SRS Should I try to talk to them?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DSAzeppelin, Nov 3, 2006.

  1. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    Ok....so this is about my best friend actually, I don't know if this situation is any of my business or not :dunno:

    My buddy Lance, he's been my best friend since we were 6. He's always been a pretty shy guy like me....always been really nice...etc.

    While I was way in FL for college, he got into his very first relationship and they ended up loosing their virginity to eachother...they love eachother...and she then moves in with him. I would have assumed that they were a happy couple.

    But now that I am now back home in Washington, hanging out with Lance and his GF....and he is a completely different person....and it's not good at all.

    Basically...the way my buddy handles the relationship is absolutely horrible. For starters...all they do is fight. They cannot go 3 minutes without blowing up at eachother, and it's always over some stupid petty bullshit. Lance will blow up over anything and always blames it on the GF.

    He's now somewhat of an Alcoholic...and when he drinks, he gets mad. He then explodes even worse and will find any small thing to start a fight...and gets mean. Like for Halloween his GF accidently misplaced part of a pumpkin or some shit...and he explodes, they get into this huge argument and he's trying to kick her out of the house...etc. I mean, just lame ass shit.

    He also mimics his uncle(who lives downstairs) who is a complete womanizer....in the sense that males are the superior...and women just need to know their place...etc. So he is very controlling of her and basically rules her life.


    ***
    It doesnt appear to be too bad...but belive me...it's absolutely horrible. I'd be ashamed of myself if I was acting like that.

    There is a lot of other crap going on...and I'm kind of confused at why my friend is acting this way. Lance has NEVER acted this way before...and to tell you the truth, I am completely uncomfortable and embarissed by his behavior.

    I don't even really enjoy hanging out with him anymore...because it's never fun. They're always together and always fighting. And I hate it.

    Not to mention that I feel sorry for his GF. She is young and immature(as is he)...yes. She does pick some fights too....so Lance isn't completely to blame...but in all...she's a really good girl and I hate to see her be treated like that and get this ugly side of Lance, when in reality he's a great guy.

    He does love her, and she loves him....but their relationship is so completely unhealthy....Lance doesn't even appear to be happy and neither does she.

    ***

    I just want them to be happy and to see my buddy actually happy and in a good relationship because they are important to eachother. And I've known the guy since I was 6...I want his life to be well and happy.

    I don't even think that Lance is aware of his actions, otherwise he wouldn't be acting like it. I've kind of hinted at it a few times when they were done arguing and he was bitching about it to me.

    All of this shit has happened...and I've only been back home for a few weeks now...so this lifestyle has been going on for a while now.

    ***
    Should I step in and try to smooth things out and settle him down, help him out.

    Or.

    Should I just stay back, mind my business and let them learn their lessons? And go on with their own lives?

    I dont know. I want to step in, but I don't know how he'll react(especially about the drinking) and I don't want to cause any shit between us. :hs:
     
  2. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I would step in, because that's the kinda person I am. I would get Lance to just take one night for you and him to just chill and "catch up" on things. If you want to put it that way, he might take it as a night. Then you can bring up the girlfriend and let him try to run the conversation, and maybe pull up some of the fights and see what his opinion on them is.

    Now, of course, if you jump right into the relationship he'll think you're trying to attack his integrity, and most likely will start a fight with you. And, of course, we know that's exactly what we don't want. But if you let him run the conversation, hopefully it will come out as more help than hate. Just ask the right questions and don't act like you're trying to run his life or tell him what to do, just tell him that you notice some things.

    Expect him to get angry, or mad. If you intervene, you might cause more problems than are necessary, and it may cause hardships not only between your relationship with him, but his relationship with his girlfriend.


    All in all, I'd intervene, go out with him "just like the old times" and chill at a bar, or hit up something you used to do (bowling, go-karting, arcade, etc.) and just talk. I'd assume if you haven't seen him in 6 months, you might want to TRY to catch up with stuff.

    Expect:

    - Lance will get angry if he feels he is being attacked
    - Lance may leave in the middle of the conversation in an attempt to avoid it
    - Lance may invite his gf to come as well
    - May cause more problems than are already instantiated
    - May cause a breakup between Lance and his gf


    Though if you don't intervene, their unhealthy relationship may get to the point of abuse, if it hasn't already, and I think that's a more serious matter than you getting yelled at by Lance. Think about it.
     
  3. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    yeaaahhhh...


    sooooo, alcohol is even more of an issue than I thought. Lance decided to drink and then verbally attack me today. We've never had a real fight, nor even raised our voices at eachother.....but all of a sudden he started talking all this shit(and it's utter bullshit)....and decided to try to fuck with me.

    All of this because I said something about me being German, so he said that I shouldn't flaunt that I'm German because of their "spotty history". So in response...I said that he then shouldn't boast the fact that he's Irish, because they don't have a perfect track record either.

    Then in his mindset....he took that as a complete insult to his "blood" and decided that he should get mad and then attempt to tear me a new one.

    ***

    Now.....he wasn't completely drunk, otherwise I'd cut him a little bit of slack...but he did have complete conscience control over his decision to react that way....and I basically told him to fuck off after he started insulting me, I wasn't going to get sucked into some bullshit fight. He then continued to insult me to no end....

    I just walked away.

    So yeah, some friend, eh? Kind of showed his true colors tonight....last 14 years we've been tight...and now he's fucked up.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    This guy sounds like he needs some help. I hope you don't give up on him completely, maybe you can talk him into going to AA or at least realizing that he has a problem. Were either of his parents drunks or drug addicts?
     
  5. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    his mom, since middle school, has been completely fucked up. But she's been out of the picture since then. Hasn't really impacted his life too much, other than the fact that she's been away messing up her life, mixing up with wrong people, drugs...etc.

    And his dad drinks, but he's not a drunk by anymeans. I actually feel sorry for the dad because he works his ass off for that family and gets no respect, all they do is fight with him. Lance SR. is a cool dude, needed to discipline his kids more though. He tries, but at this point, they don't give a fuck what he says.

    His uncle who lives downstairs(Lance rents the upstairs) is a pretty bad influence IMO...a white trash, drunkard(not always drunk, but drunk enough) who treats women like shit(it's actually been one girl for the last 10 years, but she somehow puts up with it). He's a nice dude to me, but definately not a great role model.
     
  6. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    Lance is a cool, nice guy...up until now.


    Now I have no fucking clue what's going on with him. He's still cool and nice in general...but then all of this shit starts rearing it's ugly head, and it is happening every day.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    It seems that your friend has succombed to entering the world of darkness and hatred. Basically because he is so inexperienced with life, he deals with it by copying absolutely horrible role model examples like his uncle, which allows horror to come into his life.

    basically (i just copied this from another thread) tell this to him

    What is more important is how you acted. You see if someone hurts you, its important you don't give another spin to that wheel of hatred, if you do then the hatred will go on forever. And you saw how whatever was left with the relationship you had with her corroded even more. You see arguments act like poison in any given relationship and even small arguments can lead to BIG break ups. So you have to assure yourself that you only put love and light on a continues basis into any given relationship that you have. You see couples are supposed to make eachother happy. She didn't go with you so you could make her life miserable right? And you didn't go with her so she could make your life miserable also right? So for the future don't bring in anything that destroys the relationship, and if your partner does don't give another spin to it. You have to be unconditional love all the time.

    Basically you have to learn that life lesson to him if you want to improve something.
     
  8. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    any history of mental disorder or other psychological issues? If so, he should be visiting a doc...some of this stuff can be influenced by fmaily history. If his mom had/has something he has a greater chance of having it too.
     
  9. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Very good point, it could be hereditary.

    This might be the hardest part, because you will have to swallow your pride and let Lance vent to no end. Try to just stay cool and calm, and understand that what Lance might be saying, however clear and conscious his mind is, may not realize that what he is saying to you really hurts you.

    Of course, if he doens't care, than that's a different story altogether.

    People change, and I would hate to bring up this option to the table, but maybe he's just changing into who he is... However, i would try to either talk to his father about it, or if you have to: the uncle. Maybe get some more background to make a more educated assessment of how and why Lance is acting the way he is.
     
  10. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    yeah, I think an actual talk is pretty much not an option at this point seeing as Lance is being rediculous.

    He's still on his high horse over his actions towards me. I'm a nice and very calm person, if there's ever a problem, I always take the higher road and be the bigger man, try to get things to calm down and make them work. However after he went to that extreme and is sticking to it, I get fed up.

    I told him about his actions towards me, and how reacting that way accomplishes nothing. But if he's going to be a child and act that immaturely, then I'm just going to return the favor. So basically for the first time in my life I decided to not take that high road and resort to actually layed everything out on the table.

    And when I aknowledge his behavior to me, he just made excuses and twisted it back around on me. Didn't even address his attack on me.

    At this point, Lance is a completely different person and he thinks that how he treats his family and GF is going to fly with me. But I'm not going to put up with it.

    I think that if I just roll over and blow off his reaction to me, it'll just prove that his actions, getting angry and attacking people, actually is the way to accomplish things. His family and GF somehow let him react this way, but I'm not going to let him do it to me...especially when it's extremely undeserving.

    ***

    I wanted to help him, but after he turned on me, I honestly don't give a fuck. I do, but me sitting here and trying to reason with him only results in more bullshit attacks on me.

    Like I said....he's really showing his true colors, after 14 years.
     
  11. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    there are no actual mental disorders...


    the mom is just messed up due to her having no common sense/integrity.

    She's just an idiot, who messed up her life, got into hardcore drugs(after he was living with his dad full time...which would be middle school, so there was no DIRECT impact since she was already out of their lives almost completely)....and tons of other shit.
     
  12. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    yeah...I'm completely fed up with Lance at this point.

    I don't know what exactly is going on with him...but I honestly don't want to put up with it if he's turning it around on me and attacking/blaming me for bullshit.

    Is it wrong for me to just slam that door and just forget about it until he figures himself out, or should I deal with the immature explosions and attacks?


    oi :sad2:
     

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