Should this even bother me?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Riconosuave, Mar 24, 2010.

  1. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    1,108
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm living in Japan dating a Japanese woman. Been dating for almost 8 months now, and it's pretty serious. She spends half the week at my place. Most weekends, she stays over the whole time. Sometimes she will go out to dinner or hang out with her friends on a Saturday or Friday. I don't fully understand the Japanese mentality yet, especially when it comes to relationships. They seem to be more serious and more faithful/loyal. Last week she said she was going out for some drinks with a friend on Friday, and that she'd come over Saturday. No big deal. I don't mind if she spends time with her friends. On Saturday, I asked her about her night, and came to find out that she went drinking with a guy she used to work with. I told her it sounded like a date. She said it was nothing of the sort. Just a couple drinks, and that I had nothing to worry about. That I'm the only one she wants to be with, and that if I wasn't comfortable with it, she wouldn't see this friend again. I didn't really ask her any details about the guy. Not sure how often they hang out or what not. As far as I know, it's the first time since we've been together. She doesn't like me hanging out with female friends and doesn't even like females to come over to my place, so seems a bit BS if she's hanging out with guy friends. On Sunday, while she was over here, I'm pretty sure the guy called her. She talked to some guy for a min, but it was in Japanese, so I don't know what she was talking about. She wasn't acting suspicious or anything and it seemed like a friendly conversation. It's kind of been nagging me a bit though. I'm thinking about asking her for some details about this guy and their friendship. Am I thinking too much? She's been great, and hasn't given me any reasons not to trust her. I do trust her, but my trust for females only goes so far. Cause if she wanted to cheat, there would be no way of me knowing, seeing as how I can't read or understand any Japanese. No way of me ever finding out.
     
  2. john law

    john law Guest

    paragraphs are your friend. use them
     
  3. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    you are right, they have a different mentality. there are some american women that are like this though. i think you should take what she is saying as genuine, you already said you have no reason to not trust her. don't go fishing for one.
     
  4. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Sounds like nothing to me, but I would have a problem with the hypocrite part. Although her having drinks with a friend is a bit different than you having a woman over to your home.
     
  5. P-chan

    P-chan New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Messages:
    52,586
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus, Ohio....son
    How the hell are you living in Japan and don't read or understand ANY Japanese? Get your ass some Rosetta Stone and start learning! If you continue to live there, you're going to want to learn it, and if you move back to an English-speaking country, you're going to kick yourself for not learning Japanese while you were there.
     
  6. Deepsouthwrx

    Deepsouthwrx If in doubt, flat out!

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2004
    Messages:
    9,501
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Central, MS
    this.
     
  7. PcH

    PcH Guest

    I'd learn Japanese, but that's a side note from the topic at hand.

    Either you trust her or you don't. I agree that it's stupid/not fair that she can hang out with a guy friend and it's okay, but if you hang out with a girl friend it's not okay. Setting, like FS said, definitely plays a role. You having a girl over your place compared to her and a guy in a public setting are different.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I'm actually more annoyed right now that she would walk away on a phone call and speak in Japanese. I mean I completely understand that is her native language and she is in her country....ugh, I just would never go speak on my phone in Spanish in another room and not explain to my SO what it was about.
     
  9. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    0
    But you are also in an english speaking country. He is in Japan and for whatever reason hasn't learned Japanese. Is his gf supposed to translate every encounter she has in Japanese to him?

    Back to the topic at hand, like you said she hasn't given you a reason not to trust her so don't worry about it :dunno:
     
  10. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    1,108
    Likes Received:
    0
    She didn't walk to another room. She was right next to me when she answered. It happens. Usually it's her mom or dad, and she apologizes for having to answer the phone. She can't really help having to speak in Japanese. I should try to learn just so I can pick up on what people are talking about.
     
  11. Silmatharien

    Silmatharien OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2004
    Messages:
    19,850
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well the threadstarter didn't ask about the convo for one thing. Maybe the person she was talking to didn't speak English so it would make sense to have the conversation in Japanese.
     
  12. P-chan

    P-chan New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Messages:
    52,586
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus, Ohio....son

    If you get Rosetta stone, and follow the directions and use it, you will be speaking in no time at all. Your learning will be accellerated 5x just for the fact that you live in Japan and can practice every day.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    No no no, I knew that my comment would be taken that way, but I more am just sympathizing with how annoying it is when you don't speak the language

    I believe he should already have learned at least some Japanese being there for 8 months! I'm just going off experience when people you know break into a different language right next to you and don't even mention what it was about. I'm not saying she needs to dissect every convo she has, god no, it just sounds like the guy called and she walked away speaking Japanese and then came and sat back down without a word. Of course IMO that proves the TS doesn't really have anything to worry about, I just hate the feeling of loved one's speaking a different language next to you and not realizing it's almost torture now knowing what they are saying.

    UGH, I hate when I go and get my nails done and those bitches talk about me!
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Took you 8 months there to realize this?
     
  15. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    0
    :werd: yeah it get's annoying but I think if I was in another country it wouldn't bother me too much since the norm is to be speaking the countries language. Here though I find it extremely annoying and rude when people speak in another language around English speakers and don't bother to translate. My last bf's mom always speaks in Spanish even though she knows English while addressing both me and her son. It is by far one of the most annoying things because my Spanish isn't that great but she justifies it by saying that it'll help me learn Spanish. News flash: if you're speaking in Spanish it seems like you are saying something you don't want me to understand and don't be surprised if what you want to get done never happens because I don't understand what the fuck you are saying :ugh:. My mom never rarely speaks to me in French around others because she doesn't want to be rude, so at least she has a clue.

    Yeah, it's seriously easier to do your own nails and not have to listen to the Korean. Plus, it's cheaper :)
     
  16. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    1,108
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm ashamed to admit that I've been here almost 2 years. I can speak and understand a little bit, but defnintely not conversational yet. Where I work, I don't have to speak any Japanese, so unless I really make an effort, I don't get to practice it. You would think having a Japanese GF would help, but she speaks great English.

    And no, I didn't ask her about the conversation. I rarely ask her what she's talking about. Only when I hear a male voice will I give her a look and maybe ask what's up. First time she's talked to a man, other than her father, in my presence. She does do a lot of texting ... it's pretty huge in Japan.
     
  17. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2008
    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    0
    :ugh: I think it's time you finally learned Japanese
     
  18. Riconosuave

    Riconosuave New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    1,108
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm going to apologize to her tomorrow, since I basically gave her a I don't trust you vibe. I'll also tell her I not comfortable with her hanging out alone with another man and she where it goes from there. She doesn't forbid me from going out with a female friend, but she made it pretty clear that she doesn't like it. Since I love her, I don't do it.
     
  19. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    :werd:

    Tell her it's this:

    ディールブレーカー

    Dealbreaker.

    Don't be manipulated. Chicks do bad shit and then tell you "don't be so insecure," and they also tell you not to do something but then they do the same thing. Recognize it for what it is, man. You're male: your brain processes logic.

    That being said, Japanese chicks are typically probably a little less likely to be complete whores than American chicks.

    Why are you apologizing to her when you haven't done anything wrong (hang out with chicks) yet she has (hang out with dudes)???

    PS. Pimsleur >> Rosetta Stone
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2010
  20. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    communication is key

    ps, you are crazy for not learning japanese 2 years ago....
     
  21. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :roflw:
     
  22. giapia

    giapia Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you re

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    7,065
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SoCal
    being vietnamese, i can totally attest to this :o
     
  23. Kyoko

    Kyoko New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2008
    Messages:
    872
    Likes Received:
    0
    Self-centered much?

    I know many people who work at nail salons, and I can honestly say that no one's talking about you or your shitty nails. 99.9% of what they're saying is gossiping amongst their own. The only time they'll talk about you is if you're being an asshole or a stingy bitch or an ignorant cunt, and it is usually after you leave. Pretty much like at any other place you go to.

    And women's brain don't?
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2010
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    :rofl: I know when they are talking about me, they are not subtle.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Not as easily as men :mamoru:
     

Share This Page