a leader and thus lead his woman... If she won't take her clothes off he needs to look her in the eye and make steps towards it. Sounds to me like HE is the one being shy. What on earth is he so scared of...

    Again, this fear of 'being a jerk' or fear of this or that, it has nothing to do with actual fear of being a jerk, he's just scared to assert himself because he's so afraid she will leave him or be upset... umm well maybe she's just not getting turned on by this type of behavior, who would?
     
  13. Dreams2Reality

    Dreams2Reality saywhat

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    Want your boy to get laid?

    He needs to stop pleasing her, for one. If she's continually using him to get off, get hers and get out, then that's obviously an issue. If your boy is telling you she's enjoying it, giving in to it, and is completely open to being pleased.. then something is wrong.

    Your boy needs to rub himself against her, grab her hand and run it across his "body".. Needs to do something. Apparently she has no desire, cause quite frankly, I've never met any girl from 16-30 that can resist sex or pleasure after that long.. it's unheard of.

    If he's too "scared" or "worried" about being physically forward then he needs to step up his linguistics. He needs to be whispering warm air into her ears, biting her neck, running his fingers down her side gently.. something while communicating with her. Obviously he knows what she likes.

    She needs to grab em.. how bout you talk to her? Hah.

    Hot, wet, sticky and confused - remember them in that order.
     
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I mean... no offense, but what else is there for him to do? There is 1 course of action and it's obvious.
    :werd: This is the problem.

    Your friend is letting himself suffer. I know how frustrating that is because I had a friend who was like that. She would lament her shitty love life, and then in the next moment stuff her face - and then stay in all weekend long. When opportunities presented themselves she always took just enough action to miss them. Just like your friend here: he's hooking up with this girl EVERY NIGHT, and if, on just ONE of those nights, he took out his penis and let her deal with it... he'd get off and she'd begin her journey towards loving the cock.

    Your friend has been fucking himself over every night for months. If he doesn't have the balls, he really really needs to find them.
     
  15. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Sure it is. If one persons needs/wants don't match up with the other persons needs/wants and they have already communicated about this but nothing has changed, why would it not be fair to end it?

    If he isn't getting what he wants from a relationship, after trying to fix it up, then he should abort.
     
  16. b16

    b16 New Member

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    make her put her hair in pigtails? :naughty::rofl:
     
  17. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

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    The problem is that he isn't trying to fix and is complaining about it to someone who isn't his girlfriend.
     
  18. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    your friend is being a pussy. give your friend this advice "hey stop being a pussy and DO something, dont talk about it. if you keep trying shit and she still wont budge, try to have sex with her best friend after you dump her."


    or just dump her and find a new girl. in all reality though, sexoring her best friend if shes not an uggo whale would be an amusing way to tell her she needs to stop being a cock teasing bitch
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    No wonder he gets walked all over in his relationships, he's (no offense) a big pussy. I bet he's one of those annoying pathetic guys too who always complains that "nice guys finish last." Gee, I wonder why. If you want something then do what you have to to get that result or move on.
     
  20. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    he needs to do what i did which is fuck her when she's asleep. she'll wake up and get into it. but dont talk about it afterwards unless she brings it up or else she'll insist that she wasn't really awake :ugh:
     
  21. razi

    razi New Member

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    being nice doesn't mean being a wimp. he needs to be assertive and reassure his girl that what she's doing feels good. don't make a big deal out of it, just do it. look her in the eyes, smile, etc. but yeah, your boy is being weak when he needs to be strong.

    she probably clams up because he puts her on the spot, even if it's subconsciously.
     
  22. deuceforty

    deuceforty between rupture and rapture

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    what the fuck thats the weirdest thing ive ever heard.....
     
  23. sassy2424

    sassy2424 New Member

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    I had a friend that didn't do anything with her boyfriend for close to 6 months and he was doing everything for her (much like your friend). she was a virgin, and it's exactly how it sounds, she was just afraid of what would happen. I agree with JJJ, he should maybe walk her through it, make it less scary for her?
    Maybe she just feels too pressured, especially since when he goes down on her, he knows what he's doing and she's probably afraid she'll mess things up. ::dunno::
     
  24. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    There is a difference between being a Nice Guy and an Insecure Guy

    Your friend is not a nice guy, he's very insecure about his relationship hence always trying hardest not to "fuck it up". Woman hate that shit, every which way and every place. He needs to step up the lead and physically guide the sexual pace. If she holds off says no, then yes you stop but he needs to actively be showing her what to do.

    I personally had a girl just two weekends ago ( we were walking around ) literally said straight up "You're the guy be the man and lead" ( this was just for trying to find my car.... )
     
  25. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    we had a very sexually dysfunctional relationship :o
     

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