Sex and exclusivity...need advice

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by drumbandit, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. drumbandit

    drumbandit New Member

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    Well this situation is a first for me, mainly because I'm inexperienced in relationships. I went out with a girl a couple weeks ago and we clicked almost instantly. Knowing my mistakes from previous first dates, I put the moves on her and set everything in motion. Long story short, we had sex one week after our first date. Basically it was prefaced by a lot of dirty talk over text messages throughout the week. We've been hanging out every other day it seems.

    We've never discussed if we were dating other people. I'm not currently, and from my perspective it doesn't seem that she is either. But since we have gotten intimate together is exclusivity a given? We've had sex twice if that matters at all.
     
  2. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    Exclusivity should not be assumed just because you boned. In fact, you should probably assume the opposite until you have a talk about it ;).
     
  3. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    you can talk about it in a quick and easy manner to avoid confusion
     
  4. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Enjoy the sex while it lasts. Let her bring up the relationship talk.
     
  5. fray

    fray New Member

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  6. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    More importantly this. Unless you want to be exclusive just wait for her to say something ;)
     
  7. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    The way I see it you've got 3 choices.
    1. Trust that she's not seeing anyone else, and just wait till she brings up the "what are we" conversation
    2. You bring up the "what are we" conversation. I think the Vag is against this, but I don't think it typically goes wrong if the guy says it.
    3. Buy her a chastity belt. Tell her that it would mean a lot to you if she wore it at all times, and you'll be the only one with a key.
     
  8. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    She likes you enough to use you for sex. Based on her succumbing to sex only a week after a first date tells me that she is in it for the sex and attention at the moment. We know that girls withhold sex from guys that they really really like and see themselves in a relationship with because they don't want the guy to see them as slutty. And this is slutty girls even.

    But it doesn't mean that she can't grow to like you more. So for now you should just continue to hang out with her, continue to have sex with her, and continue to hang out with other women too. If she decides she wants to be in a relationship then she will bring it up indirectly in conversation. But let her bring it up first.
     
  9. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    :ugh: I like how you state something like that as fact. Yes that CAN happen with some women, but just as easily he could be with a girl that doesn't work that way and she's really into him therefore she put out.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    "So, I'm not seeing anyone else, are you?"
     
  11. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    ^^^ seriously. Just bring it up
     
  12. drumbandit

    drumbandit New Member

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    Thanks all!
     
  13. drumbandit

    drumbandit New Member

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    The problem with bringing it up is that I will dig myself into a hole. I think she's a great girl but things haven't progressed to the point where she's the only one I want to see. We've only known each other for a couple weeks.
     
  14. themolsen

    themolsen New Member

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    Oh... then who cares. I guess the answer to your question is No, it's not a given.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Then why did you even make this thread? :uh:

    If you're not being exclusive with her then it doesn't matter if she's being exclusive with you.
     
  16. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    You are an idiot.
     
  17. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    :rofl:
     
  18. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    He's one of the reasons girls continue to hold out on sex. I hate that if I am really into the guy, I have to wait to have sex with him even though I would rather do it sooner than later just in case he might see me as slutty. :hsugh:

    And you know what, it's a two way street, if you aren't gonna hold you you are just as a whore as I am. :mamoru:
     
  19. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    You are an excellent debater. Now stfu and let the adults have a discussion please.
     
  20. PcH

    PcH Guest

    If you want exclusivity, then grow a set and talk to her about it
     
  21. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Maybe he's worried that she IS being exclusive with him and not telling him about it, and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings if she finds out he's not being exclusive with her?

    Some people actually do care about others' feelings like that, but my response to that in this case would be "if you care enough about her feelings that you're guilty about not being exclusive with her, you should either have kept your dick in your pants or you should just be exclusive with her."

    This is exactly why people being so quick to fuck without discussing it/considering the implications first is so damn ridiculous. If you're worried that the person you're going to have sex with might actually consider it more than an emotionless physical act, and you have no intentions of investing emotions into a "relationship" with that person, why in the hell don't you say that right up front? Once it's out in the open, then fuck to your heart's content, but until you've communicated with your partner about expectations don't hop in bed.
     
  22. ForevererZero89

    ForevererZero89 New Member

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    call me old fashioned but when you go out with someone more than once it should be understood that you should not go with anyone else until you break it off.
     
  23. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    you know i kinda wish this was how america worked, but it doesnt.

    time to move to australia
     
  24. Aronomy

    Aronomy Get your COME ON!

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    This brings up a good point, is that really just old fashioned or is that your personality? Haven't there always been players and people with fuck buddies?
     
  25. PcH

    PcH Guest

    I'd say a little of both
     

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