Should I just ask her?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Splak, Oct 4, 2005.

  1. Splak

    Splak New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2002
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisville
    When I first started going out with my GF I had a hard time getting her to open up. She's very quiet and normally I have to do the talking to get to her to start a deep conversation. She is not shy, just quiet.. she has no problem opening up once she starts.

    However, when we talk on the phone, email or anytime we're not face to face I feel like I'm talking to a friend. The conversations are very linear. I am very affectionate or atleast have been with past girlfriends, it's hard to with be with her when she doesn't act the same way. She has never called me anything but my name, no, for example, babe, baby, etc, you get the idea. Never has she said, I miss you, I wish you were here, etc. When we are together she's very physical and is affectionate, so it makes up for it. We have sex and she sometimes initiates it. No problem sexually.

    It's just lately I feel like I've been needing a little more reassurance. I sound like a girl, it's pathetic. I want to ask her what the relationship means to her, but I'm not sure how she'll take it. We have had no problems so far in the relationship and I know she's commited, I'd just like to hear it from her own mouth..

    Should I just forget about it and deal with my insecurities of not getting enough non-physical attention?
     
  2. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2004
    Messages:
    4,608
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Melbourne
    Some people would rather act than talk, maybe her way of telling you she is really committed is by being affectionate rather than saying it?

    Though if she doesn't talk much, there is probably communication issues there which, unless fixed, will end up being a big problem most likely.
     
  3. Splak

    Splak New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2002
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisville
    We have no problem talking. We are very open and talk about everything.. EXCEPT it's only when I initate it. Many times when we are on the phone have to keep conversations going, she just doesn't have much to say. However, when we are togther in person she will talk and keep a conversation with no problem!

    I just feel weird asking for more affection or if she has a problem showing affection in other ways then being physical.
     
  4. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    Dude honestly, just talk to her. If she's not willing to work on improving her end of things, it's better that you know now, instead of down the road.

    You say "We are very open and talk about everything.. EXCEPT it's only when I initiate it." -- that to me says that you're being honest with her, but she's not necessarilly being honest with YOU. If she's not willing to open up WITHOUT being prompted by you, there are probably lots of things that you don't know about, and won't know about. That's not fair to you; if something noteworthy happens to/with her, you need to be able to rest assured that she'll tell you about it. It doesn't sound like that's what is happening here.

    Like I said, if she can't improve how she's handling things, you deserve to know now so you can break it off and move on before it's too late.
     
  5. Splak

    Splak New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2002
    Messages:
    207
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Louisville

    That makes sense, I guess thats where most of my insecuries are coming from.. the constant wondering whats going on in her head and not really knowing unless I ask is starting to get to me.
     
  6. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    34,837
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Deutschland
    i didn't even read your post. not one word of it. nor any of the replies.


    my answer is "stop being a pussy and just do it". i'm gonna go read ur post now and see if i was right.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Messages:
    18,783
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Lansing, MI USA
    And that is EXACTLY what she needs to hear from you. If you don't say something, you're breaking your own integrity about communicating openly in your relationship. If you let it eat at you, it will show through in other things and ultimately drift the two of you apart.

    I always say, look out for #1. If you aren't happy, you should either do what it takes to fix it, or just get out of the situation. You'll only grow cold and bitter, and it will make a clean break nearly impossible.
     

Share This Page