SRS should I cut ties with an old high school friend?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Eko, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. Eko

    Eko New Member

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    Basically back in high school we were good friends until he dropped out and got his GED to get married to a crazy bitch with 3 kids. We still kept in touch and once he got a divorce from the bitch and lived with a few different people until he moved back with his parents we started hanging out more often.(My college was near so I stayed in the area) Well over the past few years he has just appeared to crash. He has not had a job in over 2 years, threatens to kill himself/act crazy to get disability, has another gf/fiance with a kid(not his) she lives at his parents house with him and her kid lives with her parents, and just overall just is a huge disappointment. He is much better than this. He always claims he is going to do this or that, go to college, get a job, but its just nothing but talk. He is only 22 and he is single handedly sabotaged his life. I imagine he just doesn't have many friends anymore because he rarely if ever introduces me to anyone and tends to call all the damn time. I understand being there for a friend when he is down but this is just getting sad. He will pawn off his shit off at pawnshops then buy it back whenever he gets his check.(the other day he was about to lose some shit and needed $400 and then the next week he shows up with a ring that he was going to give his gf:ugh2:) I've tried talking to him about this shit but I always get the same shit "its hard", "i'm trying" but is just too fucking lazy to get anything done.

    At this point and time I'm just sick of it all. I have a different life and a different direction. When we hang out and just see him continuing to let himself go and brings up the handouts he gets from the government it just makes me sick to my stomach. Just not the type of caliber of person I will normally associate myself with. Is it wrong for me to want to cut ties with him?

    Its like what you always hear "you can judge a person by the company they keep". For me to stand back and look. I just ask myself why? All the hard working people out there and I are the ones who pay for him to sit on his ass and buy WII's, beer and other useless shit.
     
  2. Jas0n

    Jas0n Антихрист

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    You wouldn't be doing anything wrong if you cut your ties with him. Sounds like you should, if you're bothered by him and the decisions he's made.
     
  3. Pwen

    Pwen Guest

    If he gets in the way of your goals you should cut him off but if you don't like the way he lives then you should prob cut him off.
     
  4. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It sounds like a really tough position to be in as a "friend." I'm not sure what you should do. Put yourself in his shoes. Does anything new come to light? If you cut ties, do you imagine yourself feeling satisfied down the line as a result, or feeling the opposite as a result of your choice?

    I guess that's really what you need to ask yourself.
     
  5. Pudge

    Pudge New Member

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    All you can do is talk to him about it and explain you reasoning. He needs to understand what he is doing to himself and to you as his friend. He needs to sit down and think "is that really how he wants to spend the rest of his life.
     
  6. Franco

    Franco New Member

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    Cut him off. You'd be better off, so would he, as he would hang more with his own people and not as now compare himself to yourself only finding his failed and you're a success, thus getting only jelously down that line...
     
  7. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    If he's bringing you down and causing unnecessary stress to you, you should call it off. It sounds like you're not really getting anything out of this relationship other than disappointment and anger.
     
  8. quzer

    quzer New Member

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    I was in a somewhat similar situation recently, though not nearly as bad. All I can say is that you're his friend, not his parent, it isn't you job to take care of him since he's already a grown up adult. I don't know if I sound like an asshole here, but I believe the purpose of friendship is for you to be able to get positive things out of each other, however, it seems that you cannot help him out and he definitely doesn't help you out with anything (he's more of a problem for you). It's nice to help others, but you can't make their problems yours. In my opinion the only people that can help him are god and his family.

    For me, shit hit the fan when at one of my family events, my friend got drunk and started getting aggressive. He ended up in jail for 2 days and when I talked to him again I told him I wouldn't hang out with him anymore. On the bright side, I think that's when he realized he had hit rock bottom and he had to do something to fix his life, and as far as I know, he's in that process.
     
  9. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    You need to be brutally honest and try to slap some sense into him, if that doesn't work just let him be and cut ties.
     
  10. Eko

    Eko New Member

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    Thats it right there. If we hang out 1. I have to pay for it or 2. we sit around his house(or mine).

    We can't watch anything that may be considered "crude" because his gf goes crazy and gets pissed off.(crude to her is like harold and kumar. she got pissed off one day because we were watching austin powers:ugh2:)

    He doesn't really enjoy my world. I'll travel around the state with my other friends and go hiking or riding in the woods. Next thing you know he is wanting to go home. He no longer likes to be awake past 8pm(apparently you need a lot of rest when you don't have jack shit to do the next day). He is just a completely different person. Doesn't work or anything just sits around his parents house and expects for others to cater to him.

    He got pissed at me last weekend because within 1 hour he called 7-8 times wanting to hang out(first time I had heard from him all week) and was pissed because I was out of town. He told me I needed to "pencil him into my schedule" so I just told him that you can't expect to call someone 10 min before wanting to do something and always expect they are free. As you said I just don't get anything out of our relationship anymore. Why should I go out and buy a case of beer, movies, pay for something hang out with him and wonder when he leaves or when I get back "why did I just blow that cash?" When all along I could have done something else that night and had a better time. Its just sad I am slowly getting to the point where I hate getting his calls. We are growing apart. He called me drunk a few months back almost crying because I told him I was in the process of preparing to move(told him that a few weeks before the call). He is calling drunk talking about how he doesn't want me to move blah blah blah.

    Don't want to work
    grab my check from uncle sam
    sit on my ass
    propose to gf who lives with me at my parents house while I won't even get a job.
    :dunno:

    I have talked to his parents, him and his gf. The only stories that line up are his parents and his gf. To him he is trying but is so hard to get a job(I tried helping him get a job and found several decent full time jobs for him but he refused because he "couldn't work a full time job"??? so I asked him parents and his gf about hit and he doesn't want a full time and was kind a pissed because i had a good one for him that really would have been easy with good pay)

    he is ok with sitting around he doesn't have much drive about anything. Normally I don't want to sit around drinking beer watching TV. I really don't get any excitement out of being around him anymore. Its just go hang out and be bored watch south park or go out and have fun.

    :dunno:
     

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