FRK Sexual Bloopers

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Drunken Karnie Midget, Nov 18, 2007.

  1. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    Everyone who is sexually active has a few of these. Those embarassing moments when something completely off the wall happens. I thought i'd share a couple of mine for some laughs... mostly out of boredom, and a need to ammuse myself without masturbating. Feel free to share your own :bigthumb:



    super oopsie 1: This is a tale from a friend of mine, and the #1 reason you don't give your girlfriend the phone when she's giving you head. The story: Jason (actual name) was receiving a blowjob from his girlfriend, when the phone rang. He was sitting in his chair, right next to the table with the phone, so he thought nothing of it as he answered the call, with the girl still on her knees, balls-on-chin. The phone call was for her, so he passed it down like it was nothing. (this was a common occurance, and it sorta got the two of them hot, knowing they were essentially fucking in public with everyone else none the wiser.) So she's carrying on with the phone call, not even removing his phallus from her mouth, only pausing to utter the occasional "mmh hmmph." At some point during the call, and the strangely muffled replies, the caller must have realized what was happening, and told an incredibly funny joke. The girlfriend laughed, HARD, and couldn't pull back fully before biting down in hysteria. She chomped down on the head of his dick, and he went from a nice, comfortable leaning relaxed position in the chair, to curled up in a ball on the floor, at the far side of the bed... A full 15 feet away. He was there, and crying so fast he might as well have teleported, because he doesn't recall twitching a muscle, nor his feet touching the floor... :bowrofl:

    Blooper #2: Same friend, Jason. The moral of this story, don't say things during sex if you don't want a comparable response. The Tale: Jason and his girlfriend were once again having a wonderfull moment at his place, with some intense doggy style action going on, when he let slip a phrase that he'd never used before, and never intended to use. "Who's your daddy?!" lept from his mouth, with a sharp slap to her ass. Keep in mind, this just slipped out, it was the first time he'd ever said anything so ludicrous during sex with ANYONE.. it was a complete accident. She stopped, and looked back at him, with the smile of an angel on her face. Looking and sounding all of 12 years old, she replied, "you're my daddy..." He deflated instantly, got up, left the room, and put on a horror flick to help take his mind off the sudden peodophiliac moment that had just occured. He has since chosen his "passionate words" VERY carefully. :bowrofl:

    Blooper #3: Myself and my Exwife. The moral: Make sure you time everything correctly. The Tale: My exwife and i were living with some friends at this point in our lives. We slept on a futon in the living room, so obviously we had no private space for our selves. Our only available option was the occasional quickie in the bathroom. On one such occasion, we had just finished up, and she got off of my lap... my dick was BRIGHT RED... she had just started her period, and apparently she started heavy. She was so embarassed she lept into the bathtub (still wet from a friend's shower) slipped, and took a header right back onto the floor. Our friends hear this loud crash, and rush in to investigate, to make sure everyone was ok. There i am, standing there looking shocked, but naked, with everything exposed to the world; and there she is, laying mostly on her neck and shoulders, legs splayed to the sky, and her tender bits looking like a beaten tomato... :rofl:


    Blooper #4: Ex wife and I... Moral: Location, location, location. The Tale: My Ex wife and i were having a night of fun on our bed (queen sized pillow top mattress, box spring, and frame... all told 3' off the ground) and i was behind her. In the throws of our passion we had failed to notice that the sheets had pulled free at 2 corners... the two corners behind us. As we continued, the sheets slowly crept away from their assigned location at the corners, eventually getting between us, completely out from under me. As we neared climax, we never noticed that the edge was creeping closer and closer; i was too busy staring at her ass, and she had her eyes closed. Just as she came, and seconds before i did, the inevitable happened: Her hands reached the edge, and went over. She headplants, and with the extra force provided by my thrusting, she goes ass over tea-kettle and lands on her back three feet away. That last thrust was all i needed, and i nut into open air... which lands square on her cheek, and chin. :rofl::rofl:


    Blooper #5: The last one. Myself, and my current wife. The Moral: Sometimes extreme caution is neccessary, even when engaging in the seemingly mundane. The Tale: Oddly enough, we weren't doing anything to radical, off the wall or strange. Only a slight modification of doggy style... i was on my knees, and she was on hers, but instead i was sitting back on my ankles, and she was essentially sitting in my lap. This position doesn't require a lot of movement, but naturally, as we neared climax our movements became far more pronounced... then the unexpected... she moves forward, and i move back, and we rush back together... in the wrong hole. I freeze instantly, worried that i might have hurt her. She wasn't ready for that kind of thing, and there certainly wasn't any lube involved... The squeek that issued from her mouth meant "owie." I waited, balls deep, to see if she was ok. I didn't want to move for fear of hurting her more... the words out of her mouth after a minute or two, "I'm strangely comfortable with this..." :rofl::rofl::rofl:


    Ok, that's enough bloopers for now, as i've rambled on for far to long on a post that doesn't really have any driving factors behind it... :o
     
  2. Sean92AWD

    Sean92AWD New Member

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    Pretty good stuff man.

    I don't really have anything except me an an EX in my 92 Eclipse. I'm 6'8" and shes about 6' so im a giant and she was pretty tall herself. So were in the car messing around and she gets the idea she wants to screw in the car. Its too cold out to go outside and im trying to tell her i don't think its gonna work im too damn big and my house is less than a mile away. Well she wanted it then and there so i give in. So shes on her back in the pass. seat im on top doin my thing due to he size shes holding her legs up around her head. The next thing i remember is a loud crack then blood everywhere. I guess the old seat had it broke went flying to the back of the car (no rear interior) then when my weight caught landed on the front of the seat sailing her head first into my nose and breaking it and the bottom of the seat into my thigh leaving a gash about 3" long and 1/2" deep. Needless to say at the hospital the Nurse asked alot of questions as to if she beat me since she only had a bruise on her forehead and i had blood all over me.
     
  3. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    :rofl: that just sounds painfull... and a classic example :rofl:
     
  4. Sean92AWD

    Sean92AWD New Member

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    You have no idea. I didnt know wether to laugh at how it happened or cry it hurt so much. Like you said "Location, location, location" and "Sometimes extreme caution is neccessary, even when engaging in the seemingly mundane".
     
  5. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  6. Sean92AWD

    Sean92AWD New Member

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    :h5:
     
  7. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    other than typical slip/falls, misplaced cum, poor word choice, margret thatcher, leg cramps, using alcohol wipes to clean up with?



    sex is funny most of the time. :o
     
  8. Sean92AWD

    Sean92AWD New Member

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    Wow and yes i agree.
     
  9. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    burns soooo much :wtcd:
     
  10. Sean92AWD

    Sean92AWD New Member

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    Yeah i can only imagine.
     
  11. red_fox

    red_fox New Member

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    #1 made me laugh :)
     
  12. dibalicious

    dibalicious sexy crew

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    This morning I woke up rock hard, girlfriend was lying in bed next to me so we fooled around for a bit, got her on top, went in and out a few times with a bit of effort, and then got out of bed and told her I had to grab a condom. I got into the next room, took the condom out of the wrapper, went to put it on, and realised there was a big spot of blood on my hip. I went back into the other room and asked her if she was on her period and she said no, so I asked her to get out of bed for a sec. I flipped the blanket over and there was patches of blood all over it and on the sheets. She looked horrified, went into the bathroom, and came out a few minutes later and told me I somehow ripped her vagina. I didn't really know what to say other than an uncomfortable 'sorry'
     
  13. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    how the hell? that's an odd thing to happen.. :confused:
     
  14. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    :eek3: owie.
     
  15. FifthGear

    FifthGear -

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    margret thatcher?!?! :noes:
     
  16. robbo185

    robbo185 New Member

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    i drive a 92 eclipse and those cars are tiny.....god damn son you must have had some wierd yoga shit going on in there
     
  17. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    a similar thing sort of happened to a friend of mine. She was having sex and afterwards it hurt a lot and was bleeding a bit for a few days. She thought she ripped something or worse so she went to a doctor to get it checked out. THe doctor examines her and just says "sweetie you lost your virginity- you ripped your hymen" But this wasn't the first time she had sex... far from it! So apparently she lost her "virginity" twice!
     
  18. gthesob

    gthesob the fun machine took a shit and died OT Supporter

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    :rofl:
     
  19. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    :rofl: may not have broken the hymen the first time around :dunno:
     
  20. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    One of the first times I was having sex with my current GF we got a little close to the wall and her head started smacking the wall. Of course we didnt stop. By the time we got all finished she had a nice tender spot on top of her head.

    One time after a movie we decided to park behind an abandoned K-Mart just outside of town and have a quickie. Before we know it the windows are fogged up (middle of winter). Next thing we know there is a cop spotlight shining in the back window and a policemen halfway to the vehcle. Luckily we had a blanket to cover her bottom up and I never fully removed my pants.
     
  21. Sean92AWD

    Sean92AWD New Member

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    You have no idea lets just say somehow i made it work till i broke the seat and owned myself.
     
  22. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    there was WAYYYY more than ONE time before this though... Makes me think all of the guys must have been tiny :p
     
  23. Drunken Karnie Midget

    Drunken Karnie Midget In Yeo We Trust, All Others Pay Cash OT Supporter

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    oh... then what the fuck? wait.. were the other guys a little on the short end of the stick? Did they really not get the shaft? i could go on, but i think the horse was dead after the first crack there :mamoru:
     
  24. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

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    lol yeah I edited my first post to say basically the same thing... they must have been tiny
     
  25. RadioPagan

    RadioPagan K-9 Search and Rescue Handler, Ret. Rescue Paramed

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    Blooper One:
    Scene: Brand New, Professonally Installed, King size Bed with an Ornate Iron Frame. Myself and My S/O wanting to "Break It In".
    House Dinamic: My S/O and I were sharing a 2 bedroom House with another couple (Nothing going on between us).They had the room right next to us.
    Blooper: Late that night we get frisky, and we start at it and the bed collapses, jamming one corner down on the floor. So I can't move it back with just my hands; So I grab a hammer and start pounding trying to free that corner.5 min later after pounding steel on steel I get the bed right. The next morning we all meet in the Kitchen and I say "Sorry about the noise last night" And he says..... Your kink is your kink...I was not gonna say anything. ....Ummm What kink is that.....?

    Blooper 2:
    Scene: Same Situation as above Me and the S/O going at it. S/O Being very, very vocal.
    House Dinamic: Hubby of room-mate been playing Everquest ALOT for over a Month.
    Blooper: We get quiet only to hear...."You get off the comuter and come her and Fuck me...If She is getting it ..I want some"
     

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