SRS She said "You are too good for me" [very very long]

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Guz200sx, Aug 6, 2006.

  1. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I haven't posted on here in a while cause of computer problems but a lot happened while I was away from OT.


    Late last month after our week together and three days at the beach, my gf of 6months broke up with me. She told me over the phone late one night and she said she was not happy and she would not be happy for a long time till she got her stuff straight with her daughter and her education.
    She wants to go back to school and is also in a custody battle with the father for her daughter. She will basically got custody of her daughter in the end but dealing with the father is a hassle cause he is a real prick and a piece of shit.

    But anyway, she said she didn't have those feelings for me anymore and she said I was good boyfriend material but not for her and she said I was great with her daughter and that she been trying to sort her feelings for me because of the way I was with her daughter but she said she couldn't pretend about them anymore because it wasn't fair to me and she didn't want to keep stringing me along.

    Personally, I don't feel she can drop her feelings for me just like that. She had told me before she had loved me and stuff....How can one lose the love for another just like that??

    I asked her if it was something I had said or did but she said no I had been fine and that it wasn't me, it was her.

    After she told me and then the call ended after some minutes of talkin, I cried and was depressed for the whole nite. I wasn't shocked or surpised because a couple of months before she had tried to end it but I talked to her and i thought we patched it up but i guess not.
    I didn't sleep the whole nite and just cried. I called out of work the next day and stayed home and typed a letter to her and sent back some of the stuff I had of hers. In the letter I wrote a lot of how I felt for her and her daughter and it seemed to really touch her because the following friday nite, she messaged me sayin she got the letter and it brought tears to her eyes and she was thinkin of me and that her daughter missed me and she missed me too. That nite I was out with my friends and we went to a strip club and i got drunk so i didn't answer her right away. I started messaging her saturday morning and we were back & forth for a while until she told me
    'I'm sorry. I know u will find someone better'
    and I replied back
    'don't u know that u are and were better than most. why can't u believe that?'
    and then she replied back with
    'u are too good for me'

    I sent her a couple of texts asking her what that meant and she never replied back so i called her later that nite and her mom answered her phone and said they had accidentally switched phones but I knew that was a lie cause her mom stammered very hard which was strange for her mom to do.

    So the following morning i sent her a text basically telling i know she didn't want to answer my texts/calls. then she sent me a text hours later tellin her to leave her alone. So i said fine and basically told her i hope she knows what she is losing because I would have treated her better than anyone else and I would have treated her daughter as my own.

    Then, fast forward, like a week later she calls me to ask me how is work doing. And so we did the casual talk thing for like 20mins then she had to go tend to her daughter. After that we talked for a bit more through the week, i think. The last time I talked to her was Last Thursday and I had invited her to a football thing for Saturday but she said she had plans already and that maybe she would call me friday nite. She didn't though. I was out friday nite with friends and got smashed harder than I had ever been smashed.

    Today I felt very lonely and started thinking about her and all the times I spent in her bed and just stuff in general. Basically just in general I felt lonely and sad.

    I don't know if she will call me back again....I have a small amount of hope that she may....only because her family is out of town this week and her daughter is stayin with her godmother and she may got lonely and maybe call me during the week. I dunno what I'll do if she does call me.....I've had a fantasy that maybe i'll ask her if i can see her again friday nite. I don't know though.

    I'm all in knots over her. I know she has/had problems but I looked past everything and I'm just wondering whats going on.....I even accepted her daughter after everyone said not too. I didn't care about stuff like that because I looked past that and I looked at really matters and thats at the person themselves. Her little girl is beautiful and great.

    she broke up with me then calls me later and continues calling me....does she want more? does she miss me?

    Its been a while already since this happened but I'm still heartbroken because I did have strong feelings for her and the little girl. My parents say to forget about her and move on but I can't do that....easier said then done. I think I am also lonely and I definately miss her.

    If she doesn't contact me, I will forget and move on.....but at the same time I will also be lonely if nothing else comes along.

    I don't know where things went wrong because I did everything right except maybe I spent TOO MUCH time with her....but it was just basically every weekend. Maybe she got bored of me. Also another thing that bothered me was that I could never get her to orgasm during intercourse. I always had to do make her orgasm during oral or using my fingers. She, at one time, during the beginning stages of our relationship, told me I was better than anyone else she had ever been with. Strange how someone can change their feelings for someone. Complete 360.

    The one wednesday that we spent at the beach together we had sex and she wanted it rough which was different for us. We had never done that before. I was surpised by it.

    Like I said earlier, I wasn't surpised or shocked because she did try to end it but i felt that was because I had pressured her too much with something. I had also felt her pulling her away from, sexually. Its like she just started making excuses about being too tired or just not in the mood but after not seein each other for a whole week, I was always in the mood and ready to make love too her. I dunno....she could have tellin the truth about that because her job is tougher and harder than mine. Her whole general daily life is harder than mine. But i wanted to support her with that and take some of the load off somehow but she wouldn't let me. i don't know why.

    Now on top of all that.....I have another woman that I have been talkin too for the past couple of days but this one lives about 3hrs away from me. We just exchanged numbers and started talking to each other on the phone. I'm excited to meet her and see if anything is their. At least, gaining interest in this new one will help me get over my ex. But this new one is also very busy. She has an older son and they spend all their free time together. Plus if things go farther, this will be a real LONG distance relationship...But she sounds very cool and I'd like to meet her. I think i'm runnin out of things to talk about tho. I'm not a real big talker anyway. I'm quiet and shy.
    With my ex, it was easy to talk about stuff and not talk about stuff too.

    :(women:wtc:
     
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2006
  2. The Secretary

    The Secretary My domestic skills will rock your socks off!

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    Unfortuntately time is your best friend right now. The heart isnt easy to mend. You dont sound ready for another relationship yet maybe just be friends for awhile while your heart has time to heal. Getting over someone just doesnt happen overnight, and "forgetting" about it doesnt help either.


    LDR's are even harder than a regular distance relationship. Dont be so quick to jump in with someone else.
     
  3. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Romantically I just feel so alone right now...its awful. I keep thinkin about my ex. She's been poppin in & out of my head all damn day. its like fuck, why can't i stop thinkin bout her?!
     
  4. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    So basically she just wants to not be with you and let you down easy. "You are too good for me" rofl, wtf does she think that even means? That's nonsense. It is one of the many popular lines girl's use though to show disinterest, or a want out of a relationship. "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now" is also a good one.

    Let her go buddy, she wants to be free.
     
  5. Xin

    Xin OT Supporter

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    and my ex pops in my head everyday. I haven't spoken to her in a month and see no changes to that in the near future, hell, maybe even for my lifetime. It's normal. You'll meet someone someday that lets you forget about her, whether it's permanently or not - only time tells that story.
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    "You are too good for me" = "I am too good for you, and I can do better...but I can't say that straight to your face".

    Now you have learned the truth behind that line, your job is to improve yourself, your attitudes, your health, your career...everything, to the point where YOU are better than her.


    The best revenge is living well. Not stewing in a dark corner of your basement.
     
  7. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    she's attracted to assholes and you are definitely too good for her. if she doesn't want you something is obviously very wrong because girls with kids are often desperate. she keeps in contact with you because women don't know what they want. but if she doesn't want you more than once a month she simply doesn't want you. let her go. :hug:
     
  8. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    :hug: I've heard that before.

    Hunting for "why" this occurs is an effort in futility. Just let it all out of your system...then move on.

    By the way, not to judge the eligibility of any single mothers out there, but are you sure you want to step into another relationship where there's a kid involved in the picture again? You're always going to play second fiddle in this...
     
  9. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    She's better than me??? I think I was ok. I mean I have a job that is interesting to me, at least. Its not the best paying job but its ok. It won't make me rich or anything. My health is fine. My attitude is ok. Its down now but on some days its up and stuff. And I am doing things to improve myself though like trying to move out of my parents house finally. I should find out this week if I will be approved for this program I joined. I'm still workin on my financial situation, that'll just take time with paying off my loans and stuff.

    And not too be arrogrant or anything but I think I was one of her better boyfriends and I treated her great. Tried to show her love, affection and all that but she didn't want it. Her issues in her past prevent her from feeling things, i think.


     
  10. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    This is what I am thinking....all her ex's have been dicks and burned her.

    I don't get it.....She got a good guy and then let him go. wtf.

     
  11. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Man, for the past couple of years, the only women I have been meeting are SINGLE mothers!! I don't know what it is. I decided I must be destined to be with a single mother. :hs:
    With the last one, I finally bended and wanted to be a supportive person but look what I get for trying to be more of a help. I got too attached (to her and the kid) and I lost out in the end.

    I know I will definately be second fiddle in a relationship with a kid.
    I was willing to accept it before with my ex.

    I don't know tho.....I'm damn lonely and at this point I feel like whatever comes my way I'm going too try and see if there is anything their.

     
  12. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    The good thing about this woman is that she told you she was breaking up wihtyou...she couldve been immature and strung you along for months whitout any real intention of loving you. Be thankful she let you go.

    And, you should also ask yourself why you enjoy dating single mothers...do you find single women wiht no children to be too intimidating?
    try to date the single mothers for the person that THEY are, NOT just because they have children. Dont date single women because you feel sorry for them, or because you want a child of your own. Date them because you love the MOM, as her own person.
    This seems to be a self-esteem issue.
     
  13. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    In a way, I do want a child of mine but I really don't date single moms because of that. I know eventually I will have my own. Although I have been questioning myself when that will happen, if ever. I definately don't date them because I feel sorry for them. If anything I admire them for the things they have to go through or have been through. I actually did not want anything to do with a single mom until I met my ex. I fell in love with her first before I ever fell in love with her daughter.

    Now I'm at a point where I don't really care if the woman is or isn't a single mom. If she has a kid then fine. No problem. I will try to be cool and nice too the kid. I can generally get along with younger kids (i work with them all day long) as opposed to older kids.

    And i find i have nothing in common with single younger women with no kids. I work with kids so I really know what a mom & dad go through every day. And a single mom I definately know how hard it is. And I admire them for doing it and struggling through it. I've seen so many just give up and break and thats terrible to just give up and let the pressure overcome them. So when I see a single mom its like I give them a standing ovation for all the hard work they do.




     
  14. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Guz, I want to answer your post in full but it is late, my fiance' is in bed, and I know she is waiting for me to join her. I will get more in depth tomorrow when I have more time.

    Basically, she was never "in love" with you. She may have cared for you a lot, but it's very rare to fall "in love" that quickly (6 months) because you don't truly get to know someone in that short of a time frame. Plus, it's even more rare to fall "out of love" that fast. The simplest explaination will do, she was never "in love" no matter what she "said". Actions speak louder than words.

    As for her calling you back, no, it doesn't mean she is having second thoughts, nor does it mean that she wants to start fresh. Maybe it's out of habit, maybe it's out of boredom, maybe she felt she needed reassurance and like a good puppy dogg she called for you, and you answered. You tried to arrange a date and she didn't go, she's not interested in you anymore.

    She doesn't like assholes and dislike good guys. Give her a little credit here. Just because she no longer felt it for a guy who tried his best to treat her like a princess doesn't mean she only likes jerks. That's a very narrow minded answer to this situation, plus it relieves you of all responsibility. This was a two way relationship and if she lost attraction towards you, it's not 100% her fault. Relationships aren't just about trying to make your partner happy, there is a lot more to it and apparantly she didn't feel like you were "the one" for her.

    I'll look more into this tomorrow.
     
  15. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I started thinking about this a while back that maybe she never WAS "in love" with me even though she used to say it. She would tell me at different times such as when I would hold her daughter and put her to sleep when she could not.

    Anyway.....I understand what your saying and its the same thing she mentioned. Its a two way street, her feelings mattered in the relationship too and I guess she just never felt like that...like I did.
    And maybe I was just blind too by something else. Maybe what I felt was not love either. Maybe I was just lonely and I attached myself to her because I needed her company and wanted to believe I could have someone to love me. I don't know. Maybe I was just straving for affection from the opposite sex. I don't know.

    I know I said before I was over her but really I'm not. Sunday, I was thinking about her...I missed the times we spent together. I miss her daughter.
    Sometimes I will see some things that remind me of her. Her name is a common word and sometimes I will see it and think of her. Thinking of her brings tears to my eyes.

    Maybe she doesn't like assholes or jerks. Maybe I just say that to make myself feel better. Maybe other people say that to make me feel better. It just hurts that I know I am a good person, I will be a good father, I will be a good husband but to just know that someone else doesn't want any of that in their life just hurts.

    I don't understand what you meant by the following -
    If she lost attraction towards me then how is it not 100% her fault? Those are her feelings?? Maybe you are sayin I drove her away by doing something too much??

    She said she was not happy and I guess she was not happy in the relationship and possibly not happy with her life in general. For being her age (21) she has a lot of problems. I know I didn't have that many problems when I was that age. I believe her history clouds her judgement a lot too.


     
  16. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Like you say, it was a very very long post and I didn't give it a complete read. But you bill yourself as a nice guy. And that her exes are total assholes.

    So I'm thinking maybe she got bored.

    You said she suddenly wanted it rough, and that she was pulling away sexually. Sounds like the fires went out in bed. And she's 21, right? Young. It's possible she found this nice, nurturing guy and realized she wasn't ready to settle down.

    That's just my quick interpretation, I had more but I lost it.

    But REGARDLESS, johan hit the nail on the head. The best thing for you to do is live well. And I also recommend against starting an LDR as a rebound. Those are hard enough.
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    This leads into the rest of what I wanted to say last night. I remember you and Green Bastard were posting almost identicle posts. You both talked dreamily about your girlfriend even though both of you (I think Green too) were only in the relationship for a very short time. Both of you came across as very clingy and came on way too strong way too fast.

    I can't remember which one of you it was, or if it was both of you, but there was talk about writing a letter professing how much you love her, how you couldn't live without her, etc, and that's just way too much way too soon. I could see letting something like that go down during an exchange of presents during a wedding or something, but that kind of stuff is generally way too much. It doesn't work like this in the real world, only in the movies.

    So basically what I meant by the quoted part is that you did do your part in killing the attraction and mystery. Even if it wasn't you who sent that letter (I think it was Green) you did do a lot of things that killed the challenge that makes a relationship interesting by coming on so strong and clinging so tightly.

    Relationships tend to burn out if a partner (especially the man) makes himself an open book. If you reveal all of your cards early on then there is no challenge left, no give and take. You basically throw yourself at your partner and that's that. It's over. No more fun, no mare give and take.
    Think about it this way... Would you continually play poker with someone who revealed all of their cards right away and professed how much they love playing poker with you? No, you would quickly grow tired of that person no matter how nice they were, and you'd end up playing poker elsewhere. You'd want to play poker with someone who was more mysterious, who didn't cave in and let you win all of the time. It's more fun and it's more challenging with someone who is strong.
    Relationships are much of the same, there is a lot of bluffing going on, a lot of teasing, playing the game, etc, but once you make yourself a boring partner the whole game becomes stagnant.

    Since you came on so strong and tried your hardest to make her happy, you are like the poker player who revealed everything early and who tried to be nice to let your partner win all of the time. So I think you did your own part in killing the attraction. You were a bad poker player. Get me?

    In a relationship you need to understand how things work. One of the main things is to not take what a woman says as gospel. You will find that women are creatures of emotion, are nurturers, and they tend to follow their instincts, not just for themselves but for others. If she likes you then she won't want to hurt you and will not have second thoughts about lying or whatever in attempt to spare some of your feelings. Not only that, but she ultimately cares for herself and if the relationship no longer feels right, she will end up removing herself from the relationship one way or another. It's far easier to understand what a woman wants by following her actions. Her actions speak loud and clear about what she really wants, whereas the words can be misleading, can be straight out lies, and can be manipulative. Pay attention to actions, not words.

    You also need to maintain the chemistry, the fun, the challenge, etc in a relationship, not just for her but for you as well. You are two independant people with two different lives. It is not a good idea to suddenly thrust both lives completely together and lay all of your cards on the table by declaring how she is the one. Nor can you cater to her every need. By doing so you kill the attraction, the challenge, the chemistry. You must still maintain your independence and keep some of your cards hidden. This does not mean you cannot be a great and loving partner, because to be that does not require throwing yourself at her. By throwing yourself at her you change the situation because you show her that you cannot bear being without her and that immediately gives her all of the power. That's a lot of leverage to give someone, especially early on. It ends up costing you that persons respect, it removes all sense of challenge, and it ends up killing the chemistry.

    I don't know to what level you did this, it could be to a much lesser degree, but I called it early on when reading your first posts about this situation. In fact, if I recall correctly things between the two of you were still fine and dandy and I still tried to warn you that if you continued down the path I saw you taking that it could cost you the relationship.

    In the future I suggest you do a better job at maintaining the challenge and to be a better poker player. You're a good guy so if you can do this you will truly be a great catch.
     
  18. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I was thinkin that maybe she got bored too but I don't know....From the first time though we had sex, I could not make her orgasm via intercourse. I always used oral or my fingers. And like I said before she once even said I was better than anyone else she had been with. So maybe it wasn't that.

    I think it might lean more towards the nice, nurturing guy who was ready and willing to make the full commitment and she wasn't. She once told me she wanted to experience life more and their were so many things she wanted to experience so maybe that was a factor.

     
  19. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I heard from some people to "take it slow" but I didn't listen and so this is the end result. I hate to say it but they were right and you were right too. Maybe if I had "taken it slow" we would still be together and their would still be some mystery. Maybe I should never have expressed my feelings for her so soon. Maybe staying over at her house every weekend was too much. :wtc: I just wanted to be with her though...I was in love and wanted to spend all my time with her.

    I guess it was too much....:wtc:


    Also...I don't have too much about myself that is "mysterious." Even though, my friends would say different but thats because I'm not an open book with them....I kept too myself for a long time and never told them much....until a couple of months ago when we started emailing each other and hanging out more. I can pretty much describe my days and other things to people in one initial sitting. I am really just a hard working very average guy.

    I dunno.....I guess I have to learn to stop being so clingy, even though I thought I wasn't, maybe I was. Or am. Maybe I shouldn't show I am desperate for love when in reality I am? Don't show I am lonely...I guess.


     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2006
  20. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Exactly. Don't be an open book.
     
  21. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Their isn't much to the book anyway...


     
  22. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    I keep thinking about my ex too.....especially yesterday when I was talkin to my co-worker about something else and she says '6months is a long time' and i thought instantly about my ex and how long we were together - 6 months! I just said to myself...'yea, thas right. 6 months is a long time!!'

    this shit sucks....:wtc:
     
  23. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    It could be she was bored....I didn't really have much conversation stuff to talk about. I mean I don't do anything during the week but work so the only thing to talk about was my job and even then I can only talk so much about that. Plus on top of that, I spent all the weekends together with her so individually we never had time to experience anything else and talk about anything else.

    In reality....I think I am a very boring person....conversation wise. We used to do different stuff tho. I used to take her places and we used to hang out and do stuff. Maybe I didn't challenge her mind either.....



    fuck, man...i don't know anymore....i could go on all day about this shit and it'll just keep driving me fuckin crazy.

    but fuck...
    it still hurts. i loved her. and i'm still fuckin thinkin that 4 months from now when its her birthday, i'll still be thinkin about her....christ.:wtc: :wtc:


    deep down in my heart and in my head....i feel like calling her or texting her or doing something just to hear her voice or get some type of reaction or something from her....god i want too so bad....

    but then i think she's not goin through the same thing i am cause if she was she would have texted me or called me......which means she is already forgotten me or forgotting me.


     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2006
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Keep yourself busy, try to improve yourself through working out and picking up hobbies. You'll get over her faster than you think if you do this.
     
  25. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    wow...seems like love does conquer all in some cases; seems like you really loved her and tried your best to make things work

    I didn't read the replies, but sometimes time does heal all wounds. I'm sorry :hug:
     

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