SRS Should I be bothered that my GF used to do coke?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by M.A. Malone Esq., Dec 30, 2009.

  1. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    -She hasn't done it in more than 5+ years.
    -Says she has had it basically thrown in her face and she still won't do it.
    -very against any drugs, even told me this before we went out (or was even interested in me)
    -Always refers to that time when she was young and dumb
    -She says she stills talks to (but doesn't live anywhere near) some of her friends that did it. None of the people that used to sell it. But I don't know if they still do it.

    I mean, its a long time ago. But I don't think I know her well enough to determine if I trust her to not do it again.

    I really like her, but this is really bothering me. :sad2:
     
  2. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    if it's been 5 years you gotta forget about it. keep an eye on her, but everyone's made mistakes. everyone has dirt. have you done anything in your past that you're ashamed about? i bet you have.
     
  3. mondaynightmike

    mondaynightmike New Member

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    no, nothing to worry about
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Two main issues:

    First, how did she stop? Was she addicted or not? If so, did she seek treatment?

    Second, are you concerned about relapse and/or her health, or are you uncomfortable with using, even if in the past?
     
  5. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    My g/f's life before me was just that...before me. It's the reason I never asked some questions. I did shit a long time ago that I'm sure would piss her off if I did it today, but I'm not going to. There's bound to be shit she did a long time ago that she has no plans to do today. I care about what happens from now forward, so if I find out something she did years ago, I have to realize that was before me and find a way to let it go.
     
  6. pbcustom98

    pbcustom98 New Member

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    if things are going well, why do you care what happened before you?

    if its effecting her NOW, then start worrying. if nothing is wrong, then dont fuck with it.
     
  7. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    Of course she was addicted, but no treatment.

    I'm not sure what I'm concerned with. Yeah, of course I am concerned with a relapse, but do I believe she won't do it again? I don't know. But the fact that she did it makes me uncomfortable too.

    Yeah, I have skeletons as well. Some might say its worse than the coke.

    Another fact is that I've been burned before with another GF and weed. So I suppose there are some trust issues there.
     
  8. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    That's why I never ask questions. I never ask how many people a girl has been with. This girl mentioned her past when she was young and dumb, and I never questioned it. She basically just told me one day.

    This is a stupid reason, but I also think it bothers me because I've never had any crazy vices like that before.
     
  9. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    uhhh what? dude you just said you used to do a drug that some people would argue to be more harmful than cocaine. are you just justifying it because you feel she used more often?
     
  10. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    I never said I did a drug that was harder than cocaine.

    EDIT- And if I did, wouldn't 3 years of coke be worse than a couple times of heroin?
     
  11. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    well, yeah. but i mean should you really be yapping at her when you know you've done shit in the past that you'd rather her not know. when your closets clean, clean hers.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    :wtf:

    This is the most ridiculous logic I've read in a long time.

    Look plenty of people get hooked on all sorts of shit and make bad decisions. This happens all the time for a variety of reasons. Guess what, life is difficult and some people deal with some truly awful shit in their lives and sometimes they make mistakes in how they deal with that stuff.

    Very often it takes a long time to slay those demons that used to trouble us so much in the past. The length of time she used is irrelevant. She used on a regular and/or semi regular basis. Comparing her use to anyone elses use is irrelevant. The import thing is she's put it in the past. She made a decision that it's not something she wants to continue doing and has made choices to move away from her past drug use and the people involved in it. In other words, she's grown out of it.

    What you're ignoring is the more important issue at hand here. She opened up to you because she's trying to deepen her connection with you and wants to be more honest with you. That is a very good thing....it's not a bad thing and it's certainly not a reason to run away. Unless you're a chicken shit and can't deal with reality.

    IMO you're judging her past drug use so harshly because you simply want either out of the relationship or space. You're using her past drug use to justify your selfish desires.
     
  14. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    Definitely not ignored. I've expressed this very thing to her.

    I suppose a small possibility. This is a girl I had a crush on like I've never had before. She was ideal to me. But once we starting dating, the mystique kind of disappeared, and I'm not sure why.
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I use this policy 'everyone deserves at least 1 chance in life' , if they blow it you can make your conclusions and move on, i use the 'innocent until proven guilty' quite a bit, but i can understand your concerns,

    I don't like the 'condemn forever for one mistake' policy , people fuck up all the time, that doesn't mean you automatically disregard them from life, you have to set boundries, ok, and drugs is a big boundry, but 5 years stopping from cocaine is absolutely amazing, so instead of thinking in terms of punishment, you could also say to yourself 'she is an amazing person because she managed to stop using coke for 5 years, you know that's another light you can see this person in, nobody is perfect it makes us human beings, however if the problems are structural or lead to too much damage then it can become a different issue, i hope you give her a chance at least.
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Most likely because you're confronted with the fact that fantasies and realities rarely, if ever, match. More and more you're seeing her as less than perfect and/or ideal and you're now seeing her as the flawed, troubled, struggling human being that we all are. Don't put that pussy on a pedestal dude.....of if you did in the beginning, realize that's not healthy and take her down.

    She's human with flaws and she can be hurt. However, your love and support can help her make more positive choices in the future. You can help her stay away from drugs and alcohol by providing positive alternatives.

    What's she's done in the past might be worrisome but realize that she's not in that place anymore. She's moved on with her life and wants a better one. That's progress.

    I've often said and I truly believe this that it's not where we currently are that matters in life....it's where we're headed.
     
  17. M.A. Malone Esq.

    M.A. Malone Esq. OT Supporter

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    Thanks, this post helped.

    I really needed to make this thread, because I needed to know what 'normal' people thought. I have a terrible mindset where I think of everything in black and what, right or wrong, plus or minus. Something I should definitely seek therapy for, but my stubbornness prevents me from doing it :)o) So it was reassuring that there was not ONE person in here that would condemn her for her past. Still alot to think about, but definitely helpful.

    Please keep the posts coming, more advice is always welcome.
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You're welcome, I'm glad it helped.

    I too tend to think in black and white. I did this so much when I was younger that I had a hard time, and still do from time to time, seeing things as shades of gray. It takes practice and just like your g/f had to learn how to live life without drugs, you have to learn how to live life in a gray world. I have found it's difficult but well worth the effort required.
     
  19. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    She should be bothered that you can't get over something that happened 5 years ago. People make mistakes and learn from them. Judge her by her current actions.
     

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