SRS She Needs A Break

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Tenma, Sep 18, 2005.

  1. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    I've been with my girlfriend for six-and-a-half months now, but something's been building up inside her to make her unhappy, and it all came to a head today. She said she needs a break. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong, saying she didn't have the words for it, and she wants me to be happy without her. I don't think I can do that; I was never really happy before she came along. We do love each other, but for some reason she has this need to depend on herself, and apparently it's too much pressure for her that she means the world to someone. We agreed not to see other people, but she wouldn't promise me that she'd come back to me. I don't know what this means, or I don't want to face the possibility that she might leave me completely. I'm afraid; I love her so much, and she means so much to me. I just want her to be happy that someone loves her, and I want her to stay with me. I haven't felt this way about anyone, and I doubt I will again. :crying: I normally just frequent the Off topic board, but I don't know where else to turn right now. Has anyone else been through something similar to this, and if so, what was the result? I don't want to lose her.
     
  2. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Time to move on. Keep yourself busy.
     
  3. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    That's what I'm trying to do, but we only had this talk about an hour ago. This is so hard right now.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My suggestion is that you keep calling her, and question her if she has found another person in her life, you as her concerned partner have the right to know what is going on in her life (don't take 'nothing' for an answer) if she refuses to give you an answer , then tell her that you want to break up completely with her. You as her partner have the right to know what is going on. If you already consider the relation as broken up entirelly. I advice you to replace your ex-gf with a new gf and move on with your life, your ex will move on and i encourage you to do the same.
     
  5. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    Well, thankfully, she's not my ex. She came by last night and we worked everything out. I have a lot of work to do on my end; she was upset that I hadn't been too social with her friends, and that I acted like she was the primary focus of my life. In short, her message was for me to lighten up. She's not leaving me, but I definitely need to work a little harder at certain aspects of my personality. :hs:
     
  6. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    A. You are being way too clingy. Just relax your obsession a little bit. My ex waited for me to supply every bit of entertainment in her life. (Of course, she was whiny about it too, which I assume you are not. But still) you must show that you can lead your own life.

    B. A lot of people who take breaks get back together. The offtopic crowd is all into "leave the bitch!!" I disagree with this. I know personally that a lot of the time if you handle a "break" with smoothness, you can get through it and be better for it.
    If she does in the future decide she needs a break, react as you normally would for about five minutes. This will be sort of a fight/argument in most situations. Then send her a simple, elegant, romantic-looking letter by snail mail. "Billberta - I guess I understand. Take as much time as you need. I love you." Maybe attach a picture of you two together. Then put her out of your head since there's nothing you can do until she comes around to a decision.
     
  7. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    Well, hopefully it won't come to that, but I'll keep it in mind. I think if I stick to A, everything should work out.
     
  8. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Um, Holy Doodle. First off, it's up to YOU to make yourself happy...Don't rely on anyone else...if she wants to go, let her. If she's playing games, goodbye...seems to me she got some figuring out to do and it appears it is at your expense. (I could stand corrected on the last bit.)

    I know what it is like to love someone with every atom...I also know what it feels like to lose that person or to be dumped, whatever way you look at it. Cripes, I felt like it was the very end of the world and life was not meant for me.

    But, and this the big but, you move on. Hard as it is, and it took me a very long time, but inch by inch slowly (excruiatingly slowly) you learn to accept the fact this person is out of your life, no going past Go and collecting $200...kaput...nada...zilch.

    So, what to do? You accept it, put on a smile and get your keester out there and look around, have fun, and I bet my prized slide rule that someone will catch your eye...and you might just possibly go thru the Soul Pain again...and it will hurt just as much...but you move on, again, and again, and finally WHAM! You'll find someone, usually when you least expect it.

    Cupid has no timetable...remember that.

    :) Remember to take a sweater with you...it's starting to get chilly outside.
     
  9. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    The thing is, I'm not looking for anybody else. She said it was only a break...but she also said it was a mistake coming over because I might have been confused that everything was okay. I knew I still had work to do, but she still feels like she needs to be removed from me for a while. I guess it's kinda like a trial separation. All I can do is occupy myself and hope she comes back to me. She is the someone I found when I least expected it, and if I lose her, I don't think I'll ever find anyone like her again. Cliched, I know, but she means that much to me.
     
  10. Crotchy

    Crotchy New Member

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    Sorry man, but I totally disagree with you on that one.
    Keep calling her? No, that will only drive her away. from the start, you cansee that this person is being over passionate and over caring to his girl, and her telling him that she needs a break was a way to start establishing the distance that both need to have. As in, bot have different social groups, different friends, while still enjoying eachother's company.
    Although, as a partner, he has a right to know what's going on, he should also learn to trust his partner and when she said nothing else and they wouldn't see anyone, than she was being honest with him.
    In any event, things are sorted out for him and I'm happy :big grin:
    Give the guy a change to make things work, don't tell him to do things that will sabotage his relationship.
     
  11. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    Thanks. That's just the reinforcement that I need. For what it's worth, it hurts to put so much distance between us, but if that's what it takes to keep her, I'll do it. It's not so much being alone during that time that worries me, though; it's just not knowing if/when she'll come back to me. :(
     
  12. TheGetUpkid

    TheGetUpkid New Member

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    I know where you comming from. Not knowing if shes going to come back is a horrible feeling. If she seems content with this break then nothing you say or do will change her mind. Did she say how much time she needs or did she just give you "i dont know, i just need time"? Me and my girlfriend went on a break this summer for over a month but we did end up getting back together. I hate to admit it just cause i was hurt so bad but the time apart did do us good. My advice is to do things to keep your mind off her. Take some time to do the things you like, go out with your friends and whatnot.
     
  13. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    She just said she needed time. I hate to swing in the wind like this, but if I have to, I have to. I'll do anything I need to to keep her; she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

    I'm glad you were able to stay with your girl. What drove you two apart for the month?
     
  14. Tenma

    Tenma Hell, you can even call me the Flame Alchemist. Wh

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    If she doesn't want me to wait around for her while we're on this break, what does that mean, in your collective experience?
     
  15. TheGetUpkid

    TheGetUpkid New Member

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    If thats what you really want deep down inside, then I say just give her time and I guess "wait" for her. But try and dont get your hopes up cause you never know what will happen. I guess Hope for the best but also expect the worse.

    My girlfriend actually wanted the break because I started to take her for granted. She never told me how she felt and just kept her feelings inside until it eventually led to the break.
     
  16. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    To be honest, the only people I've ever heard of who've given that line to their SO when they wanted a break wanted to sleep with other people. She probably wants to experience what other people are like both in bed and out of it, especially if you were her first/only partner up until this point. It's possible that this isn't the case and that she really does just want some time to assess life and figure out what she really wants, but the odds are against this.

    The only way you're going to figure out what it is she really wants is to find out what motivated her to take the break in the first place. She may not want to hold you back from seeing other girls now because there's a chance she'll decide in the future that the relationship is over.
     
  17. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Yet another one. First off, do you really believe that "it's too much pressure for her that she means the world to someone" ? That's a load of crap and I hope you know it. She didn't promise that she would come back to you because she doesn't want to. She doesn't have that spark with you anymore, and she wants to move on now.

    You also said this: "...and she wants me to be happy without her. I don't think I can do that; I was never really happy before she came along."
    The problem is you. You are attaching happiness to things like her. That's just wrong. Happiness comes from within and if you can't be happy without her then that is something you really need to deal with. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised (in fact I am sure) that this is part of the reason she no longer is attracted to you. That's quite a burden you're putting on her, not to mention if you can't be happy by yourself then what kind of self respect do you have? You're making it look more like a pity case. I would move on too.
     

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