SRS Should he give up?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by stormywaters, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

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    I have a friend who is having relationship problems and I want some other input into the situation.
    To make the story a bit easier to read let A= my friend B= the girlfriend C= the old boyfriend

    Basically A has been with B for 6 months and the relationship is long distance. A travels to see B at least once a month (B will never travel to see him even though she is perfectly capable. She is just unwilling to give up her time) They talk on the phone every day.
    B lost C to a bike crash 7 months ago. They were days away from being engaged.
    Now, tonight B tells A how she still loves and misses C. B is comparing A to C and A feels like if C was still around that B would pick him over A.

    A is wondering if he should give B space to sort out her feelings (even though he promised to always be there for her) or if he should just stick it out. (B is unaware that A feels this way)



    My own input to A has been that B has not gotten over the sudden loss of C. A and B got together only 1 month after C's death. That seems really soon to me. A says he really loves B and doesn't want to give up.

    If any of this need clarifying let me know!
     
  2. althepirate

    althepirate Talk nerdy to me.

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    He needs to give her space. A month to get over the death of an SO is not NEARLY long enough.

    He needs to talk to her and let her know how he feels.
     
  3. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    I dont think that "B" is over "C." Dating someone 7 months after such a tragic event to me is not nearly enough time, especially if they were to get engaged.

    In my mind, losing your SO that way would be emotionaly traumatic to me, and I wouldnt want to even consider trying to move on for a very long time.
    Thats just horrible.

    Just like althepirate said, he needs to give her space. Its obvious that she is still recovering from her loss.
     
  4. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    B isn't over C. She most likely clung on to A to help cope with her loss of C.

    Have A respectfully sit her down and get it across to her that she needs to forgive herself if needed (she may blame C's death on herself in some way shape or form), heal, and come to acceptance of what happened to C.

    After that, if she feels she is ready to be with someone and she wants to be with A, have her make it known. In the mean time I would tell A to do his own thing, support her as much as he can without causing him to go through depressive spells and the like, and know that things very well might not work out just because of the personal trauma she went through. A should start the process of letting her go while she works things out on her own, and if she contacts him again, he can then decide to try again with her.
     
  5. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    i wouldn't say he needs to give up on her, but he certainly needs to cut her loose for both their sakes. one month after losing someone she cared about so deeply (about to be engaged) and so suddenly is not the right time to start a new relationship and it be healthy. i mean, it might be possible, but this case does not seem to be it.

    it's not about giving her space because his feelings will still be attached to her and she might feel some obligation to him. he needs to just end it and move on. if later on when she has everything sorted out and is ready and wants to be with him, they can give it another go.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I would go for option D, which is a counceller/theraphist to which she could talk to. Having nowhere to go with your emotional feelings is horrible, she needs a let out, and its too much pressure for her current boyfriend because he's constantly being compared with C. I also don't think he needs to give her up, she just needs the right friends, and family support along with group councelling, would be very good for her to blow off some steam.
     

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