Sexual Chemistry

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Kleine Maus, Jun 18, 2008.

  1. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    My boyfriend and I have an awesome relationship. But, sometimes I have doubts about our sexual chemistry. Our connection is amazing in every aspect, except for having sex. It seems my sex drive is stronger than his, and I don't think he likes oral sex. Often he drinks a couple shots before we start to do our thing, saying it helps improve his "performance".

    Is sexual chemistry either there or not there? I'm just confused overall. This is a first.
     
  2. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Do you think he is sexually atracted to you but just cant get "in the moment"?

    Or do you feel that there is little sexual attraction?
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :ugh: That's alcoholic behavior first of all...He has to get drunk to feel comfortable having sex with you? That's um, not good to say the least. Drinking never improves performance, it maybe helps him hold out longer but there are far better ways to achieve holding out than drinking shots!

    And you don't "think" he likes oral?

    Sounds pretty obvious that you two need to sit down and have a very serious, adult talk about sex. What you like, what you don't like, and anything you are curious about.

    But to answer the real point, not everyone has sexual chemistry. About 3 years ago I dated this really great guy. We actually didn't have sex until after dating for maybe 6 weeks. We clicked so well when chatting and hanging out so I assumed in the bedroom it would be the same way...no. Our sex was totally awkward and it just was never hot or sexy. Just boring and tame. We kept trying and trying and nothing. Eventually that affected our non-sexual relationship. It made him frustrated and he started to drink and once I think did coke and it didn't help :( We broke up for good.

    Good sex in a relationship is harder to find than you might think. You can keep trying new things, but if nothing improves I don't think it's shallow to want to find someone you are more sexually compatible with :dunno:

    But again, you two really need to talk about all of this, and I mean seriously. The alcohol part really bothers me. And when you ask about the oral ask him if it's you and be prepared for him to possibly say he doesn't like how you give head. Be open and willing to listen to what you could do better.
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i dont think sexual chemistry is something you can force. its either there or its not.

    how long have you guys been having sex? if its early in the relationship, you might want to give it a few more tries to see if you guys are just not totally comfortable around each other yet, or holding back or embarassed about what you like or want.

    either way, i think you need to talk to him about it. its better to know whats going on than to be left wondering and be upset about your sex life

    its an important thing to have sexual chemistry. my mom told me way back before i was even having sex that she wanted me to have sex with the man i was going to marry way before i married him to make sure that chemistry was there.
     
  5. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    First of all thank you for your input.

    We have been together for almost 9 months, and like I said, everything else is great.

    I try to talk about it, and it doesn't really get us anywhere. He says he thinks everything is great! And he said not to be wierded out about the drinking thing, but I mean.... ?

    The oral sex thing, I mean oral sex to me. Again, he says he does, but...

    And well, sexually attracted to me? I would hope so? What if this is just normal for him?
     
  6. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    post pics we'll tell you if he's sexually attracted to you.

    the drinking thing: if he doesnt drink all the time, then he is just worried about his performance.

    the oral sex thing: he may not want to hurt your feelings.
     
  7. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    Hahaha, I won't post pics... but I mean, in past relationships, let's just say things were completely opposite!
     
  8. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    I have tried to talk about sex before, but it doesn't really get us anywhere. I don't think he thinks anything is abnormal.
     
  9. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Sexual Chemistry with my first 2 >>> sexual chemistry of the 3rd minus when we were both hammered and had no idea what or who was going on. lol.

    Oh and coke dick sucks, I dont know of any guy that would do coke to perform better.
     
  10. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    No, he doesn't do coke! Just drinks, and not always, but I have noticed he def prefers to have a few drinks in his system before.
     
  11. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    but you dont think everything is great, so you need to tell him that. if he wont talk to you about it, then you need to think about what you want to do. if this is normal and satisfactory for him but not for you, you may need to move on to find someone with all of his good qualities PLUS the sex life you want. dont sell yourself short. him not willing to discuss it in detail and seriously would worry me....
     
  12. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    Like I said, he thinks this is normal.
    And he also said no other girlfriend has ever wanted to talk to him about sex. That is baffling!

    :( I love him a lot. And it's not like it is horrible, but it just those weird things I mentioned... What do I do?
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    You need to sit him down and actually have a conversation. I'm willing to bet anytime you've asked these questions the second he goes "everything is fine!" You just go "oh ok" and never further the conversation. Your relationship will never last if you can't communicate openly about what is bothering you and he refuses to open up.

    It's not "normal" by any means for someone to drink a lot before they fuck someone they love. It's an alcoholic tendency. If he's not comfortable having sex with you without alcohol after dating 9 months something is terribly wrong. And if he tells you he has no problem going down on you yet never does then you need to speak the fuck up and tell him you'd like him to do it more!
     
  14. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    I wasnt refering to your BF, Kleine. I was refering to Beer's post. I guess I should have quoted her.

    Either way, drugs should enhance sex, not make it good. Also, you shouldnt want to be on drugs every time you have sex. It is a fun occasional experience, but I also enjoy the moment with a woman as well and I cant do that if I am hammered, I can hardly do it if I am high.

    So a couple shots isnt "hammered" but anyone but a seasoned alcoholic would feel a buzz throwing back 2-3 shots back to back.
     
  15. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    This might be completely wrong, but alcohol is usually used to increase the attractiveness of someone then it is to make someone better in bed. This is going to sound really really mean, especially if it is true.... but maybe you naked isn't exactly a turn on?

    Just something to think about (because it can be fixed by hitting the gym or losing weight etc), I am not saying it to be typical OT cruel.
     
  16. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    I've gathered that he enjoy to be not sober when we do it.
    He says it makes him last longer, because otherwise he cums too soon.
    And he doesn't shut down about any other topic, but for sex, he says he just doesn't have much to say. He says, "It's good!"
     
  17. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    I appreciate that. That isn't the case, though. I mean, I exercise and am not overweight. It is not uncommon for men to approach me often. I want to feel that from him, no one else. What gives?
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I figured using the alcohol to hold out longer would be his excuse, however, there are far better ways to go about holding out longer :ugh:

    It would take a lot of practice and a lot of willpower but he can cantrol how fast he goes without alcohol. I just worry him using that as a crutch because honestly it's something alcoholics do.

    The fact that he won't open up about sex shows he's not comfortable with it. If all he can say is "it's good" bleh, that's boring as fuck. I want a guy who in confident and comfortable talking about sex with me, who can go into detail about exactly what he likes, doesn't like, etc.

    You still need to have a real talk with him.
     
  19. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    While it is unlikely as long as you arent a cow, perhaps he has high standards. Though I doubt it. From my experience with other males, and being a male myself, we'll have sex with just about anything that walks and is sanitary (some dont even care about that) if there are absolutely no strings attached. :mamoru:

    He is in a relationship with you so obviously you are most likely more attractive than the minimum appearance for him to have sex with. Making love, on the other hand, is a different story.

    Which brings up my question, does he enjoy all forms of sexual activity or does he avoid more romantic encounters?
     
  20. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    How else can I talk to him. Every time I get the same input.

    Also, he prefers it to be dark. He is def more shy than me, but we are so, so close!
     
  21. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    If you are attractive then my money is on him actually being gay. Unless he uses alcohol to compensate for other things in his life also. Just seems in this case like the excuse he is giving you for its purpose is bogus/copout

    How out going is he in his normal life? Maybe he is just really really embarrassed about himself and needs all of these things so it doesn't plague his mind
     
  22. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    How can I say it? I don't want to sound conceited, but I know I am not your average chick. I do get a lot of male attention. I want to feel he wants me like that!!! I've had it before :(

    Please define "romantic encounter".
     
  23. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    You immediately suspect closet case from the little bit of information she has given us? :mamoru:

    Though turning off the lights is a little iffy IMO.

    He needs to be more comfortable around you naked. Try getting naked/underwear and doing everyday things around the house with him. Watch movies with out much clothes on. Perhaps, if he is more comfortable being naked around you and you being naked around him then he will become more comfortable having sex with you and the sex will get better and the alcohol wont be needed.
     
  24. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    He is an amazing guy. I mean it. And he doesn't seem to have any issues.
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2008
  25. Kleine Maus

    Kleine Maus New Member

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    He isn't gay.

    Is it possible he has a low libido?
     

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