SRS Should I talk to my ex gf from a few years ago?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by newboundguy, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. newboundguy

    newboundguy New Member

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    So we broke up back in 2004 and there hardly goes a day that I don't think of her. I've had other serious gf's, but she was my first true love. I even got word that she wanted to talk to me last year, but I told the messenger to tell her to contact me if she wanted to.

    I don't know what I should do... I think what's really bugging me is that we literally ended our relationship angry at each other by hanging up on eachother. I wish we could have worked things out, but it was one of those wrong place/wrong time relationships =/.

    I feel retarded for even thinking of her after all this time...but I don't know how to stop it.

    I'm sure some of you have gone through this, and i'd like your opinions.
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    probably not
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    *sigh* so you never got closure and after 3 fucking years you still haven't wised up and realized the two of you won't work again? :uh:
     
  4. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    She's an ex for a reason. You need to make the steps to leave her in your past. If you freshen those wounds again, it's gonna be another long 3 years...
     
  5. iDrive

    iDrive OTAP crew. Muradadog crew. GO GATORS!

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    she's an ex for a reason. Leave the past in the past.
     
  6. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    imo if you 2 havent talked for TAHT long then forget it if the agreement after you broke up was to remain friends and you can do that (meaning not let feelings/thoughts about the past bother you) then go for it this is just my opinion tho
     
  7. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I don't see anything wrong with trying to contact her. It sounds like you need some type of closure and if you don't get it then you'll just drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Maybe you'll see her and realize that you are better off as friends :dunno: If not then it's possible that she feels the same way so maybe you could work something out. You'll never know until you try though.
     
  8. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I'd say go ahead and talk to her. This may clear up some thoughts in your head about how you truly feel about her. If you don't, you may go a long time with her still on your mind.
     
  9. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I've found that second hookups with exes tend to provide the closure you're looking for. It's a "in another place, at another time, as different people, would we work better?" kinda thing. Usually the answer is no, but at least you know the answer.

    Still, there has to be mutual attraction. If you just try to get back together with her and she's not interested, then that's creepy and she's telling you the answer you're looking for anyway.
     
  10. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

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    Way back in the 1950's, I rode back and forth to school every day with a girl living on a neighboring ranch. Faded class photographs show us standing close together from kindergarten through probably the 5th grade. She became beautiful, and I was just a skinny little nerd with outsized ears. Her Daddy got elected to an important post in State government, and my drunken stepfather kept our family in turmoil. She went to Country Club dances with the Big Men on Campus whose letter sweaters had run out of room for more honorific patches. I secretly slipped out at night to ride darkened streets taking out my frustrations with other "outsiders" by shooting out street lights and drinking. She was elected to the Honor Society, and my destructive flair prevented my abilities from being recognized. I worshiped her, and it seemed she never even knew I was alive.

    Life became so difficult that a friend and I ran away and joined the military just to get away and into the Great World. She still haunted my dreams, and every time I met some girl, it was Helen that she was compared to. The more a girl seemed to like me, the less appealing she was. I traveled the world and knew many women, but always in my mind there was Helen.

    I left the military and continued traveling. I was always searching for meaning, a good paying and satisfying job, and most of all a young woman in whose love my life would be complete. I drifted from one low-end job to another, from one girl to another and always ended up on the road going somewhere else that was ultimately just like the place I had just left.

    Passing through the old home town, I encountered Helen on the street. I told her of how I had loved but, been to shy to approach her all the years we had shared in school. She smiled and said that she wished that I had said something at the time. Now, she was getting married and moving to Texas. I went back to what seemed like an endless search, and I was still carrying Helen around in my mind.

    I earned a wall filled with degrees, and experienced more than most folks of my generation. I've mingled with the wealthy and powerful, and sat on curbstones drinking from a paper bag with Phd bums. I found meaning and direction in Buddhism, and was part of the transition from Beat to Hippy. I married and had two fine sons. I worked at jobs that were both personally satisfying and that contributed to social betterment. Always, even at inappropriate and intimate moments with my loving wife, there was Helen lurking in the back of my mind. Think of that, a man in his 50s envied by many who still carried around a love that never got beyond the bud.

    I had ways of finding out, and learned that Helen's marriage was at best a strange one. She had no children, but was a very successful business woman. She appeared to be content and satisfied with her life, and sometime in my fifties I realized that I was also pretty contented and satisfied with how my life had run. What would happen or be gained by our reunion? Life and love aren't the raw emotions of youth whose visions are yet uncolored by experience. Love is the product of shared experiences. It is struggling to adjust to living with another person for a lengthy period of time. It is anger, frustration and fighting over trivialities, as well as sharing those moments of tenderness and appreciation of a passing moment. Love is comforting and being comforted in times of trial. It is striving forward toward a goal as a team, even when there are doubts about the value of the effort. It is working together to achieve more than either could accomplish alone. Love isn't what we thought it was.

    Arranged marriages seem terrible to an enlightened era, but they more often than not worked out with the couple becoming inseparable in love. Marriages grow, sometimes with difficulty, into real love that is lasting. I no longer dream of Helen. I've outgrown her, and the painful emotions of youthful "love". It took a long time to let her go, and I don't know that she ever carried "me" around for more than a day in sixty or more years.

    You may not find closure for decades to come, perhaps never. You won't believe it, but this love of yours is secondary to the life you lead now and will lead in the future. Here is an old man's advice: Get a good education, find a career that satisfies your passions, meet the world head-on and focus your attention on whatever it is that you are doing. You will meet many interesting people, and all of them are on the same quest that you are even if they don't know it. Some of those people will become friends and allies that you can depend upon for support. A somewhat smaller number will be sexually attractive to you, but for one reason or another be impossible to live with for longer than a few years. A handful of people will be both sexually attractive and comfortable to be with alone for protracted periods. Marry one of those, but don't expect that life will be anything but difficult. There will be times when you want to just pickup and go back on the road, and your partner will be similarly tested. If you can weather those tempests and there is some common bound... like children and family... you have a good shot at growing old together in some comfort.
     
  11. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I say talk to her. I don't see anything wrong with that. It might be that this is a better time/place for you guys to be together, but it may not. The point is you'll never know until you try.
    Other than that though I think the only reason in mind to go see her is to get the closure you need. If you don't get that closure you'll go crazy. Just don't go see her/talk to her with intention of getting back with her. You may find that she's looking for closure as well rather than anything more.
     
  12. maskednegator

    maskednegator Kosmonaut, best we've got...

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    wow...did you write this?
     
  13. Asherman

    Asherman New Member

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    Certainly, I wrote it this morning while getting my day in order. Actually, Helen and I began riding into town with other ranch kids back in the 1940's, but I was a bit older before I realized how perfect she was. Far more importantly, I lived it and am living still.

    In youth, everything is felt so intensely, and our limited experience of time makes hours appear endless. Everything is forever, and our emotions are so strongly felt that they must be of cosmic proportions. Our elders are hardly more than historical footnotes and incapable of understanding our feelings. Could they have felt this way, and still fallen into deadly routines and values whose time ended thousands upon thousands of years ago? Our generation see things more clearly, and we will not rest nor compromise Truth and Beauty. Young people have been thinking that way since we were all tribal hunter-gatherers. People don't change much, even when the technology is revolutionary. We still go through phases of maturation right up until the moment someone pulls a sheet over our staring eyes.
     
  14. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    I really enjoyed reading that. It seems to agree with my own observation that love is knowing your life is better because the other person is part of it, and wanting to return the favor to them, though your version is more detailed.

    Now if only I can get past the phase I'm in where the women I'm attracted to aren't at all interested in me, and vice versa. Maybe that's part of being a yuppie, I dunno.
     
  15. mg

    mg OT Supporter

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