Sexual compatibility...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Panoptimist, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    My current girlfriend basically made the first move on me the first night we met, but I made her wait.

    When we first started having sex she apparently like lesbian porn and throat-fucking. Shit makes me a little sick inside. I guess she could tell i wasn't into it (I love good head and I'll never forget her saying "if im not giving you head at least 3 times a week thats a problem and you need to tell me" :hsugh: yeah right), for me it took away from the sensuality and emotionality. I didn't want to look at this girl like a trash bucket.

    She never expressed ill-concerns about not watching porn or getting throat fucked as I ceased to do it (she likes a good spanking and some hair-pulling) and actually sobbed out of joy after some good passionate sessions "you really love me"....i guess she had always been fucked, never love-made. i just love coming at the same time while holding her close and tight, wet kisses too.

    she claims the sex is great, but im starting to wonder if she's just uncomfortable expressing how she truly feels. after a few months of seriously being attached at the hip, i helped her clean her room to move some stuff in and will never forget picking up cum-stained boxers and condom wrappers under her bed. i don't know if she feels like she can't express how she truly wants to have sex, or if she really does love the sex.

    Especially what I noticed was the amount of head steadily decreasing over the course of our relationship and now that she just moved away, and possibly how into it she is. I've tried to ask her before what sort of things she likes, what feels best, how, etc. and sometimes it seems as if she wants to dodge the question, or at least is in some way embarrassed to speak about it. However, based on how extremely close we are I figure it would be something she could talk about, and I'm starting to think she might not want to say anything because she knows I think getting fucked like piece of shit is just disgusting.

    I guess I could've done more to "spice" things up before she left, but I thought our sex was great. Random places, positions, quickies here, pull over on the side of the road, pool, ocean. I'm just so attracted to the idea of close-contact, wet, sensual sex, at least if there is any emotion behind it. Again, it is hard for me to imagine that she is sexually satisfied coming from a background of forcefully gagging on penis. It makes me question who she was with before that trained her in that, and if she truly likes being dominated in that way. I guess it's just something that I specifically have a hard time talking with her about. It's part of her psychology that I don't understand. Now she almost looks at me like I'm an asshole if I swing my penis anywhere near her face nonchalantly. Does she not like giving me head, is it my lack of "kinky" in the bed (spanking, hairpulling, etc. not considered kinky) that's a sign of submissiveness? Do I make her feel bad about going down on me or not confident about it because I don't make it a point to force anything? I guess I fear that on some level she is not open about her true sexual nature and it will rear its ugly head as this LDR progresses. The overt sexuality that I've noticed has me worried in her ability to go for an extended period of time without some sort of dominating sexual stimulation.

    She doesn't really like me giving her head..I guess because she doesn't like the taste of her pussy and I guess it doesn't feel good...though I've gotten her to cum more than once with just my mouth. She just likes going straight for insertion. She HAS to have penis, foreplay doesn't usually last long. But I actually enjoy giving her head, well, I guess the thought of it, again I'd hope she'd tell me if it wasn't necessarily enjoyable but something about the idea of it is nice...making your partner feel good again in a more sensual fashion..but she just seems to want straight penis. No foreplay. Have I worked this up or do I need to buy her a dildo for a present?
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
  2. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I think it's actually you who isn't open about your sexual nature. She seems to know what she wants and how she wants it. And I doubt that your preferences "make her sick inside".

    I like how you blame other guys in her past for programming her this way... as if she can't enjoy that kind of sex on her own fruition.


    I'm not saying you are a bad guy, but you need to have a massive conversation with your girl, and you need to stop judging her because her preferences don't match yours. Why is your sexual preference the right one?
     
  3. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Yeah, I guess you are right.

    Sadly enough she's moved away and I can see a conversation like that being a point of contention at the moment. We wont be together physically for a little while now. Hopefully she is getting what she needs. We'll find out I guess. For some reason it's something she doesn't like speaking openly about.

    She never acted like it was bad, or that something was missing, but again, she would never openly speak about how she felt. At this point, I can't see myself throat-fucking someone I love. But I guess if that's what they love....However, it's just an act of extremely sad submitting. There's no dignity in some of that shit.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Why'd you delete the other thread and make this one?
     
  5. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Well you two really should talk about it all.... because you obviously not sexually compatible (based on this thread - I could be wrong - she may have no problem with your preferences). And if you are now living that far apart, sexual incompatibility will force you two apart unless you can agree to some sort of middle ground.
     
  6. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Exactly.

    And this could be all in my head, but I just wonder about her original actions and if they were truly a preference or more of an act of submission. She's said that she loves the sex we have and she's enthusiastic about it, approaches me for sex as much I do her.

    I guess what has been killing is my attitude and the natural distancing caused by shifting immediately from an unhealthily dependent relationship right into a LDR.
     
  7. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    I couldn't bear to read it.

    I need to think things out a bit more.

    Again, I needed a release as I was writing it but was just sentences of incoherent emotional mumbo jumbo.
     
  8. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    If she wasn't enjoying it she wouldn't be initiating it very often. It's probably in your head.

    One more thing to get in your head is just because she enjoys an act of submission doesn't mean she can't enjoy it. You keep talking like she's only doing it to please you or other guys... she wouldn't do it if she wasn't getting something from it.
     
  9. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    That's right. But she doesn't do it. I figure she'd start sucking if she wanted get the idea across. If she enjoyed it that much I guess I'd know by now. Depending on the mood she takes it as an insult if I pull my cock out and put it in her face.
     
  10. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Then it is all in your head. You need to figure out why you're so insecure about this and then work on not letting it get to you. You are in a LDR now and if you want your relationship to work you need to be honest with each other, and also not be so insecure or the distance will magnify your insecurities x 1 billion
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    If it wasn't for the fact that I think gender roles are bullshit, I'd ask if you were really a woman. :mamoru: Seriously, I'm used to women thinking those acts are degrading and the guy just enjoying them and not the other way around.

    Not to be harsh, but if she genuinely wants those things and you genuinely aren't comfortable with them, you're both better off with different partners. There are men who would die to have a girl like that and there are women who would die to have a guy like you. I know it seems like breaking up over sexual preferences is fucked, but when it comes down to it, that's the practical solution in my experience. You think there is something wrong with her and she probably thinks the same. Think of it like a evangelical christian trying to be with a passionate athiest. It's that big of a deal.
     
  12. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I will have a long response later when I have more time :)
     
  13. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Trust me man, I about blew the fucking thing this past weekend when I went up to visit her. I've always had trouble handling my emotions, especially in a case like this. Never been through any sort of feeling like it at all.

    It's really made me (and us) stronger though, even though it will be another few weeks now before we see each other and I can make up for the past weekend. She really does love me as much as one could, though, that is for sure. I just need to show her that I can be strong without her on me all the time. A lot of it too I did to myself by getting so attached I let my schooling go and that has been a major subconscious factor in marking my attitude.
     
  14. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    :wiggle:
     
  15. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    We're a little bit closer than I may have led on.

    It's really something I haven't been able to ask about for one reason or another. This happened only when we first met but it has stuck with me ever since.

    But yeah, we need to have a talk about it, but every time I try she says "Our sex is wonderful, I love our sex, shhhh"...
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Well my advice from before still stands, but if you think the distance between your desires is something you can bridge then I'm all for making the effort to do that. Some people can, some people can't. Hopefully your girl is genuinely happy with your sex life and not just hiding her true feelings.

    Either way let me offer this as something that helped me and my gf:
    http://www.amazon.com/101-Nights-Gr...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252506785&sr=8-1

    I would suggest that book to anyone and everyone whether they are having trouble with their sex life or not. It's a great way to explore the sex life, try new things, and have fun with it.
     
  17. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Yeah, I mean, I guess the notion of there being a distance between our desires kind of catches me by surprise. I guess it's really been up to me initiate something new or interesting, but our sex is far from boring (at least from my perspective, though she wants to be an actress, now I wonder how many she's faked). I'm under the impression that she feels comfortable enough talking about it. We're comfortable enough with everything else. But yeah, I guess it's hard for a lot of people. If she has really not been into it for awhile now and just withholding her true feelings, this wont last long anyway. I don't know if she's patient enough to wait.

    And I mean, at this point, living so far away, I don't think anything like that would help unless I brought up with me as a surprise. Which I might do if I can afford it.
     
  18. ChipOnShoulder

    ChipOnShoulder New Member

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    You'll miss it when she's gone.

    You're kind of a prude huh...
     
  19. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Probably because she wants you to MAN UP AND FUCK HER. :mamoru::o

    Christ. Not to be mean, but I hate when guys act like you do. I could NEVER be in a relationship like yours. If I found out you couldn't do what made me happy in bed(which is prob why she's been meh with you about having sex) then I would leave.

    Not all sex has to be "dove's flying overhead and love and ponies and magic". Sometimes a girl just wants to be fucked until she can't walk or talk. It feels good. Some girls like being a submissive. It's not because of any fucked up thing that has happened in their life. It's just a preference that some girls like. I like being submissive. I am in a good relationship, yet we don't really "make love" we both like end enjoy rough sex. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with us at all. It's just all good fun and pleasure.

    And it shouldn't be, "My views are right, hers are trashy" because there is no truth in that too. Some people have kinks, and you just happen to not like some of them. That doesn't make her trashy or dirty in anyway. And there wasn't and guy that made her like that.
     
  20. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    QFT
     
  21. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Life is a learning process.
     
  22. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Sometimes she complains about it being too hard :dunno:
     
  23. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Well, there is a difference between "hard" and "so hard you're hitting my cervix and that shit hurts". So you are probably just hitting the wrong area.
     
  24. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    It's true. It all depends on the angle.
     
  25. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    In retrospect the only thing I wish is that I had in some way approached her better about it.

    I just feel like we were close enough living with eachother every day for 8 months that we could have talked about it. We can talk about anything else. Again, I just did not give her a good prompt, I guess didn't make her feel truly comfortable discussing the issue. Meh, we'll talk when I see her again, I'm not gonna have that conversation on the phone. If she decides she can't wait, well, I guess she won't wait.

    And it's not like I didn't try, just not in the right way. Again, we've had our sex for 8 months. I don't know if she's truly honest when she enthusiastically states that she enjoys the sex. It's never been a point of contention, it just hurts me that she may be withholding.

    The majority of her orgasms are clitoral which she or I usually stimulate during sex, she seems to not be as sensitive in the g-spot area as other females I've known, but I "might be doing it wrong," still I've asked and asked and got nothing. I feel like I noticed an increase in her having to stimulate herself during sex as time went on which I take in part as a sign of her entire body not be fully turned on. I dunno.

    I really feel that if it was something we were able to sit and talk about it we could easily mend the issue. Again, I don't really know if there is an issue, but the more I dwell and analyze I realize that there probably is she just doesn't feel comfortable speaking about it. My problem with it results from certain insecurities that came about from previous experiences.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009

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