SRS Serious insecurity and depression issues

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Jay487, Feb 7, 2008.

  1. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    I feel like this post might belong in the vaginarium but the female mods there are pretty insensitive to this issue and would just lock the thread so, I'm posting here.

    I'm generally pretty shy, especially about this issue so I've been reluctant to make a post about it but I feel like I'm at rock bottom here, so theres not much to lose.

    Long story short, I've always been insecure about certain things. A lot of people are. I was pretty overweight in my highschool years, but a few years later now and I've lost 50 pounds and I no longer have a physical insecurity about my weight. One thing that I haven't been able to overcome, and dont think I ever will, is insecurity about my package. I guess I'm a little below average, but this is something that bothers me beyond anyones imagination and its on my mind 24/7. Like literally every minute of every day. I feel like I could break down into tears at any moment of the day over it. I feel like I can't live and enjoy life as I should because of this, and I need to do something about it. (I had the same issue about my weight, so I lost the weight. I cant exactly go out and grow a bigger penis, so I feel hopeless.)

    My dating life is certainly affected by it. I was a virgin until I was 20 simply because I am so insecure about it that I never made the initiative to have sex. The two girls I've had sex with didn't laugh in my face or get out of the bed and go home the second she saw it as I had presumed, but I had also at somepoint in my relationship with them confronted them about my insecurity so anything they've ever said to me, I don't believe, simply because I feel like they just wouldnt want to hurt my feelings. Every time theres a reference to penis size, like a joke in a movie or TV show, it just takes me down another notch.

    You ever sneak in somewhere youre not supposed to be, or sit in front row seats to an event when you paid for nosebleeds? This is how I feel about life, and around females. I cannot get over the feeling that I am not good enough. I don't even bother conversing with females because its like, well even if I ended up dating this girl or brought her home to have sex, shed probably leave me after that anyways so whats the point? Hearing girls talk about loving big dicks and making fun of small ones and saying how much size matters, its like how am i NOT supposed to feel completely useless and not good enough if i'm not hung? I feel as though I will never have a wife and kids, because no woman would ever want to be with me since I dont have a good sized package. Or even if she did stay with me, shed just secretley cheat on me to get satisfied.

    I think about this so much that it makes me depressed. Emotionally, I have too much heart. I give myself away easily and would do anything to please someone/make someone happy that I care about. And since I dont feel that I can do that sexually, it bothers me that much more.

    Ive had a few short relationships, and every time things end, for ANY reason, I dont believe that reason and presume its because she wants a bigger dick. I feel like its almost a fixation. I feel like I'm not even doing anything for the female I'm fucking, and I can't even have an orgasm because I'm so fixated on that. The thought of someone I've slept with having sex with a bigger guy infuriates me, because its like why would she possibly want to have sex with me after that? Obviously shes going to enjoy someone bigger THAT much more..

    I dont know what to do here. Maybe I need to be on some kind of medication to control my thoughts? I just feel like theres no way I will ever overcome this, and never enjoy life.

    I dont know, any input is appreciated. Thanks.
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2008
  2. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Check your Pm's :)
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Perhaps you should seek professional help.

    Look...anything we focus on or obsess about will drive us nuts and yes, we can be overly concerned about ANYTHING and it's never healthy. Sure you wish you were bigger but currently there isn't much you can do about it.

    However, if you're enterprising enough, you can take that negative energy your building up about this feature of your body and do something with that energy.....like researching implants or developing solutions to help other guys like you.

    Wait....you don't think you're the only one with this issue do you?? Well if so, wake up. Plenty of guys would like to be bigger....just like plenty of women wanted bigger breasts but there weren't options available until recently (like the last 30 or so years).

    Ok...so you're not a doctor. So fucking what. Do something to address your issues and you may find that they are easier to live with. And you never know....you just might stumble onto something that others had overlooked.

    People thought Henry Ford was a fool for creating the horseless carriage. Now look at how addicted we all are to our cars. People said, "if man were made to fly, we would have been born with wings" and many people believed them....yet The Wright Brothers didn't buy into all that shit and now we take flying for granted.

    They point is, don't let anyone limit your thinking and you just might surprise yourself.
     
  4. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    I do appreciate your response. I do want to comment on this, however. I hate when girls try to compare it and say "well theres guys out there that only date girls with big breast or that guys want girls to have big boobs"

    First off, if a guy only dates girls with big breasts, or even cares about a womens breasts size, thats so shallow and petty in my opinion. A male gets NO physical stimulation from a woman's breasts (other than touching them or something, but a woman does not insert her breasts into a man. We do not rate a sexual experience due to how big woman's breasts are...)

    penis size on the other hand is a different issue.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Many guys would strongly disagree with your point.

    Me personally, I enjoy breasts but I've never NOT dated/slept with a girl because of her breast size.

    The main thing tho is that you're absolutely missing the point of that part of my post. The reason I included that was due to the the fact that many women felt inadequate with smaller breasts. Well someone went out and figured out how to solve that problem. You can be that someone for smaller endowed guys.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    So what size are you? Are you average but insecure about it or are you actually way below average?

    Edit-nevermind, I found your posts in the vag about it. My ex was around that size and I still got off almost every time :dunno: You should seek counseling though because this is about way more than just the size of your cock. I saw all the other threads you made and every one of them relates back to this. You can't even get off during sex because you are so concerned about it and you won't just let yourself enjoy it. I'm sure the reason your past relationships ended was because you were so insecure and the girls couldn't deal with it anymore. How can you expect a girl to like you when you don't even like yourself?
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2008
  7. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    how do you figure? It has everything to do with that.

    and I feel like I'm pretty below average.



    How am I expected to like myself when all I hear from girls mouths is how much it matters, how they've "walked out" on guys before, and how much better sex is with a big dick. I've seen girls get treated like animals but they stay with a guy because hes hung. Essentially its the backbone of a relationship to 99% of women that I've encountered, thus I have zero respect for them.
     
  8. tqpolo

    tqpolo ***** Platinum Member OT Supporter

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    I think you are taking this issue too seriously.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    No, you are just using that as an excuse. You said you have always been insecure about things. First you used the weight as your excuse but now you can't use that anymore so you had to focus on something else. Are you going to spend the rest of your life hiding and making excuses for why you can't live your life the way you want or are you going to take that first step and do something about it? (by about it I mean getting help for your insecurities) There are plenty of guys who are your size or smaller but they don't let that stop them from meeting girls. I used to know a guy whose cock was seriously about the size of a small finger but he always acted very confident and had no trouble getting chicks. Those guys are still confident in themselves so there is no reason you can't be too.

    How would you even know what would be average? Do you spend lots of time in men's locker rooms comparing sizes? I doubt you really have that much of an idea besides things you hear people say which really don't mean much.

    I highly doubt you really hear that much about it and if you do then stop hanging out with those type of chicks. I'm a chick and I've never even heard another chick saying they had walked out on a guy before. Do you constantly bring up the subject with every women you meet so you can feed your insecurities even more? And what do these chicks look like who say this? Are they only the perfect looking chicks or are they average women?

    You tried to say that women will compare it to how men are about boobs but actually it's more like how men are about looks in general. Men focus on looks so much, see other threads around here for examples. They won't talk to chicks that aren't up to their standards in looks, they wonder if they should dump a girl so they can date someone hotter, they complain about every flaw they can find, they only want to sleep with the hottest women, etc. A woman's looks don't effect sex anymore than penis size does (assuming you fall into the average range which you do). Guys will stay with a chick and let her treat him like dirt just because she's hot, the same way you say girls do with guys with big dicks. Lots of people stay in shitty relationships for all sorts of dumb reasons.

    Do you think I should stop dating men because I don't have a perfect supermodel looks/body? If I follow your logic then I would be thinking that no man would ever want me and anytime one does like me he will just leave me later when a better looking chick comes along. Is that how you feel with women? If you find a girl you really like will you leave her as soon as a better looking chick shows any interest in you? I would hope not and if you do feel that way then this post is pointless. When you love someone you accept them for who they are even though you may wish a few things were a little different. Also with the penis thing, girls don't know what size you are right away. If you take the time to date a girl and get to know her before sleeping with her then she is already going to like you for who you are so she's not going to run away because of your penis.

    Also remember that women's vaginas vary in size too. You will not be sexually compatible with every woman you meet and there's nothing you can do about that. You may be too small for one woman or her vagina may not be tight enough for you. Some guys are too big to fit in their women at all or it hurts every time they have sex. If you aren't compatible sexually then the relationship won't work and it's time to find someone else. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with YOU if things don't fit right though.

    And yes women talk about cock size with each other, it's the same as the way guys have their locker room (or the main forum) talk. People will make exagerrated (sp?) statements and say things but it's not necessarily how they will act in real life. Sure, I like looking at big cocks and if they aren't so big that it hurts then it feels good during sex. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy sex with a smaller one. I never once thought of dumping my ex for a guy with a bigger cock. As long as I can still get off then I'm fine. It's not something worth ending a great relationship for. The most important part of having great sex for women is the emotional connection. As long as you can reach what you need to (which you can) then focus more on developing a great relationship, which will make the sex so great that she won't want to leave.


    God I feel like Metallic Blue here :hsugh: :mb: :rofl: I could prolly ramble on longer but I have to go to work now :o I think this is the first time I've made a post that long without using any smilies (until the end) :run:
     
  10. richbitch1

    richbitch1 Peace OUT!!

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    if a person TRULY loves you then it involves more than just sex. Also sex is only good if you care about the person you are having it with...if they care about you then they won't care because they love YOU, not the sex you can provide for them relationships (at least good ones) should not be based on sex alone. Anyone who loves you should love every inch of you (no pun intended) and as long as you work hard to make sure she is satisfied, then size really does not matter.
     
  11. Fotenks

    Fotenks New Member

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    So I'm asian..... yeah.

    Trust me, I had the same issue. When I lost my virginity.... I remember taking off my pants in front of the girl.... just terrified..... "oh my god shes gonna make fun of my small penis" but after we were all done she said I was the best lay she ever had..... pretty good compliment for my first time.

    My current g/f says she's had some huge guys.... but she says I've fucked her better than they ever did.... she makes jokes a lot about how she's only with me just for the sex :rofl:

    Man..... the vag has a lot of good info in the faqs on how to please a girl. Seriously, read up, apply, the girls will be impressed.
     
  12. richbitch1

    richbitch1 Peace OUT!!

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    i can agree with what he says...but at the same time if she truly is only after a big dick then you don't need her. Its called making love not trying to knock the bottom out...lol...if the couple truly loves each other their sex will be good no matter how big or small.
     
  13. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    The weired thing is I've never been told I was bad in bed, in fact my last s/o told her friend I was "good in the sac" - but its still something that eats at me - maybe watching too much porn? You never see an average or below average guy in porn. (or rarely) I think the thought of a girl taking a big dick turns me on (because it turns the girl on) and since I cant do that it bothers me :dunno:
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2008
  14. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    I apologize if I was misleading, the point I was trying to make is that it was something I didn't like about myself, and that hindered my social/sexual life, so I did something about it, and it was the greatest decision I could have made. This subject however, there is nothing I can do about it, which is what sucks. I'm the type of person that would bend over backwards for someone that deserves it, or do anything for someone, such as a s/o. In this area, I feel like I can't offer what is desired and therefore am not good enough because I cannot provide something of such importance.


    Aside from porn, which I feel like a spec of sand compared to those guys, just hearing girls talk about it, and most importantly the fact that a condom is generally too big for me.

    Nope, its not something I bring up unless I felt there was a reason to. I've sat in on a few "girl" conversations with female friends, apparantly they felt comfortable enough around me to have these, and hearing some of the things they said made it one of the hardest things to sit through in my life. Like I said I'm the type of person that would do anything for someone I care for, so having an overwhelming feeling of inadequecy and not being good enough is all that I think about when girls rave about it.

    As far as what these girls look like, everyone's opinion is different, I can show you pictures if you'd like. They certainly don't have any trouble getting men. Id say out of the 2 in particular I'm talking about, one is very good looking and the other is average to below average ( I mention her in my next paragraph)


    Well, I can only speak for myself on this subject, but I certainly don't focus on looks. The last girl I was with, in complete honesty, I was not attracted to her at all when I first met her. But after spending time with her and getting closer to her, not only did I fall in love with her personality and who she is, but she became physically attractive to me. I dont know how to describe it but I can honestly say I saw her in a different light, and I desired her and was attracted to her in every way possible.
     
  15. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    I agree but I don't think I could ever talk about this face to face with anyone, and I also feel like there's nothing that could really make anything better aside from surgery. :sad2:
     
  16. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    So you have an issue that is affecting many different aspects of your life and you agree that you should prolly seek professional help in dealing with it, yet you're going to let your embarrassment about that very issue keep you from finding help?? Hmmm ok....guess you like to play the victim role in life huh??

    I usually tell people like you when I'm face to face with them, "Get down off the cross, we need the wood."
     
  17. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    :eek3: :eek2: :rofl: Ziiiing. I've never heard that, but wow- I plan on keeping that one in mind. That'll keep you in check...
     
  18. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    lol that's kind of the reaction I get IRL also.
     
  19. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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  20. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I used to be as insecure about it as you are dude.

    Your issue probably isn't about your dick size, even though that's the thing you focus on and obsess about.

    What were your parents like? What was your childhood like? How did your friends treat you growing up? Any siblings? If so, how was your relationship with them?

    I'm searching out, here, for any moment in your life where you were ridiculed for something that was beyond your control. Where someone made you feel like shit for something that you had ZERO control over. Anything come to mind?

    Anyways, about size. I'm not sure exactly how big it is down there. Maybe it'll make you feel better to know that there are other people like you out there? I have like an inch soft. But when it's hard it gets to almost 5 inches. From what society would tell you, I am small.

    But I was able to please my ex-wife. :dunno:

    The last girl I dated made a big issue out of it, but she was pretty much a whore. She told me that she needs a guy with 7 inches or more. And honestly, it didn't get to me.

    When you begin to focus on the fact that you aren't going to be sexually compatable with everyone you meet, and that society makes such a big deal about dick size BECAUSE of the insecurity, you will start realizing that if you can't please a girl because of your size, then so what? Out of 3 billion girls on the planet, you'll be fine for at least a handful of them. :dunno:

    Make up for it in other areas. Get good at oral sex. Try different positions. Don't be so paralyzed by your insecurities and fear that you can't focus on just ENJOYING SEX.

    That's where I am at right now. All my life I have spent focusing on pleasing the girl (the girl who made an issue with my size supposedly orgasmed--whether she was faking it or not, I really don't know or care) that I have neglected getting what *I* want. I have decided that from now on, I am going to just go and enjoy sex. Do my thing and have fun with it. That's what it's there for! It's not some huge fucking competition that society tries to make it out to be. lol It's supposed to be fun.

    Make a conscious effort just to have fun with it and not worry about pleasing her. Keep the goal of "cumming" (for her or for you) out of your head while doing it and just enjoy the act itself.

    And seek professional help about this. The issue here probably isn't your dick size. The issue here has to do with the way key people in your life have treated you in the past.
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :bowdown:

    I'm proud of you.
     
  22. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    Normal, married, both work, nothing out of the oridinary. Childhood the same, always had close friends, pretty textbook childhood I'd say. One sibling, older sister, fought more when we were younger like most but were both over 20 now and we get along fine.

    Yes... this exact subject! For the very reasons you listed are the very reasons its so frustrating and bothers the shit out of me. Pretty much impossible to feel good enough for anyone after someone basically tells you you're not good enough, because of something like this.
     
  23. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Honestly, if a girl has made fun of you for your size, then she's probably more insecure than you are.

    Secure, confident people don't feel a need to put someone down on things that they can never change.

    These women are the scum, not you man. When you start realizing that, you can begin to start facing the insecurity and moving past it.

    The cold truth is that there is NOTHING you can do about it. Absolutely nothing. Having the insecurity is going to sabotage your "skill" sexually and bring about the very results you fear. But facing that insecurity, moving past it, and relaxing and focusing on enjoying yourself will bring you AND HER much greater pleasure.

    Sure, some people are going to reject you based on their size. At the end of the day, though, there's nothing you can do about that.
     
  24. Jay487

    Jay487 What's Life If You Ain't Enjoyin' It?

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    And here's where my inevitable "glass is half emtpy" thinking comes in... even with all these good intended words, the thing I pick out is that were almost the same exact size, and you've mentioned your last SO made a big deal out of it, and I also caught the word EX-wife. I certainly do not mean this personally, but if you read my intial post, youll notice that I felt marriage would be a near impossiblity due to my size, and again I mean this with no offense at all but that kind of goes hand in hand with my initial fears, know what I mean?
     
  25. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    In that case I take offense that we're the same size and you think we're small to the point that we can't have a long term relationship.:rofl:

    Yeah, I realize I'm probably below average by maybe an inch, but we're not "small". At least not erect.

    Small would be anything less than 3 or 4 inches.

    You're going to need professional help here I think. Honestly, I think it'd do you some good.
     

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