FRK *Serious Discussion* When is the Right Time and How Much

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bubba Atlantis, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    So I was thinking about this topic the other day with Lovely and people at work. At some point, as a child, everyone has some sort of sex talk. I was curious to see what people remember of their sex talk and wish to share.

    Moreover, I am curious to get your opinions on what age a child should be told about sex as well as what they should be told. That is, how much should a child be told?

    I thought it might be fun to have a good discussion about this. Feel free to comment on all the questions or only one or two.

    To Recap
    When were you told about sex? How did the conversation go?
    At what age should a child be told about sex and what detail should they be given?
     
  2. magik

    magik New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was never given the sex talk, I was raised by my father so it was too awkward to do face to face. So instead he went and bought me a few books about puberty and sex and slipped them under my door haha.

    I have no idea what age a child should be talked to about sex, before I would have said around 15 or so because that's before I was even attracted to guys, but it seems these days kids are having sex at 13 and younger.
     
  3. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    thankfully, i had a very communicative and intelligent mother. At age 6 i had a question about my cousin having her period. At that point my mom explained in clear language how things worked, where babies came from and about sex. She pulled out the encyclopedia and showed me what and where all the reproductive organs were. At that point it was clean, clear, concise and medical/scientific and i was satisfied with that answer.

    When sex ed was presented in the fifth grade, i was already ahead of the game as far as the science was concerned and my mom again sat me down then spoke more of the social aspects of sex, contraception and diseases. Sex, she explained (better than my sex ed presenter), was not just about making babies, it was about intimacy, it felt great, was fun and it was something special that you would share with someone you loved very much. She stressed SMART abstinance, not wait till marriage shit but Safe sexual play with partners that didn't have to be penis-in-vagina sex.

    Over the years i got to have some good convos with her and she answered any questions i had and i feel it helped shape a lot of my outlook.

    So having had a pretty great sexual education starting at age 6, i think each kid is different in their level of understanding and curiosity, but I think by the time the child is age 8, parents should have at least talked about the science/biology of reproduction. I never believed in a stork, my parents never told me about a cabage patch.. i was explained early that babies come from mom's body. why give kids some fucked up, unintelligible myth and LIE, when nature is much easier to understand?

    I think by age 12 kids get a lot of exposure to sex in the media, so parents should be on the pace of their kids and maintain open communication on the social, emotional aspects of sex and relationships. by then they should know exactly what happens with what organs and how, without having it be tainted in education from pornography. Also, A clear explaination on contraception, pregnancy, birthing and disease should e explained and not just in school, but at home, by the parents so the kids can ask questions and not feel embarassed.
     
  4. magik

    magik New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0
    I remember a girl saying "vagina" when I was in the 4th grade, I went home and asked my dad what it was. Needless to say I felt like an idiot because everyone else in my class knew what a vagina was but me. I was always told it was a "front butt" and I had never heard it called anything else.
     
  5. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    wow, you were definately done a great disservice as a child...... not to play psychologist, but i'd put money down and say your current issues still stem from that lack of open communication and education.
     
  6. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    I would have to agree with that to some extent
     
  7. magik

    magik New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm almost positive that they do. I've done a LOT of thinking over the past few weeks (especially since the confusion thread) and it seems the lack of knowledge I had of sex and everything about it really ended up messing up my entire outlook on it all. Doesn't help that not only was I not told anything or given sex ed class (Catholic school didn't allow it) but I spent a lot of my time with my VERY devout Roman Catholic grandmother who fed me all of this crap and made me think everything I was thinking/feeling was going to land me in hell.

    Thankfully now I'm athiest and don't believe all of that crap, but I still have a very hard time with nudity, polygamy, casual sex, and just sex in general. I often still feel very ashamed even though I know I shouldn't.
     
  8. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    it takes time and self-education and experiencing HEALTHY sexual situations. You just have to work on it. I always say that a sex councelor/therapist is the way to go with these issues. he or she can help educate you on wht you don't know, and give strategies to help you change you gut reaction to things that has been built from a miseducated childhood.
     
  9. magik

    magik New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, unfortunately I don't have the money to see a therapist any longer so until I do, I'm just going to have to try the "do it yourself" method. It's really shitty though, because on one hand I know that I'm not really a judgemental person and I know that people should do whatever makes them happy ... but at the same time I still have the reaction of "that's wrong" or "that's disgusting". It's like having two opposite personalities.
     
  10. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    look up support groups in your community. a lot of them are free and people just getting together to talk shit out. People taht have been abused or those with sexual disfunction. look up your local GLBT union ( gay les bi transgender). they usually have the BEST sex ed/ support for nyone interested, Gay straight or otherwise.
     
  11. magik

    magik New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2007
    Messages:
    518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Free you say? I can definitely afford that and will look into it. Ty.
     
  12. registeredPORK

    registeredPORK Happy Poo Poo

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2006
    Messages:
    5,363
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Slaughter House

    My parents grew up with really old cultural custom and because of that, sex talk in general is taboo. It still is, but I learned about sex by accident. Seriously. When I was a kid I thought people got kids because they slept right next to each other... and that their belly button touched :o

    Children should be educated about sex, even before they hit the high school age. Allowing them to understand the importance about sex and making it more accepting, the better chance they won't do something stupid. Knowledge is power!
     
  13. razi

    razi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    never got the Talk. I picked it pretty much up on my own, and anything else was filtered through some old Playboy and Penthouse that were tucked away in the basement (specifically the reader's stories).
     
  14. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2006
    Messages:
    4,945
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Frozen Bowels of HELL
    Never got "the talk" either, picked a lot of it up on my own too. However, I started young with my kids, kept an line of communication open and provided reading/reasearch materials. What is happening to my body? Is an excellent pre/puberty book (it comes in a boys and girls version with some cross-referencing).
     
  15. Lovely Atlantis

    Lovely Atlantis Luscious Lovely Lady!

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    1,527
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    hey!! That's the book I got! I still have it actually. It was a really good book. There must be a newer version of it by now though. My parents gave it to me and my sister when we were fairly young. She was probably 10 and I was 8. I remember my mom reading it out loud to us, but I found it boring and would leave the room. So I think because of that my sister got more sex education than me. Other than that book I never really got anything. I don't remember any 'talk'. It was always understood that according to our religion, sex before marriage was bad, but within marriage it was a wonderful thing. The sex education I got in school was pretty basic. It mostly talked about puberty and STD's etc. Not so much about anything else.
     
  16. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    the lack of education on sex and sexual relations makes me REALLY want to pursue ma career in Sex and relationship counceling.........
     
  17. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    That is what I am doing....sort of. I am in the process of getting a Master's degree in deviance and sexuality with the hopes of following that up with a PhD. The purpose behind that would be 1) I like the topic and would be passionate about it and 2) I want to use it as a way to help people better understand 'taboo' topics or things that many are too afraid to talk about. Hopefully it all works out in the end (hitting a few roadblocks right now in my pursuit).

    I could never do counselling. I lack the patience for it :mamoru: Lovely and I were actually talking about it last night and she said I would be bad at it because I would look at them and say "quit being such a pussy and lighten up, communicate and just do it. Quit thinking about it". In my opinion most need the tough love approach, but I do not think it would be the most effective way and I would not be very successful as a result
     
  18. ShoverBot

    ShoverBot OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2005
    Messages:
    1,918
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    No talk, picked it all up from the friends, porn, i think one sex ed class in about 5th grade.
     
  19. Cumstang02

    Cumstang02 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Messages:
    6,374
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Is it in yet?
    My sex talk consisted of my dad telling me, "don't bring any babies home". I had an older brother so i was well ahead of the game.
     
  20. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    I've found out over the years that I have a talent for counceling. I DON'T want to take on psychotherapy for disordered individuals, I just get too into what's ging on in a patient's head. I DO however enjoy teaching and helping people out, so if I can take what i know of good communication, good therapy techniques, Behaviour modification and the wide wonderful world of relationships and sexuality i think i could make something of it in relationship and sex counceling. I also have a strength in behavior mod so who knows

    Right now I'm straddeling the line between continuing as an art teacher/getting the MAster's someday in education OR go for the Cert in behavior mod, and then go for the Master's in psych/counceling.
     
  21. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    seems you are at a similar crossroad that I am at. I am looking at Profiling or Sexual Deviance. I have a few options going either way and I feel I would be successful in each and for valid reasons. I know where my skills are and where I am lacking (the patience thing) so I know where I can go and be happy and still help people in some form
     
  22. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2004
    Messages:
    3,903
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Vancouver
    So, people have told some nice stories, but most have ignored one question that I felt would be the most intriging.

    What should a child be told. For instance, do you tell a 12 year old about bondage and BDSM and so forth or do you just tell them the basics? Are there things you mention at a young age to a child (like penis into vagina makes babies) and than things you tell them about when they are a bit older (STI's resulting from unprotected sex)?

    What are your thoughts?
     
  23. Buttons

    Buttons OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2004
    Messages:
    24,325
    Likes Received:
    25
    Location:
    Burlington, Ontario
    freaky??
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I never had any kind of sex talk. Nothing. In 5th grade there was a week or few days or something where they did a Sex Ed class and I was out sick that week.

    I had to learn everything on my own.
     
  25. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2001
    Messages:
    52,552
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Miramar, FL
    by age 6, i feel a parent should have approached and taugh the basics of "where babies come from". By 12 they should know About STIs, Pregnancy, contraception, safer sex practices and the importance of sexual intimacy and the responsibility that comes with it.

    Would i talk to a 12 year old about BDSM? No. if they had a question about it, i'd answer and explain it. But, i think that's something i'd leave to maybe age 14+. that's more of an intricacy of relations that i think is too big for an average 12 year old to really understand.

    The nuances and variety of fetishism, BDSM, D/s, etc is just too much for some ADULTS to get, i can't begin to think a child (yes to feel a 15 year old is a child too at times) is just not mature enough to realy grasp the concepts.
     

Share This Page