SRS She's 'confused' about her feelings for me...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Salohcin, Sep 1, 2005.

  1. Salohcin

    Salohcin New Member

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    My problem is vaguely similar to the one in the 'OT, help me save my relationship' thread (which can be found at: http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=1991046) but it's not the exact same problem and, although I have taken all the replies in that thread into consideration, I may need some different advice for this one.

    Basically, my girlfriend is now 'confused' about her feelings for me. We were pretty much in love. We both have said that we love each other and we couldn't get enough of each other. We both had a really special thing going on and we've both said that we've never felt this way with anyone else before.

    On the 25th of July, I went away for a vacation in China for nearly one month. I already hadn't seen her for one week prior to this. She said she would really miss me a lot when I'm away (and I said the same to her, of course). I really did miss her, but at the time, I thought we would manage it ok, as we've been apart for pretty lengthy periods before, although never quite as long as a month.

    When I came back, we couldn't see each other for another week because she was busy and had things to do (which had been arranged before I came back).

    The week after that (last week), she went away on vacation for a week with her parents to the Lake District (a region of the country that's full of lakes [I live in the UK]).

    And to make things a bit more difficult, she couldn't see me until yesterday. In total, that means nearly seven weeks we haven't seen each other - nearly two months.

    The day before yesterday, she sent me a text message to ask if I thought we weren't as close anymore. I replied yes and explained that it was because we had been apart for so long - and it would affect any couple. She replied to say that she felt we weren't as close anymore and we agreed we would talk about it when I went to her place to see her yesterday. I could only sleep a total of three hours that night, as I was so worried.

    When I saw her yesterday, we talked about everything and to make a very long story short, she's confused about her feelings for me. She said that she doesn't know if she loves me and she doesn't know whether we would be better as friends than boyfriend and girlfriend.

    She also said that she will be really busy between now and November (as she's in Scouts and involved with a theatre group and another scheme and she will have quite a lot of work to do in the next two years). The reason she will be particularly busy from now until November is because she will be involved in a theatre show or something.

    I told her that I would be happy to wait and be patient and give her the space to be busy and do her work (after all, having around two months apart and only being able to see each other maybe once or twice a week and living in the same city is much better than being apart for around two months, being halfway around the world away from each other. It's definitely not anywhere near good but it's better than when I went to China). The work I will be doing (starting next week) leaves me a LOT of free time, i.e. I have two days off and two half-days off per week. She doesn't seem convinced.

    Throughout this, we hugged each other quite a lot and held hands a few times. We also kissed each other on the cheek a few times.

    A bit later on in the day, she told me that I would meet a lot of other people in the future and I might like them more than I like her. I told her that I wouldn't (which is the whole truth, as I seriously can't imagine myself with anyone else, or wanting anyone else). She kept insisting that I would. She suggested that we separate for a while. She also said some other things and I got the general idea that she might be, in a way, hoping that I might meet someone else in this work I'm doing and I'll like them more than I like her and it'll be easier for us to split up.

    She repeated, throughout the day, that she doesn't want to hurt me. I can't help thinking negative and thinking that this means she will want to split up in the end.

    In the end (when we were out walking), we agreed to have a 'break' for a while. In this break, we were to just treat each other as friends, i.e. we don't say "I love you" or put crosses at the end of our texts or call each other "sexy" or "babe" or things like that. I agreed. However, I didn't really feel good when she said that it might help us see if we would be better as friends than as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

    Exactly thirty seconds after we agreed to have a 'break', we were kissing a LOT - tongue kissing for the first time since before China. After that, she said that she feels even more confused because we kissed when we were supposed to be on our 'break'.

    Later on, when we were back in her place and watching TV, she came over to the couch I was sitting on and sat on the arm of it, facing me. She lost her balance slightly and I started teasing her about it (we teased each other a lot before China and everything) and she started laughing. Suddenly, we were tongue-kissing - and with even more passion and intensity than when we last kissed (just after we agreed to have a 'break').

    We didn't really say much after that (just watched TV), although I really wanted to talk a lot and wanted to tell her how much I love her, but I thought that she might not need that, as it was evidently a pretty difficult time for her.

    Finally, I decided to go home. When she saw me off at the door, we didn't kiss or hug. It was definitely an awkward goodbye.

    That night, I e-mailed her to explain how I felt and that I didn't want to pressurise her into making up her mind about anything and told her that we can overcome all of the problems we had as a couple pretty easily. She told me that she didn't really have anything to say in response to that, but I figured that she was still really confused about her feelings. I've left her alone since (lost a lot of sleep again last night) and I haven't texted her at all (we used to text each other countless times every day).

    I will text her a bit into the evening tomorrow, just to say hi and ask her how she is and general stuff and not ask her about how she's feeling about us.
     
  2. Salohcin

    Salohcin New Member

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    Ok, that was an extremely long post - I do apologise! (But then, it LOOKS long, because I always write in small, frequent paragraphs - not just stuffing everything in one full paragraph)

    However, there are some background stuff I think are really important to all this (putting this in a different post to simplify stuff...hopefully nobody will post on this before I do).

    For quite a while, after China and before yesterday, she has been voicing some worries about us and whether we will stay together. I told her that it's because we've been apart for so long and things will be much better when we're together more often. She agreed.

    She did also say that she's not sure that she loves me, but then later said that she's 99% sure that she loves me and started saying that again in texts and e-mails. It went pretty well after that. In fact, everything was fine until the day before yesterday when she texted to ask if I feel that we aren't as close anymore.

    I think this is just a long 'period' in which she's confused. I've talked to mutual friends about this and they say that she will feel better soon and be sure that she loves me, because even she, herself, says that she does love me and that she will always care about me, "no matter what".

    There's also mixed signals in how she wants a 'break' and then kissed me a lot on two occasions after that. She was the one who made the move both times.

    Looking through all the texts and e-mails between me coming back from China and now, I have to say I'm feeling a bit more positive about everything, but I wanted to have another (more neutral) viewpoint in all this.

    Oh, and I don't want this to sound like a sexist slur, nor do I want to sound like a male chauvnist pig, but she's on her 'time of the month' around now, do you think that may have had an affect on how she's feeling right now?

    (Once again, really sorry about the long posts! But I really needed to let it out. Thanks.)
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2005
  3. Salohcin

    Salohcin New Member

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    Sorry, I edited my post above (I just posted a few lines first to make sure nobody posts between my first and second posts) so you may want to have a look at that before continuing.

    Do I think she's interested in anyone else? I won't say that's impossible but I don't think she is.
     
  4. Salohcin

    Salohcin New Member

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    Maybe that's the case. In fact, I think I forgot to mention it before, she did say that she's not so sure she wants a boyfriend right now. She still did say that we might get back together again if we did split up.

    It's a possibility. If she's tired of the relationship, it might mean that we need to do things to make sure we enjoy each other's company because, sometimes, everything's really repetitive whenever we're together....I don't know.
     
  5. Salohcin

    Salohcin New Member

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    Yeah, that's more or less what we're doing right now, although at the moment, we're giving each other space as friends, not as a couple. I don't know if that's exactly the same as what you meant there.

    Even if we wanted to see each other, we'll still have to see each other less in the next two months because of her theatre thing, so whether we like it or not, we'll see each other less anyway.

    Thanks for your advice.
     
    Last edited: Sep 1, 2005
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    typically, "I'm confused about my feelings for you" = "I'm just not that into you, but I can't say it right to your face"
     
  7. kaxfenix

    kaxfenix Guest

    :werd:
     
  8. quid

    quid I Piss Excellence OT Supporter

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    thats what my experience with this situation was.... it turned into a nice 3 month extended breakup, because she was too much of a pansy to just dump me.



    if you dont mind me asking, how old are you guys, and is anyting going to start happening soon, ie. she starts college.
     
  9. Persona

    Persona Eternal Punishment OT Supporter

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    girls can never outright say what they want; they just give hints and you are supposed to take it from there.

    It sounds like in between the time you to were apart, she may have found someone else and is now "confused"; I suggest you be more direct, especially with her saying "I don't want to hurt you" because that is a tell-tell sign of something amiss

    time to face the facts....
     

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