SRS serious relationship, gf broke up with me. never felt pain like this.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by quickone, Jan 30, 2007.

  1. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    If this makes sense im gonna copy what I had written elsewhere. I just can't handle this hurt...

    My girl left me today. We had been together since 2003 and had plans on getting married. Well a few months ago I told her I wanted a break and wasn't sure if i was gonna get back with her. Well my mind changed real quick and I realized what I had and how much I missed her and got back with her. Well today she said pretty much the same thing. she needs to figure herself out shes pretty confused right now and needs to see where things are at with her before she can see where I fit in....if i fit in at all after that.

    The thing is...im the only guy she has ever dated and its been building up in her what else is out there and if im the right one...I had a feeling it might happen but didnt actually think it would. She said if she stayed with me and married me she would always wonder because I would have been the only guy..and she said she cant be completely happy until she knows for sure what shes missing. im hoping she will realize that she misses me after a couple of dates but she said she doesnt want me to put my life on hold and wait because it could take a few months or even years and she doesnt want to see me waste my life being miserable rather than happy.

    She isnt the usual cheating lying girl that I have dealt with in the past. This girl (even now) i completely trust and I know shes not lying to me with anything she has been very honest with me. This is the girl I know I want to spend my life with but unfortunately she isnt sure of it anymore she wants to be sure but doesnt know how long it will be. She needs to figure out whats important.

    She said it would be easier to push the feelings aside and just be with me but she will still always wonder and she wants to have that confidence and i hope (and she says she does too) that it will be with me.

    Im just not sure how to deal with this right now as i've had my share of lying whores as gf's but this girl is different, i've never felt so strongly that shes the one. I guess I don't know why this has to happen. Why couldnt she have been with people beforehand so she had the experience (not talkin about sex or anything shes a strong christian) im just hoping a couple casual dates and hopefully at most its just a few months before she realizes.

    It really sucks too because she comes home this wednesday till sunday I was looking forward to that too.

    Sorry for the long read I just needed a place to vent. (btw for anyone who says shes lying. as my friends know I trust very few people but I know she is being honest with me. she even tells me she has crushes on guys she just meets sometimes but in a day or so they are gone. she also said no matter how in love girls are with their boyfriends they still get crushes on other guys no matter how short they are) idk about that but im sure some of the girls here could provide some input. Shes working with a guy from her class now that she told me she has a crush on but she always does with people and its always over in a day or so and she never thinks twice about it.



    yes we are very close. It sucks though idk how to deal with it, i couldnt even sit here and watch a movie. Normally girls lie/cheat on me and leave and its easy because 1..I wasnt with them that long and 2...they were sluts. But this girl is someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I ate like 3 eggs today thats it lol. But yeah the waiting game SUCKS I know how that is. I just hope she realizes sometime soon that she wants to be with me without a doubt...


    I stopped looking for a relationship and stopped caring when I came across this girl 3 years ago. She is very very upset over this too and she says she hates it and wants to make me feel better but doesnt know how. Shes all torn up about it too and yes she realizes we are best friends she told me that today and wants to see me for coffee or somethin when she comes home on wednesday. Yea I will still talk to her and everything i wasn't mean about this whole thing just upset and when we talked today we still told each other we love each other and she said she will probably be thinking about me all night tonight. I think she does want to be with me but is worried still about what she might be missing if she doesnt go see.

    Im just worried that maybe she will find someone and lose interest in me eventually but I know if that happens theres nothin I can do about it. Im just so sure about her being the one I want to be with I hope she sees that for herself soon. She even told me today theres nothin she wanted more than come hug me. I know she cares and loves me a great deal shes just very confused. Im 22 and shes 20 btw.

    I will try and get together with some of the guys but alot of the ones I hung out with regulary just got girlfriends so they are always tied up with them now. and the guys I hang out with at work usually just go home and smoke and play video games and I really don't want to do that. I especially don't want to do anything like drink or smoke to get away from my problems I just need to get some friends together so I can forget about this for a while. Sitting at my apt at this damn computer all the time is going to drive me nuts and I can't handle that with everything else goin on in my life right now too.

    And yeah relationships aren't what they used to be and thats one of the reasons why I like this girl so much. I trust her completely when she tells me something, I have no reason to doubt what she says, shes not one of those dating around types altho she does want to now but again I can see why being as I was the only guy shes been with. It sucks and I feel helpless in this situation. She told me theres nothin I could have done differently to prevent this. I got work at 6am, took a sleeping pill and still cant sleep lol. But yeah im probably just rambling and not making sense so sorry about that.

    I guess its also not just dating other people but she said shes changed and not sure how but she needs to figure out who she is, whats important in her life and what she wants/needs. So idk...im hoping its not long before she figures it out but it could take a while. Back when I needed a break and I realized within like a week or week an a half that shes the one i wanted definately. It was another month or so before she decided she would go back to me becuase she was goin through the same stuff as she is now but thought the feelings would go away. So if it took a month or 2 before and she still didnt know (she didnt date anyone tho) I have no idea how long it will take now as she doesnt want to even date anyone at the moment because of how upset she is over this. In the future she said casual dates but she doesnt want a relationship with anyone. I jus hope it works out for us.

    3 yrs is a long time and I hope she doesnt just throw it away. If we did get married and this happened I dont think she would have divorced me. Her thing is if you get married thats it...you make it work no matter what you dont get divorced. She txted me this morning and said "I just wanted to let you know im thinking about you Jordan" This doesnt help me very much with trying to deal with everything unless shes saying it meaning shes maybe thinkin about what she did. But i dont think a day is gonna be enough for her.
     
  2. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    She txted me and said she was thinkin about me and i asked what are you thinking about?

    she said "that I wish I hadnt hurt you cause you dont deserve that. I know you love me. I am really glad your as understanding as you are"

    I said " I do understand and i want to give you time to hopefully realize im the one for you"

    she said "thank you. Just dont forget what I said about living life. I dont want you to waste your time. I want you to grow."

    I dont know if shes tryin to politely say its over for good? if so why say she still loves me so much and wishes she could push the feelings of what else there is aside and stay with me but she said she needs to know.
     
  3. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    4,537
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cary, NC
    Hard to say what the texts today meant. And it's also hard to say what this 'break' means. She's 20 and is just starting her life.. and so are you at only 22. Where she is at her point in life and looking forward to all that she has to live, the thought of settling down seems a little off. It's not that she wants to run off and be a whore. She probably honestly loves you but just might not be ready or in the right frame of mind. Regardless, if you guys are meant to be then it will work out. Sorry to have such a pussy reply but at least I read it all. :hs:
     
  4. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for reading it and replying. I know for a long time while we were together we talked of marriage and its what she wanted. I guess I am just so confused about everything right now. I have been with alot of girls and no one compares to her. not even close. I know shes the one I want to be with I think thats why it's bothering me so much. I just wish she saw it. I know she used to be ready to be married and she was in the right frame of mind. I guess I just don't know what happened.

    I hope it works out but I mean unless she tries to stay in contact with me I don't want to be the bothersome one when she wanted her space and everything so I guess it's all her call. I don't think there is anything I could say (or should say I think I should let her figure it out on her own without any contact from me) I just want to call her up so bad and tell her I love her and I wish everything was back to the way it was. I can't even sleep at night. 3rd night now with each night taking a sleeping pill and still my mind races far too much to fall asleep. Never had a problem sleeping before.

    EDIT: I know she has her whole life ahead of her and she wants to travel and see the world and everything I guess I just think that if we love each other...I would be more than happy to travel the world with her. Im just so damn confused.

    Shes been this honest with me so far I guess I have to say that if it was over without a doubt in her mind she would say so but she says she can't predict the future and it could be a few months or few years. I guess I dont see a turnaround in her way of thinking as happening anytime soon but God I wish it would. She could end the pain in a split second if she wanted.
     
  5. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2003
    Messages:
    7,347
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bay Area
    Take a step back and breathe bro. Been there, done that. Your situation is very similar to what happened to me awhile back. Except for me it was an 8 year relationship that ended. Imagine THAT!

    Just take a step back and focus on yourself for once. You've become way too dependant on her, and even yourself, called it off because you felt it. Take a break, with absolutely NO CONTACT. No texting little things here and there, take some time to yourself. This may sounds impossible... but trust me, its for the better. If she gets to the point she misses you so much, she will come right back to you.

    It's almost like a test.

    You seem very uncertain of yourself, how you feel like she is the only one. That's what I thought too at first, but you know what? If she doesn't realize this over time, than don't push it... you WILL find someone who WILL appreciate you just as much as you appreciate her.

    Take this time to focus on yourself, build your self-confidence, it was HER loss.

    YOU can end the pain in a split second if you want too, you just need to pull yourself together.
     
  6. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
    wow this is just like pocketkings thread, except SHE is the one wanting to make sure she hasnt missed out on anything. Go read his thread to see the other side of things.

    Im sorry hun this does really suck for you. If its right, she will realize it really quick (like you did) and talk to you about it.

    For now, keep yourself busy with friends and things you like to do. dont be alone. be strong and go out with friends even if its the hardest thing youve ever done.

    good luck
     
  7. redna

    redna New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2001
    Messages:
    2,614
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's like a disease... same shit I'm going through right now.
     
  8. ay thunderrcat

    ay thunderrcat You can have all the hoes, I'm gon keep the women.

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2004
    Messages:
    14,236
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    THA COV, LA, CA
    hey bro, im sorry to hear that, but maybe there is someone better for you? it may sound cliche, but its very true, get a hobby, try to keep yourself busy, like the guy said before, you have become wayyy to dependant on her, but soon you will be dependant on yourself if that makes any sense. hang out with your friends (if you have any) because they are always there for you, like mine was when i had a breakup in a serious relationship. i know its painful bro, but it'll eventually pass, and if its meant to be, you guys will somehow connect with eachother again, because its happened to me before, but right know i think me and the ex both need to grow, we have a chat every now and then very rarely like months, but thats about it, i stopped being dependant on her and im me for once in my life, my friends are there, and everything is fine, but it does hurt at first, and it eventually passes like i have been saying. sorry about the loss, but hey, one woman's trash is another woman's treasure right? youll find someone, you just wont know when! good luck.
     
  9. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know I need to. She sent me this email last night....any input about it?



    Jordan-

    I wasn't mad tonight, I wasn't ignoring your texts I never heard my phone go off because i was in hte studio all night and it was horribly loud. I am trying to get you to move on I think, but not because I think things are over between us. I realize that this isn't easy to understand because, first of all I barely understand what i'm thinking myself, and second of all we both know i never say what i mean the first 20 times i say something :p What I'm trying to say, I guess, is that I don't know what my life is going to look like in the future and while I'd like to tell you to stick around while i figure that out, I really don't know how long that will take. I can't make promises and I'd like to think that we'll end up back together, for so many reasons. I know that your a trustworthy and reliable man. You work hard and you love me completely. Your stubbern and angry but at the same time I've seen you grow and change and become a stronger more mature man in the last three years. I know you'd take care of me and I know that I love you because whenever i start thinking about the fact that we're not together right now I start feeling like I'll be physically sick. This is really hard for me Jordan, I just want you to know that. Thinking of a future without you is like picturing my life without myself in it. But I feel like this is something I need to do, and I know it sucks and I know you feel helpless right now but in order to be fair to you I can't ask you to wait around for me. I dont' want you to wait around for me. Because if your waiting I'll always feel like I can turn back to you at a moments notice. And if i always have you to fall back on I'll never know what it's like to really have to be myself and figure things out for myself. Plus I think that, as much as I have to figure things out, you need to figure out how to be happy with life without me in it. Not because I'll never be in it again, but because even if I am in it again I can't be that everythign for you. For a long itme I've felt like i can't fail you because I'm the only thing in your life that was really "working." I think that's part of hte reason I was trying to act like things were okay with me when they weren't. I wanted them to be okay because I couldn't deal with sort've blowing up your life. I feel like that's what I've done. I know I've pulled the rug out from under you Jordan but I really think we can each get through this and grow from this and if we're a couple in the future we'll be much happier and have a much healthier relationship because of it. I know that all of this "positive" sounding talk is probably making you want to hit something or making you really upset or making me sound really insensitive. I'm not trying to deminish your pain because I know it's very real and very persistant right now. I dont' know how to tell you to deal with that really except to turn to God with it, how to do that, I don't know exactly. Know that I'm here for you to talk to. And by teh way, you weren't interrupting me earlier, you can always text me. If i dont' answer it's either because I'm in teh middle of something or I just didn't hear my phone, but I'm never gonna be mad that you sent a question as long as you realize i might not answer it right away.

    I hope this helped you more than it hurt you.

    I love you
     
  10. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Likes Received:
    0
    She doesn't sound like a bad or irrational woman. I think you may need to just give her the space to breathe a bit.

    I think there's a hint of information in her message that supports what others have said here...you're a little too dependant on her for your own happiness.

    As much as it hurts, start pulling yourself together. Find out why you can't first be happy with yourself first, then perhaps if this relationship is meant to be it will fit back together again.

    Keep it cool with any responses with her. Keep your composure. Show her that you're the best thing out there not with words, but with the way you choose to act during this situation.
     
  11. fucter

    fucter crappy speller

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2005
    Messages:
    3,030
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    philadelphia
    ITS OVER FOR GOOD
    it probably breaks her heart to do this, but she feels that she needs to. if you can understand and accept that, you will have another girl within weeks, if it upsets you to the point where you just think about her constantly and work/school suffer because of it, well then you need counseling.
    Girls are crazy, if hating her makes you feel better, then hate her, but don't let her know you hate her.
    She really seems to be trying to be nice about this, I think you should appreciate that fact.
    I had a girl that more or less wanted out of the relationship, so she slept with all my freinds so that I would find out and break up with her. long story short, i moved 300 miles away and have a new set of freinds.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Reread that part. Say you marry this girl. Is that what you want in a wife? Do you want YOUR wife to get crushes on OTHER men?

    I'll reply to the rest of your post, later, when I have a bit more time, but I wanted to at least post this much right now.
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    PS. almost the same thing happened to me with my ex.
     
  14. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    to me a crush means u want to be with someone secretly but thats not how she means it. shes means it more of thinking a guy is cute, thats how she means this. and guys...even if you love your girl to death do you not ever look at another woman and say damn shes cute? doesnt mean you would act on it.
     
  15. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't think she means its over for good. I think if she honestly knew it was. she would say so. If you re-read some parts she says how she wants to be with me and hopes our future ends up being with each other for so many reasons but right now shes just confused so im just going to give her her space and as someone else said..show her how u are with how you act. I can say I acted a little dependant the first day or so but I never got mad and I stayed calm and nice to her and told her i still loved her and cared about her. She still loves me too I know that. If she didnt she wouldnt tell me or be as upset as she was.
     
  16. Crush

    Crush Epidural hematoma up in this bitch

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    4,778
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chapel Hill, NC
    If you two ended on good terms, which it seems that you did, there is definately a chance down the road for a rekindled relationship.

    In the sage words of Marcus Fenix: "It ain't over baird, you'd better reload."
     
  17. pocketkings

    pocketkings New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    197
    Likes Received:
    0
    dude i am in her shoes right now, expect we are trying to work on things. she is lucky to have you. if i told my GF that i needed time etc, i dont think should would be so open to wait for me.

    good luck and date other girls. i know its tough at first, but it will help alot. it will show you are strong and are not reliant. also dont talk to her. once a month at the most. tell her it is for the best, either you are together or apart.

    if you do take her back, dont do it right away. you will look like a push over. you should have some conditions laid out.
     
  18. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    What sort of conditions? Also Im not sure if I should talk to her or not. I mean if she contacts me then I wont ignore her but im not going to try to contact her. I think if i stop talking to her then it might possibly make things worse? Like if shes around everyone else at campus and never hears from me it may be easier that i may slip from her mind. I know i was with her for 3 1/2 years and I know if she really loves me that wont happen but I feel like if I do stay in contact with her (at least when she contacts me however often that may be, since she did say she wants to be here for me and that she wants me to be able to talk to her if i need someone to talk to) then I will be more fresh in her mind.

    EDIT: If it comes time to when she wants to come back I am going to make sure that shes for real and that there is no more doubt in her mind before I will take her back because I cannot and will not go through this again. It's too much.

    BTW to people who say its over for good. Shes been very honest with me and once again last night i asked if it IS done and over to please please tell me. and she replied with the last email I posted above. So it is not definite that its over. and for who asked...yes we did end on good terms (as good as can be) wasnt any fighting/cheating/lieing...so yeah I guess it was good terms.
     
  19. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't know if she will realize it quickly as she still has to find dates to go on first before she will realize I hope. Even then she may like the qualities the guys have and go on more and then when she gets to know them more maybe she will realize or hopefully right away maybe she will feel what I felt when I was with other girls and that was that it just simply...didn't feel right. I felt that it should be my girl in this girls place and no one else.

    EDIT: BTW where is pocketkings thread? I couldnt find it.
     
  20. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0

    this is a lame statement. crushes happen. it doesnt mean it will lead to cheating. its part of being human.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2007
  21. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2007
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    0
  22. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    True....Possibly less often as you get older and older? I dont know but it happens to everyone.
     
  23. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2004
    Messages:
    8,090
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonds, WA
    When I was with my GF, I NEVER had crushes on anyone else. I loved her, I was with her...why would I develop feelings for other people? And I expect that from my SO.

    I agree with the statement...if you're in a relationship, I don't think it's very healthy if you're going around getting crushes on other people and having some sort of feelings towards them.
     
  24. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think she meant not like developing feelings for someone but more like she simply thinks they are cute and she doesnt really think twice about it except she had been workin on a project with a guy she kinda had a crush on but said after the project she prolly wont think twice about him.
     
  25. quickone

    quickone New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2004
    Messages:
    4,179
    Likes Received:
    0
    well she called me up and had a normal conversation with me about her class and how she was up all night working on project blah blah (didnt sound any diff really than from when we were together) and shes on her way home from school sometime today till sun or mon and she said i'll see ya at some point. my mom just thinks shes confused which I think to but I hope she realizes what a good guy I am and I realize all my flaws and im working pretty hard on fixing them not just for her but for me too.
     

Share This Page