SRS serial relapse and associated issues

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by rbdweezy, Aug 9, 2009.

  1. rbdweezy

    rbdweezy New Member

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    This is my first time posting in this sub forum and about my third time posting on ot. I have been a lurker member for about a year. Here is my problem and reason for posting. I am now 29. I have been around 12 step for 10 years. I went to rehab for the first time when I was 19. I got into a pissing match with a counselor there over having to tell me deepest secret to a woman dressed as a clown while the song "bring in the clowns" was playing. I still feel I was not unjustified in that situation. I went on to drop some acid the same night I left there. I then boozed and drugged and did things I still can't believe I would ever do for a few years. I started working the steps when I was 22 with a sponsor who had been a substance abuse counselor and sober for around 20 years. I started getting some serenity and peace and was happy for a time. I went 3+ years clean and sober. Then I faltered and relapsed, followed by my sponsor moving away and me moving away too. Now I live in mobile,al and I have a new sponsor who I don't really like and who just talks at me and I cannot stop relapsing. I am drinking tonight while the whole time telling myself I don;t want to and beating myself up about it and not make any actions to stop it. Any one with any help would be awesome
     
  2. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    I agree on the clown thing, that's nuts.
    Get a sponsor you can work with. It's very important.
    I think you know what you have to do: don't use no matter what. Go to meetings, get the literature, get numbers and CALL the numbers.
    One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time.
     
  3. untoastytoast

    untoastytoast The Glory Days

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    get spiritually connected. the only thing, is that you have to be willing. chances are, the sponsor is not the problem, you are. work the steps thoroughly and honestly, and get started on your 4th step immediately. that's my best advice.
     
  4. drunkenkyle

    drunkenkyle New Member

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    read the big book, get a good sponsor, start the steps over, go to meetings
     
  5. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    You know, I think the point of telling your deepest secret to a woman dressed as a clown was to get you to stop taking that secret so seriously, and stop guarding your secrets in general. There are a few things that I won't tell just anyone, but nothing I won't tell at all. I have no idea how you handle your substance abuse, but I'm going to guess you don't advertise it on billboards. The point of practicing telling secrets to clowns is to reinforce the principle that the best cure for corruption is sunlight.
     
  6. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    So now that you've heard all the advice, worked the steps, been sober for 3+ years and been around the program for 10+ years, you've got even more reasons why you're different/smarter or whatever. And so....I would assume that it's much easier to ignore the suggestions of others or to not do the difficult work your sponsor is suggesting.

    Nowhere in the big book does it say that if you don't like your sponsor, you'll never get better. Fuck that shit...you don't have to like him/her. Hell my first sponsor intimidated the shit out of me and I couldn't stand his arrogant way of talking in meetings. Fuck the only reason I asked him to be my sponsor was I didn't know who else to ask. He had 10+ years at the time and I thought, "Well fuck it, he has to know something about recovery to get 10 years. Maybe I can learn something from him." I learned so much more than I ever thought possible and he saved my life on more than one occasion.

    People constantly suggest, "A sponsor is someone you trust, someone you connect with, someone that you like...etc." Fuck that bullshit. IMO a sponsor is there to teach you how to work the steps. How do they do that? By simply teaching you what worked for them....that's all.

    Anyways, stop beating yourself up and just go back to AA. You're human and an alcoholic and you drank. So fucking what....that's what we do when we don't know what else to do. Guess what, you're not as unique as you think you are and there are many people in the rooms of AA that have had similar experiences. So....just go. Don't argue...just go.
     

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