Should I risk leaving the friend zone? (I'm not a "nice guy" either)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by zemlya, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    God.

    I'm completely aware of the rule regarding this - never fall for a girl who is your friend, and, even worse, never act on your feelings.

    I can't help but feel, however, that this one is different (maybe I'm just saying that). We've known eachother for three years, but our friendship has always been difficult to define. I felt like there was a spark at the onset, and I heard on the grapevine that she fancied me but she didn't want to pursue it because she was in another relationship. At the time, I took this in my stride and convinced myself I would stop fancying her. After a while I kind of did and we remained friends.

    Fast-forward to later on ... she's single, but because our friendship seems deadset, I do not assume that I can automatically try it on with her, and I don't. But with her new-found single status and her flirty behaviour towards me, my attraction to her increases.

    Now we are in the present. She is visiting me for the weekend and she is leaving soon. The weekend has been incredible. Nothing has happend, but we've had so much fun. We got drunk, we flirted, but I was too scared to go for more.I'm afraid I'm getting that unpleasant feeling in my stomoch at the thought of her going home. I sound like such a ponce, but god, I will miss her so much.

    What we have now is amazing but I will be devasted at the thought of her getting into a relationship with someone else. I'm starting to think that just before she leaves I should randomly tell her with a wry smile that I think I actually fancy you, and laugh like it's not a big deal ... I dunno. I realise all the risks involved, but fuck, I will be so so gutted that I never at least tried.

    What do you guys think?
     
  2. Ford4Life

    Ford4Life Guest

    I think you are being a pussy. You had the perfect chance to make a move on her and you didn't. Either grow some nuts and make your move, or let her go.
     
  3. Exit

    Exit Guest

    You won't miss her once you realize you are not getting anything out of it besides being the pawn used to satisfy her emotional and backup needs.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    A lot of girls will hook up with their friends, so this rule isn't serving you.

    The REAL rule is: don't be a doormat, don't think you can win her by doing nice things, don't be afraid to disagree with her, and always make your intentions known upfront.

    If she is still there, I think you should go for it....tonight. Tell her how you feel and see if she feels the same way. And if she does and you have the right moment? Kiss her.
     
  5. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    Just get it over with and tell her you like her. It's probably pointless though since it doesn't seem like you two live near each other.
     
  6. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    Yep, I know that. I massively regret it. No excuses really.

    Sounds biiter. I'm not some nice guy she only leans on when she's down. It's difficult to say, we have a mutual warmth, I guess.
     
  7. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    Act on it NOW !!!!!!!!

    and don't go into that crap of telling her but following it with a laugh......PUSSIES do that ! Are you a pussy or a man? BE A MAN !!!!!!!!

    if you want her, GO FOR IT !!!! Don't hold back and wait and wait and wait and then get all pissed off later on for not acting once you see her with some other dude and then ONLY at that point decide to just end your friendship because you want out of your own self-created misery.

    JUST DO IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!! The more you think, the more you lose.
     
  8. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    Thanks for the help, guys. It's late now so I'll tell her in the morning. It's weird to think that this time tomorrow I will either be overjoyed or mind-numbingly depressed. About telling her, I understand that laughing afterwards might come across as nervous but I would rather not announce it in some dramatic sit-down exchange. Surely it's better if I just kind of spit it out in a somewhat conversational manner?
     
  9. Cobra Commander

    Cobra Commander OT Supporter

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    Update please
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You are just wasting time in your life by waiting and waiting and being afraid to live and possibly experience pain.

    You are in pain now by not just making a move on her, so why not at least release a lot of that stress by trying to finally get somewhere with this girl? She likes you. If you started your friendship with her interested in you, trust me, she's still into you; she's most likely waiting for you to make a move.
     
  11. freckleface

    freckleface expose the raw nerve and get on with our lives...

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    Go for it! If you do not you could be missing out on a great love :)
     
  12. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    hell yes you should risk it. you never know until you put it out there. worst case? she doesnt like you back and you guys dont date, but at least you tried

    my husband and i were friends for 2 years before we started dating. it can happen
     
  13. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    Ha, well. Thanks again for the help guys.

    I gave her a lift to the station, but we were in a massive rush. And yes, I'm a big pussy again because I didn't tell her! I kept on thinking to myself, it's too busy blah blah blah. And then she was gone ...

    I'm determined now to still contact her to tell her how I feel. Enough bull shit. I could've done it face to face, I realise that, but my current anxiety over being a massive pussy has forced me to so something. I know texting or facebooking her this is a big no-no as it makes me seem like I'm too cowardly to say it to her face. I really really want to call her right now, though. First I want to ask you guys if that's acceptable? I mean, I could tell her that "when you left I realised how much I missed you ... and well, I think I'm falling for you again ..."

    What do you think? I don't need to be told I'm a pussy because I know I am. I really want to do this.
     
  14. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    how far apart are you guys?
     
  15. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    About an hour and a half on the train, but the fare is unusually cheap. The distance doesn't seem to be a barrier for me at the moment. Surely there's no harm in seeing how it turns out if (I hope to god) I am successful.
     
  16. ROFL

    ROFL New Member

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    I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago, I finally grew some balls and told her how I felt. I got friendzoned and felt a bit shit but it's better than not knowing and living a life full of regrets.
     
  17. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    What is it with confessing your feelings to a girl. What the fuck, seriously. If you have testicles dangling between your legs then you never ever confess/admit/talk about/bring up in general/write your feelings for a girl that you are not currently dating.

    YOU ACT. You make a move and see where it goes.
     
  18. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    I do see your point. But I've kind of dug myself into a hole by having her leave. It's not like I can act now. The best I can do is call her.

    Fuck it, I'll do it now.

    Wish me luck.
     
  19. GTP

    GTP New Member

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    DONT CALL HER UGH Hahahha :rofl:
     
  20. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    :uh:

    Should just arrange to hang out in the near future again, then ACT.
     
  21. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    Hey guys, just a small update ...

    I called her and told her how I felt. She laughed and said she was embarrassed and I initially thought it wasn't going to end well. Then she said "we're going to see eachother again soon anyway". When I asked what she was thinking, she said she didn't know.

    I must say that she seemed genuinely surprised, but the tone of the conversation never got awkward when I confessed as we were laughing and joking throughout. I dunno, I'm in two minds now. I kind of think it's good that she said that we'll be seeing eachother soon because surely if she knew she wasn't interested then she would have said it there and then. Also it would probably be weird for her to announce it on the phone is she felt the same. I'm a bit optimistic, to be honest, but I will try not and get my hopes up.

    Let me know your thoughts.
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why wouldn't you wait to tell her this in person?
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Kudos for having the balls to tell her how you felt.

    Sounds like it could go either way really.
     
  24. zemlya

    zemlya New Member

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    Well be "soon" she meant a month and I really couldn't wait that long. I felt terrible after she left.
     
  25. Mugen92GS-R

    Mugen92GS-R New Member

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    Yet another thread where NONE of the advice is taken by the TS.
     

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