SRS She's gone, now I wait, thread. v. input/experiences

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Redneck Shinobi, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    I've posted on here many time's about my relationship, when I fucked up or things looked weird. My life would be completely different today if I followed your guy's advice. Maybe, I'd be happy, maybe not, anyway despite all that I've stuck with her. Now I come to you again for your input/experiences simular to mine and tell me how they were.

    My G/F has finally left for 3 months to the Philippines. She's been gone for a week now, today. We've been dating for over a year now. I care deeply for her, and it was painful to have her leave my arms. It's like a part of me leaving myself to return someday. I don't feel so inclined to get out or do much anymore, and it's only been a friggin' week! I figure the beginning is going to be the hardest part. To not hold her hand, to not see her face, to not see her look at me and smile again. It's weird to know someone isn't physically there anymore. How have other people dealt with this?

    My friend from back home had his gf leave for Korea for almost a year, and they broke up on the third month she'd been gone, because she fell in love with some Korean guy. Not that my gf is going to cheat anyway, just I couldn't believe when it happened to him. I was on MSN suicide watch for 3 days listening to his ideas of killing himself and I talked him through it. It went on for months afterwards. He didn't even call her in those 3 months and once I found that out I didn't have to figure out her reasoning very long.
     
  2. just relax about it, life will go on no matter what happens afterwards so you have to accept life as it is no matter what. i know you're not going to appreciate this but 1 year is nothing. most likely she;ll come back and you guys will start dating again like nothing happened, but if you obsess over her while she's gone she's going to sense that and get pushed away.
     
  3. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    :) Thanks, I know that. It's most likely the case, it's just hard. I don't feel so bad after I learned my co-workers gf is gone for 11 months... ouch.
     
  4. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Wow, so I broke down yesterday for like the first time in a loonngg time. I haven't cried so badly since my dad died... It's almost as if she is my anti depressant and without here I can't find happiness. I realized that I've been out here for over a year now and I haven't been depressed once at all. It's not that I'm depressed now, it's just the feeling of loneliness is killing me. I know I should be out with friends, but for some reason I don't have any motivation to go out with them. I think I need at least a week or two to just clear my head. I'm an outgoing person and make a lot of friends easily, but when I'm down I really like to be by myself. I think this weekend I'm just going to go out and do things, things that remind me of her and things that won't. Just waste my time doing random stuff I think might help.

    This is just a rant, but the little contact is whats killing me I think. We went from talking to each other everyday, to seeing her everyday 2 weeks before she left, to maybe an e-mail every 2 days if I'm lucky, and the occasional 3 minute phone call. I messaged her last night asking if we could have set times to talk during the week. I didn't think I'd be so lost without her, but I guess I was wrong.
     
  5. ///M Pilot

    ///M Pilot New Member

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    Go out with your friends. Don't keep yourself holed up inside.

    At least you HAVE friends in the area...I didn't. My girl left for officer training .. and it was only 5 weeks. She'd been by my side for the last 3 years non-stop.. and it was very fucking crazy, to say the least, to have everything gone all of a sudden. I didn't handle it the best, that's for damn sure.

    But when it was all said and done, it forced me to evaluate a lot of things about myself, and I'm glad it happened. You'll both be stronger as a result if you hang in there, and are strong for one another.
     
  6. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    It was 3 months, but the separation effected me just as badly.

    You need to remember who you are, independently, and force yourself to think that way while she's gone. You're not forgetting her, you're just concentrating on things that are more deserving of your attention at the moment.

    Remember your hobbies, the things you can do by yourself or with friends that you enjoy.

    Try it out.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    The problem is that you've put the power of your life in a place where it doesn't belong, namely in someone elses hands, if you do that you've become an emotional soccerball for others to play with, in which you allow yourself to be kicked, played with and left behind to rot at the mercy of their doings, which results in a lot of emotional hurt if it goes wrong. You need to bring back the power of your life where it belongs, namely back in your hands. Show you have a life of your own to live, independently from others.
     
  8. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Wow time flies. I guess a lot has happened since the first week(s) since she's left.

    She is coming back a month early, mainly due to family issues, well I hope at least. I'm sure it's a bunch of things. In the past several weeks, I've gotten a lot of me time. I've gone out with friends, gone places we'd probably have gone. Spent time with her sister for a week (not a long story, or bad, just did it as a favour). Went to the Island with her boyfriend and her. What I've discovered is that. I fell more in love with her since she's gone. Not that you can fall more in love with someone, but I see more why I love her than I did before. It's like stepping outside of yourself and being blinded by love and really seeing what you have. I'm glad we got this time apart, because I got to understand a life without her, and how much I don't want that. lol
     
  9. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    Wow, I'm happy you have adjusted :). Keep it up!
     
  10. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    Thanks, your words were really motivational for me, I forgot to reply to you. I kinda didn't want to think about it and ran LOL.


    I found out today I owe her mom like over 400 bucks for a Anni/Birthday/Christmas gift she got in China for herself. Guess she spent a bit more than she though. I find it really funny, although it means overtime at work for me LOL...
     
  11. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    This forum has been a tremendous help for me and will continue to help in the future...I want to do my best to share what I've experienced with others in hopes that it will be helpful. So I'm tryin'!
     
  12. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    If that is true then your problem isn't that she left, your problem is with yourself. You can never find true happiness by clinging to another person. Plus, it's not fair for that person to have that responsibility placed upon their shoulders. I've never seen a "Happily Ever After" relationship come from a situation like this.

    A partner is supposed to be someone whom goes with you on your life's journey, they aren't supposed to be your life's journey. They are supposed to further enrich your life, not be the only thing that enriches it.

    IMO I think you should talk to a councilor or a therapist. Maybe they can help you get to the root of the problem, find out why you are so unhappy with yourself and how best to get onto the road of recovery.
     
  13. Redneck Shinobi

    Redneck Shinobi Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that

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    I don't think you read my update... BTW those feelings I posted before were raw emotion. I lost someone close to me and separation is a shitty thing. I respect what you have to say, but they are assumptions. I can live my life independently as should everyone else.
     

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