Should it upset me that my friends still hang out with my ex?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by turbo35, Oct 5, 2009.

  1. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Long story short, I got tired of the bitch's drivel and stopped bending over backwards for her. She decides that, instead of changing and becoming a better person, she'd just fuck somebody else who'd put up with her crap and buy her more shit than I was. :rofl:

    Anyways, she moves back home out of the blue (find out later she moved in with this guy). All my friends are supportive etc, but they still do stuff with her once every month or two (I end up getting pictures on facebook, they hide it from me otherwise tho).

    It kinda pisses me off that they could still be friends with someone who screwed me over so badly, if one of our guy friends fucked someone over he'd be out... but for some reason, they still kick it with this worthless whore, and it gets under my skin.

    Justified? Unjustified? :dunno:
     
  2. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    How did she screw you over so badly? Was it because she wanted something DIFFERENT in the relationship than you did?

    Seems like she expected something out the relationship that you didnt want/feel comfortable giving her. Whether that be more money, buy her more presents, or what ever, thats her prerogative. If shes willing to find someone who is enough of a sucker than so be it.

    Was she a mutual friend before you dated or was she a girl you brought around? If she was friends with your 'people' before the two of you dated, then honestly, you're just being an uptight jealous lil ass.
     
  3. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Unjustified. You have 0 say in who anyone is friends with (not counting people who think they can control who their SO is friends with)
     
  4. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I brought her into the circle. Her screwing me over isn't anything I want to get into here, but it involves lots of lying/dishonesty after a 7 year relationship.
     
  5. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    see, that's what I don't get... if someone fucked over one of my friends (either financially or otherwise), they wouldn't be someone I'd associate with, both because of who they are and out of respect for the friend. I don't see why this is any different?
     
  6. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Because they knew her for 7 years. It's not like they rub your nose in it, and sounds like they don't invite her out when you are around. So get over yourself.
     
  7. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I guess? I still see it the same as the other logic tho, even if I knew a buddy for 10 years, if they intentionally fuck one of my other friends over, that's not something I'm gonna let slide.
     
  8. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Your issue took place within a relationship... shit happens in relationships... A friend doing something to a friend is different then an SO doing something to the other person in the relationship.

    At least to me.

    Which is another point... you are upset because apparently people don't think like you... why should they?

    Again, they aren't doing it in front of you... get over yourself.
     
  9. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2004
    Messages:
    23,699
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NoVA
    Well for all we know what you view as "fucking someone over" could be not that big of a deal. Without details we can't say what your friends are thinking.
     
  10. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    IMHO you don't get a vote on who your friends decide to have as friends. My guess is they value your friendship, but want to plant themselves into any of the ex's orifices.

    I'm not sure why you're bothered? If the shoe were reversed, what would you do?
     
  11. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    If I cut everyone from my life that had screwed over/done something wrong to someone they were in a relationship with I'd have a lot less friends.
     
  12. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    7 years of relationship = 7 years of her being around your friends.

    I dont care what that 'screwing you over' was, she has the right to hang out with people who enjoy her company, and vice versa.


    You're an ex b/f to her at this point, and thats about it. She shouldnt have to change her circle of friends cause her ex bf is pussy hurt.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Most people will not hold grudges for the sake of an abstract principle.

    They may do it out of emotion as in personal resentment. But not if they don't actually feel it. They won't "force" a grudge. They would find it to be contrived and awkward.

    Personally I have no problem "artificially" holding grudges for reason rather than feeling. That makes me an exception.
     
  14. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Yeah, I see it completely differently.

    The fact that it was in a relationship that supposedly had even more honestly/trust than the average friendship just makes it all the more disgusting that something like this would happen.

    The issue isn't that they don't think like me, the issue is that I expect the same level of respect from friends as I give them, and something like this is way beyond anything I'd even consider. That's what bothers me, not that they don't agree with me.

    Lied to me, was seeing this guy behind my back, etc... I don't think specific details are necessary, only that it was a huge breach of trust and handled very poorly.
     
  15. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I guess I value quality over quantity
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2004
    Messages:
    23,006
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Yeah well details are necessary in the vag. "Lying until proven honest" is the motto.
     
  17. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2007
    Messages:
    3,909
    Likes Received:
    0
    yes you should be upset, but NO you should not be able to dictate to your friends that they cannot see her EVEN if you were the one who brought her into their lives.

    just deal with it. this is life.
     
  18. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Most of my friends are quality friends, but a lot of people do stupid things in relationships.

    And the issue IS that they don't think like you. You expect them to hold grudges against people who didn't wrong them even though you would.
     
  19. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    fucking. and :werd:
     
  20. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    I love people who make threads so they can have people tell them what they want to hear. Then get pissy and argue when no one tells them what they want to hear.
     
  21. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2007
    Messages:
    30,849
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rhode Island
    Daily bro.
     
  22. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Uhh... I think the point of this is to explain why I think the way I do and compare/contrast other viewpoints.

    If you think that's getting pissy and arguing, you're way off base. :dunno:
     
  23. THoC

    THoC New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    Messages:
    7,341
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    TRampa, FL
    happened to me when my wife and i got divorced. i introduced her to a circle of friends.
    they made their own choice. some stopped talking to her bc of what she did to me. some kept talking to her.

    either way i did not care. they formed a relationship w. her during the 6 yrs we were together. so did your friends.

    as long as they are not shoving it in your face, which it appears they are not. then they are doing nothing wrong.
     
  24. turbo35

    turbo35 haters gonna hate

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Messages:
    91,959
    Likes Received:
    67
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    I guess... I feel disrespected because I wouldn't act the same way, but apparantly I just have to accept that they don't have the same standards as myself.
     
  25. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Fair enough, just seemed like you were shooting down everyone else's views because they don't match yours.

    I think you should stop concerning yourself with who is friends with who and just enjoy the fact that she isn't in your life at all.
     

Share This Page