Serious question about engagement.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Master Shake, May 24, 2005.

  1. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    I didn't want to post this in the main forum due to how cynical those people are. Anyways my question is I'm going to a race with my SO and her dad/step mom in august and I planned on asking him if I had his blessing to get engaged to my SO on our 1 year New Years day, also planned on talking to her mom one on one as well. Am I doing the right thing asking her parents and explaining to them that we'll be engaged til she at least gets out of school or is in her junior year?


    Sorry fo rmy grammar errors, this is really nerve racking :hs:
     
  2. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    Oh and I meant junior in college...she starts this fall so that's about 2-3 years away:o
     
  3. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Asking permission is always a noble and respectful thing to do. If you think this is the right decision, go for it. I would say wait til she is out of college to get engaged, or atleast closer to that time. Let the relationship flourish then talk to her parents. Chances are they will be more comfortable with givin away their daughter the longer you both have been happliy together. No need to rush into the ring, your SO inst goin anywhere. :) best of luck
     
  4. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    She is the one thinking about it more then me:hs: I've thought about it as well...I mean I'm seriously head over heels for this girl and she is the best girl I've ever dated/been committed to. But I'll take what you said into consideration..Thanks:)
     
  5. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    ack! :uh: why do girls do this to themselves? i'm not saying she is, but it seems as though you're jumping the gun because she's concerned about it.

    :rolleyes: there is much more to life :)o imo anyways... maybe i'm the only girl out there that thinks so) than getting married. you need to get all your ducks in a row before making that sort of commitment, and finishing your education would be one of those ducks ;).

    if you're going to go through with this plan, then i wish you the best. however, i would ask yourself if this is what you really want right now, or are you doing it to please your woman, and perhaps, not risk losing her? it's great that you're head over heels for her, but that doesn't mean you have to start planning the wedding right now. if you want to get engaged right now, what's going to be wrong with 3-4 years from now? :dunno:
     
  6. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    Nothing wrong with 3-4 years from now to me..to her she's very impaitent I guess. I've told her I want her to finish college and not have much to worry about. We can both see each other staying together for a long time...long long time. Honestly our relationship is great, no arguements no days we hate each other..none of that. I'm already in commitment with her, I don't want any other girls only her. But yeah she's really really into me as I am her, but I'm going to tell her that we should wait til she graduates so she can focus on getting that done and what not. I'm not really jumping the gun, I was sure I'm going to marry her about 2 months ago:mamoru:

    But yeah..I'm just going to talk to her about things and go from there, but I guess I'll have to do what is best for me and what I want from this.
     
  7. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    I guess I could just get her a promise ring til she graduates or something:dunno:
     
  8. Shelby500

    Shelby500 New Member

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    it wouldnt hurt to try i always say.
     
  9. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Wait your 1 yr anniversary next new years? so in other words you 2 havent even been together 6 months? If thats the case you better be ready with answers when you talk to her parents...they have known her all her life and uve been there for not even 1/2 a year, do you really think they are going to have good things to say about that?

    Getting engaged in college isnt a bad thing, or even before if you KNOW somebody extremely well. You could have spent every moment of every day with this girl this year...you still dont know her well enough to marry her.

    You seem to know this because you plan a long engagement...whats the point of that? If you ask someone to marry you, you should be ready to do it right then and there...long engagements should only be for those who want big weddings and need the time to plan them. If you are so sure you 2 are in love, there is no reason the engagement cant wait for a few more years.
     
  10. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    chica ur not the only girl that thinks that way :wiggle:
     
  11. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    Very very good points..but shes the one worried about it more then I am:hs: I don't want to rush it because I kind of want to be stable money wise before we even go down that road. Her parents are actually really cool and enjoy me:o Her dad was hella impressed with me..in his own words "I'm impressed" He even said she had his blessing:mamoru:

    I don't think I "know" anything honestly I was just going with my heart, but maybe I need to go with my brain for now...Long engagement may not be what we want to do, but no matter how much we think about it we always talk about being married to each other..we honestly feel like we already are:hs:

    Our one year is jan 1st of 06..But yeah maybe like I said I should go with my brain this time instead of my heart, they both want different things. I don't know her all that well yet, but I know enough:o But thanks for bringing up some things:)
     
  12. hi2u2

    hi2u2 New Member

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    thats so awesome you want to ask her family, thats so respectable, her family must be important to her then, and its so awesome that you care for them that way
     
  13. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    The fact that its been only 6 months is REAALLY scary bud. Relationships could feel perfect and BE perfect for the first few years... you don't really get to know someone until later... I highly suggest you take your time, take a step back, and make sure... you're both blinded BIG TIME at the moment, don't rush into marriage, thats not what its there for. I suggest IF ANYTHING, live together for a few years (as if you were married), see how things go, then reevaluate the situation and decide then. BUT PLEASE DONT JUMP THE GUN AFTER 1 YEAR.
     
  14. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    Her mom said we can't live together til she graduates:ugh: But the GF planned on getting her own place her 2nd year of college. I mean one thing she won't be living under her moms roof so I don't think she'll have to do what her mom says if she wants a place of her own.
     
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    from what i gather:

    you are fresh out of hs
    you have a lot of college to get through
    you two have been together for about 6 months
    you are financially unstable, probably living at home.

    ok, i dont think i can stress how much college changes most people. yes, i know people who were hs sweethearts who made it work and now are married, but most dont, regardless of how much in love they are. sucks, i know, but thats life.

    furthermore, between sophmore year in hs and senoir year in college, i seriously considered marriage 3 times (got engaged twice) and thought i was 'in love 4 or so times. looking back, im glad i didnt. yes, i loved those guys, but we werent right for each other, and only time will tell, so you must give it enough. the point being, its a process of self discovery...and takes time.

    6 months is still in honeymoon phase. granted, i know people who got engaged aftera 3month courtship, and are still happily married 30 years later, but i think for most people it takes longer to make such a descison. most marraiges end in divorce these days, and i think thats bc people have this 'to do' list mentality of life.

    get your life together. get your degree, move out on your own and take respsonibilties that youll have to have in marriage (utilty bills, grocery shopping, cooking cleaning, medical care, car payments/insuance, etc). life is mundane and tedious, and i think it would be benificial for you to experience this solo before you have the added stress of a partner.

    you need to think about what your values are, morally, religously, financially, career, domestic.... and how she feels about those things and if you two are really compatible. chances are, if you have only been courting for 6 months, then you havent stopped to think about a joint financial plan or where you anticipate living in 5 years. sorry to be so pestimistic, but thats life and there is a lot more to life than just love. if one person wants to invest in their 401k, and the other wants to invest in shoes or cars, problems arrise.

    on a postivie note, good of you to ask permission, and glad to hear you are gonna wait till after college to actually tie the know. dont get too hung up on deadlines, they are abstract. also, id do it over dinner or something...a race really isnt too classy.... (unless its the preakness or something)
     
  16. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    I've been out of HS since 2001:hsugh: So that's out..we aren't HS sweethearts.
     
  17. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    I've already given thought to where I want to live, where I want to pursue a job...I've pretty much planned the next 3 years of my life as I sit here. I'm not in college currently, but will be once I get a job, I'll end up working full time and going to school AND balancing her...It won't be easy but I'll work it out with her. We don't really have a deadline, she wants to get married no sooner then her 21st Bday, but wouldnt mind being engaged while she's in college.

    I've given this some though not just suddenly but over the course of my past relationships this one is my longest..I plan on keeping it that way as well. Sure I don't know "a lot" about her but I know what we both want from each other currently. I'll just think about it some more..that's all I can do. But I'm going to have a job come july/august for sure, and plan on eventually moving to the town she's going to college in and getting a job, working and save up my money for a few years so that way I have money and yet I can still be STABLE.
     
  18. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    But I know where I stand on myself...It's just I need to put a few things of the "HER" factor into my inventory and evaluate it from there.
     
  19. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    It kinda sounds like you already have your mind set on a one way path. Not sure what you came in here and posted for...
     
  20. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    One way path? Hardly:hsugh: If you think so by the

    1. me getting a job in july/august
    2. Saving money and moving close to her
    3. Going back to college
    4. Graduating from college and hopefully obtaining a good job after that...

    Then no I don't think I'm on a one way path..unless you're refering to her?
     
  21. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Chica, again, if you're ever looking for someone..... give me a call, I think I fall more head over heels for you everytime you post. :wavey:

    I've actually thought the exact same thing as your last line....

    "If it's so right now, why can we not wait a few years, it should still be right then."
     
  22. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    The fact that this is one of your longest relationships is reason to worry....

    Less than 6 months and you're already contemplating marriage? I mean yeah mariage is a noble thing (at least some people see it that way), but take the time to let the relationship develope, to search and learn.

    You have yet to experiance what a relationship is about, there will be disagrements, days when you would rather be single, etc, this is normal, if not, then something else is wrong with the relationship.

    In my past relationships, a couple lasting over 3 years (which is a long time relativly speaking, I'm 28), both of those long reationships started great. for the first 6 months to a year, it was bliss, then things tapered out, or leveled off, depending on how you want to look at it. Somewhere around the 2.5 to 3 year mark, they fizzled. Yeah I also told myself these relationships were going to last each time I got into them.
     
  23. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    no im referring to your original question of if its a good idea to talk to parents about engagement.. etc..etc..

    pretty much everyone said no to getting married early on, to not rush into things, yet you are still gonna do it regardless.. so im just wondering what you wanted to hear from us. :dunno:
     
  24. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Just for the record.... Everyday my relationship changes, unexpected things happen, he changes, I change, needs change and situations change. Its hard to plan so far in advance somethin that is still growin and forever changin. No one knows what the future holds for their relationship, but I think what people are tryin to say is, at this point in both of your lives, there is alot of uncertainty and it may be premature to be so certaint about what the next few years hold for you, her, the realtioship and life in general. Enjoy you time together, grow together, then plan the rest of your lives.
     
  25. Master Shake

    Master Shake Guest

    I hope none of you are refering to her meeting a new guy at campus and dropping me:o
     

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