LGBT Sexuality and gender confusion

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by fallenleafs, Mar 26, 2004.

  1. fallenleafs

    fallenleafs Guest

    Hello Im new to the board. I wanted to post a bit about myself...I have some definite confusion in my life regarding myself. I do not know whether I am straight, gay, or bi,tg. I have had sexual experiences with one girl. I recieved and gave oral. We had fooled around a few times. The first time I ever recieved oral in my life was from her. When it occured the first thought that came to my mind is " roles should be reveresed". That this isn't right. I have been dressing in womens clothing since I was a child. I have always kept this hidden though. I am very unsure about my sexuality and gender. I find myself staring at a beutiful girl and thinking "you are so fortunate". I rarely ever have the thought of wanting anything sexual from them...although I could definetly see this happening with the right girl. When I masterbate my thought and fantasy's range from having sex with a man as a woman to being dominated by a beautiful woman and quite a bit in between. I have not had an experience with a guy yet although I really want to. I was just wondering if anyone had any insight. I am quite often very happy as a male, but I do often wish that I were female. I have a great appreciation for both body types and im just hoping that some of my confusion will be answered at some point. Has anyone else gone through any of this. I grew up in a very religious household and would not have any support from my family at all. How do you deal with this? I love my family and want them to love me...all of me.
     
  2. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    In my opinion, based upon the information you've provided, including the thoughts of men when jerking off, leads me to believe that you may very well be gay.

    For a time, when I was confused back in my late teens and early twenties, I could jerk off to the thought of a guy or girl, but I had to work at jerking off to the thought of a girl. With thinking of a guy, it just came natural to me. I could easily jerk off to the thought of guys and didn't have to work at it, mentally or physically. ;)

    Personally, I have never dressed in women's clothes, although I did dress up once for a Halloween party a few years ago. Other than that, I've never had the desire to dress up in women's clothes.

    The desire to dress in women's clothing could be an outward expression of what your unconscious mind is feeling inside.

    My suggestion to you is, to take your time and explore your sexuality. Find another guy you feel comfortable with, that may be in the same situation as you - trying to find himself, and explore your sexuality together. You may find that you are not truly gay, or that you are.

    If you are, give yourself the time and care to slowly embrace the idea/feeling of who you truly are. Acceptance comes easier for some than for others, but it's rarely ever a smooth road for everyone.

    As for your family, your family should love you regardless of who you are. You indicate that they are religious. Because of this, if you discover that you are truly gay, you may run into a large amount of friction. Before you deal with your family, first deal with yourself. Become comfortable and confident with who you are and what you feel. It is this comfort and confidence that will become your greatest strength when dealing with those who do not agree or cannot accept who you are.

    Hopefully, I've helped in some way.
     
  3. fallenleafs

    fallenleafs Guest

    Thank you for the reply it is good advice.
     
  4. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    You're welcome and good luck. Keep us posted.
     
  5. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    i dunno if i can offer much other than my experiences with people in a similar situation.

    I interned last year for a tv production company and my main project was on a show about genderdysphoria (i.e. man who thinks they should have been born a woman and vice versa) and FTM sex change operations. I logged many interviews taken with women who always felt they should have been born a man.

    1) Genderdsyphoria in my opinion is something normal and something a lot of people go through. People dont just decide to have sex change operations. They have to get recommendations from not just one, but two psychiatrists, one of which has to have seen the person for over two years. They have to already be on hormones, etc. to see if they are comfortable with the changes.

    2) Crossdressing is different from genderdysphoria. Have you dressed in women's clothing to augment your sexual gratification ? (I know you said you did it when you were little but i'm assuming you still might do it today, correct me if im wrong :) ) If it is, you might just have a fetish. If not and you did it because you felt like you were a girl trapped in a boy's body, then perhaps you may be experiencing some genderdysphoria.

    3) in my opinion, you really can't know if you are gay or not until you have investigated both sides of the field. Take me for example, my first tiem was with a guy but i got curious with girls and dated one for awhile and we did some intimate stuff and yes, I liked it, but in reality, i wasn't really thinking about sex with girls that i met like i would be with some guys i met. :p. I don't really bother defining myself but if i had to, i'd say i was gay. My point is labels are "stoopid". You are who you are. Period.

    4)Religion and homosexuality/genderdysphoria are issues that may not seem to mix well but for most people, things go just well. The underlying point is that if youre family really loves you, they will support you or learn to support you. They will miss out on so much if they shun you and they will regret it in the end.

    I know these four points are rather vague but I'm just trying to give you some general info to consider. Hopefully some of it might help. I know NOVAjock has already established some of these points but i just said them again to reassure you that many others agree with him :)

    PM if you do have any other questions about genderdsyphoria. Incredibly, I have become quite a knowledgeable person about it after countless hours of assisting in conducting interviews with physciatrists and physcians and plastic surgeons alike. Good luck!
     
  6. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    ^^^ Excellent post. Thanks marxwa99!
     
  7. marxwa99

    marxwa99 Boom Squad

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    Thanks, in all honesty, I did not understand genderdysphoria a year and a half ago and I thought sex change operations and transgender individuals were rather freaky. However the internship opportunity (which did suck in the end) was sort of a blessing in disguise by allowing me to open my eyes. Unfortunately like with racial issues, there is a lot of hate found within the gay/bi/lesbian/transexual/transgender community and this is one of the main issues. :( But they can count on one less pregidous person now :)
     
  8. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    I thought this until a month ago until I read quite a bit of stories and thought about it. :) It's really not as uncommon as I thought it was.

    The bitter truth with family and friends is if they can't accept it or at least come to terms with themselves then they are not worth the struggle. It's very difficult but you have to remember that if you are gay or bi, there are people out there that could care less in the good way--and give you the time or day that they would give anybody.
     
  9. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    I have been meaning to respond in this thread, but I feel as though I could say nothing else new. All of the replies in this thread have been what I would have said. These issues are serious ones, and I only wish that my friend (the one from THE OTHER thread) had come to me earlier and discussed these things... As hard as it is for L&G youth growing up and trying to discover/find themselves and forming their identities, B&T's have it that much worse, as they are often misunderstood even within the Queer Community. I think it awesome that OT has provided this resource, and the number of identity questions that have bombarded this forum recently testify to the fact that people have a lot of questions. I am only proud that we can attempt to shed some fraction of a guiding light.

    Fallenleafs, I hope that these responses have been of help, and that you are comforted by the knowledge that although there is a lot of confusion right now, in time, you will blossom in self appreciation, love, and understanding.
     
  10. fallenleafs

    fallenleafs Guest

    Everyone thank you very much. I appreciate everything. It is definetly a bit hard and trying at times when you are unsure of yourself. At times I just want to shout out to the world that Im gay or something, but until I know for sure I will keep quiet. I have confided in a few of my friends about questioning my sexuality and they have been helpful and supportive. I have only told one friend about my tg related issues and she is ok with it. Definetly was a relief to express those feeling that I have had kept hidden for so long. I still feel odd when talking to her though. Thanks again for the words of encouragement.
     

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