Serious question about dying and bodyfat

Discussion in 'Fitness & Nutrition' started by The Grid, May 8, 2009.

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  1. The Grid

    The Grid OT Supporter

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    A buddy of mine thinks he may die soon and wants to be absolutely shredded for his funeral (it's open casket). He's always been the huge bulky type guy (he's 287lbs at ~17%BF). He's inviting a ton of people to his funeral, including ex gf's and some other hot chicks he just met, and want their jaws to hit the floor when they see him at 4% bodyfat. He's worried that when he dies he will lose a lot of his gains and his muscle will breakdown and fade away.

    He wants to know if he will end up looking all watery and bloated by the time the funeral starts? He's thinking the quickest he can have the funeral is 72 hrs after his death

    He's also worried about his tan fading by the time the funeral starts but I told him it should be fine and if it fades I can rub some bronzer on him.
     
  2. erok81

    erok81 All your canyons are belong to me!!

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    Aren't you usually drained when the funeral comes around?

    Have him pay the funeral place more to make him look good. If they can make gun shot to the face victims look like nothing happned, I am sure they can make this dude chisled...or sharpened, whichever you prefer.

    Kind of weird though.
     
  3. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    Are you fucking serious?
     
  4. Bacchus

    Bacchus Skinny Guy

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    Don't see what difference it would make if he's 4% or 12% if he's clothed :\

    I mean, if it was open casket and no shirt - sure...but would they do that?

    I'm not a mortician - but i'm pretty sure there are incisions made, and stuff.
     
  5. planeh

    planeh Guest

    that is creepy as fuck, and i've heard some creep stuff.
     
  6. NUDES

    NUDES New Member

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    This is one of the most ridiculous but awesome posts I've ever seen on the internet. :rofl:
     
  7. kopetzki

    kopetzki Banned

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    :bowrofl: this is seriously the best post ever posted on a message board
     
  8. Lukkie

    Lukkie OT Supporter

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    where'd you c+p this from
     
  9. kopetzki

    kopetzki Banned

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    :squint: @ nudes
     
  10. Bacchus

    Bacchus Skinny Guy

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    from http://www.dartefuneralhome.com/Embalming_-16913.html


    small incisions only!
    as long as he's okay with that, i guess he'll be good.
     
  11. zdsquared

    zdsquared OT Supporter

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    how long is he giving himself to get to 4%?
     
  12. erok81

    erok81 All your canyons are belong to me!!

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    Why is he dying? He isn't very bright is he?


    Edit...have the funeral director peel the dudes skin off, scrape off all fat, then you can apply the pro tan or whatever its call. Insta zipped.
     
  13. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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  14. knucks

    knucks Active Member

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    fucking troll
     
  15. BAC_311

    BAC_311 New Member

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    Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.


    Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.


    When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:


    M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.


    along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."


    This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one.
     
  16. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    this is disturbing i hope its not true
     
  17. smb is me

    smb is me New Member

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    I think the article posted yesterday about body builders having OCD is ridiculous.
     
  18. smb is me

    smb is me New Member

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    c'mon, this can't be real.

    Hey, nice to meet you, i gotta admit, i'm really digging you. would you like to come to my funeral.

    yeah, that wouldn't be a turn-off or send up red flags at all.
     
  19. Patrick Bateman

    Patrick Bateman Active Member

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    what the fuck. im creeped out.
     
  20. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    what in the FUCK.....
     
  21. CrackityJones

    CrackityJones OT Supporter

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    :ugh: at the serious responses and questions in here.
     
  22. evolude

    evolude OT Supporter

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    .
     
  23. Thelonius

    Thelonius New Member

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    hahahah
     
  24. Helios

    Helios New Member

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  25. loading

    loading OT Supporter

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    :rofl::rofl: :werd:
     
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