Should you be able to do what you want when you have a GF?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by BradUF, Mar 15, 2007.

  1. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    By this I mean if your friends call you up to go to a party and then later your gf calls you up. Should you just be able to invite her along and if she does not want to go, go anyways and there should be no problem? I listen to a few people on here basicly saying what you want to do should not change for your gf but now I feel like I was wrong about that. I notice other people with girl friends are always changing plans to do what there gf wants. I just feel like what I did in the last months were wrong. I took this advice and when ever I had plans I would invite my gf with me and she would always say no and become depressed. I felt like I should not be deprived of what I want to do just because she didn't want to do it. I just feel like I ruined everything on something that could never be. That you should have so much in common with your gf that when you want to do something she wants to come along also because honestly, I have yet to see girls come out with there boyfriends to have a good time with friends. Everyone seems to just watch movies with there girl friends. That is what drove me insane, I stayed at home and watched movies for 2 years and my gf not once, ever...Came out with me to a party or something.

    Im just curious, Viper did you just do what your gf/wife wanted forever until you got fed up and just stop doing things she wanted and when that happen the shit hit the fan?
     
  2. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    If you agreed to go to the party, you technically made plans already, so stick to them when your gf calls asking for you to come over.

    Don't be that guy who changes plans all the time and abandons friends to satisfy your gf; no doormats allowed.
     
  3. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    21.. Thats the thing though fluentinsilence, just about every guy does change his plans for his girl friend.
     
  4. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Bingo.
     
  5. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

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    plans are plans. my fiancee and i make plans, we don't break them. i make plans with teh guys/she makes plans with teh girls we don't break them.

    however, when you do have that time together, make it cool. you said, always doing what the g/f wants to do. doesn't work. there has to be compromise. i see a chick flick or help her scrapbook for a night, she comes auto crossing with me for a sunday/saturday. both are happy and your spending time with one another. *lucky for me, my girl wants to get into auto crossing now. :)

    i guess the point to all the dribble, was to make plans ahead of time and you won't have to run into this situation.
     
  6. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    I know and that's really sad. I know a guy who used to have the whole thing down when dealing with girls; didn't get bothered by them too much, hung out with friends a lot, and so forth. He met this one girl at a club a couple years ago, two weeks later they're considered a couple, and now he has had to work around her to hang out with us; a lot of us commented that as soon as he started getting serious with this chick, it became 'less fun.'

    I don't mean totally neglect your gf either, but there's a line to be drawn as to how much in control you are of a situation like this.
     
  7. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    its one of those things in a relationship where you don't really need "rules" of should and should not.

    If you have trust, respect, and shared values, it should just work itself out. Talk it over, don't assume.

    I am ok with my girl doing pretty much whatever she wants, and hanging out with whoever she wants. On the other hand, if i ask to meet the people shes hanging out with, i would not be at all ok if she said i couldn't. If i dislike someone personally or if they do something that shows they can't respect our relationship, then that person is no longer ok to hang out with. This is just me, and it's different for everyone. Talk it over. be reasonable, and compromise.

    and try to be fair... guys that think they should be able to do whatever yet try to keep their girls on a short leash is just :ugh:
     
  8. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Thats the way things were for me and everyone tells me I did the right thing but it doesn't feel that way sometimes.
     
  9. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    wow, just read your post more closely.. why bother having a GF if you can't have fun with her?

    I would never have a GF that wasnt fun to hang out with and could have fun with my friends.

    I brought my girl to tons of things she wouldnt have done without me, like parties, clubs, skiing, surfing, concerts.

    but it goes both ways.

    I went to tons of things i didnt really want to do initially. road trips, plays (i hate musicals with a fiery passion), modern dance, wine tastings, her parties... etc etc.

    you just need some balance. When its important try hard to say yes, when its not, try hard to let each other have some freedom. :dunno:
     
  10. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    How often do you see a guy with his gf out with his friends thought, think about that? Clearly that implies that girls going out with their boyfriends to bars with there friends just does not happen.
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I got lucky. My boyfriend had a life before me and still does with me. I'm lucky because I love all of his friends so I like to hangout with them too. I know the girls you are talking about though; the posessive ones who dont want their boyfriend doing anything without them, or more importantly have fun with their friends if they're not there. It all comes back to their insecurity.

    I know that if my bf is going to hang out with his guy friends I don't have to worry, because usually they just chill anyhow & more importantly because I trust him. HOWEVER, (this is the main point I was trying to make) if your guy friends ask you to come out you should at least invite your gf. I would be pissed the hell off if my SO was going to some party with all his friends (which I consider my friends too) and didn't invite me at least.

    Now if you invite her out and she says no because she doesn't like your friends or that scene...then really I just dont think you are compatible. I don't think watching movies 3 times a week at your place is healthy honestly.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It happens once a week with me. In fact I am going out to a bar with my bf and all his friends tonight.
     
  13. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    It was worse then that. She would come over and watch TV for hours, like 8 hours a day.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Jesus. I don't understand how you can't look at that and be glad that relationship is over man, seriously.
     
  15. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    That is all I wanted is for once a week for us to stuff with our friends together. I just feel it is impossible to find a girl that is like that. I have been looking forever and have been on a few dates and nothing. The last girl was just to damn busy to do anything with me. I just feell like crap, I got up the guts to be like fuck this, Im going to do what I want and that I can do better. Now 9 months latter and nothing at all. I feel a need to do better in terms of looks and personaility.
     
  16. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    :werd: people who lives center around tv disgust me. (and bore the hell out of me)

    i know it sucks being alone sometimes man, but hang in there.

    Ive never had a girl who didnt come with me to parties and the bar and whatever fun weekend stuff was going on.
     
  17. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Well maybe one day I will find a girl who will go places with me and what not and want to live my life style but it sure doesn't seem that way.
     
  18. Drilldo

    Drilldo Active Member

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    I think it's kind of a compromise... it's called a "significant" other for a reason, if you call them that they I would assume you'd want to spend alot of time with them. That said anyone who tries to make you chose between them and your friends doesn't have your best interests at heart (they always should and vice versa).
     
  19. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    I generally always take my GF with me. I don't mind having her around, and once we're doing something she can go off on her own if she wants.
     
  20. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    It all just depends on what I feel like doing. If I make plans with friends (not meaning serious plans), then my girlfriend calls and I feel like hanging out with her, then i'll do that. Other times, if I feel like going out with my friends instead, i'll just say "I had plans already, get over it, nerd. Goddd my girlfriend is psycho!!!" in a joking way.

    Just switch it up a bit. Be random about it. Sometimes when she is saying "Come on babyyyyy, come see me instead." be like "Ahhhh alright. You win! I'm coming over." and other times be like "Screw that! The movie "300" is way too cool looking and i'm seeing it."
     
  21. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Hey, Im going to see 300 in about an hour too.
     
  22. fray

    fray New Member

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    awesome movie! have fun.

    I think you will find a girl. I wouldn't worry about it. I agree with what antihero said above...bascically, if it's right, then you don't need rules, things just fall into place. Obviously sometimes there's adjustment or compromises, but it shouldn't seem like a ton of work, really.
     
  23. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Weren't you saying in another thread that you were getting sick of your friends because they did nothing but go out and get trashed every night? If that's the case, then can you really blame a girl for not wanting to hang out with them? If all you and your friends want to do is get drunk all the time then you need to find an alcoholic chick to date. You're in college so it shouldn't be that hard to find one.
     
  24. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    Just about every guy tends to get dumped by the girls he dates rather than the other way around. Or gets cheated on. Or divorce papers filed against him.

    Clearly, it's not worth emulating them :hs:

    You have anecdotal experience that sticking to your plans is bad, but that's because you were dating a girl who was not right in the head. She was depressed and sulky and needy.
     
  25. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    My friends do go out and drink every night and I haven't been out in quite some time because I don't drink beer anymore. I am always saying to my friends it is not good to get drunk every night and we should go do something else. Everyone is just like "Fuck it, what is there to do besides drink?"
     

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