SRS Sentencing

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by emy2005, Sep 5, 2005.

  1. emy2005

    emy2005 New Member

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    The sentencing

    Even though my rapist was not found guilty with my case, there is the sentencing for the other 5 girls on Thursday. They have allowed me and my dad to go to, I just want to see him once more and find out exactly what he gets.

    The question is when I look at him should I look happy and brave and not let him think how much he has hurt me or should I look at him and show him how much he has hurt me so may be he wont do it to anyone else.

    I am having a quick meeting with the barrister after which should be interesting, I also don’t think the police will be very happy with this because they have corresponded with me all the way through. But my counsellor got in touch with her and she said she was happy answering my questions, as the police did not. There are so many things I want to ask but they just don’t seem to come out. As soon as the sentencing is over I am going to try and write a letter to my rapist and send it him. I want him to know he’s hurt me big time and try to make him believe he’s not wrecked my life even though if the truth were told he probably has.

    I heard one of the victim’s cry in the room next door to me and I just wanted to walk in the room and give her a massive hug and tell her I know how it feels. You know sometimes I just wish one of the girls would email me, you know someone who really knows how it feels to have Geoff betray you like that.

    I would appreciate your thoughts and opinions and if anyone could help with questions I will need to ask the barrister that would be helpful.

    Thanks

    Emily

     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You looking hurt and sorry won't dissuade him from any future acts. Rape is often suggested to be a crime of control and power, not passion or sexual fulfilment. Giving the impression that you are hurt gives him the feeling of power. Don't do this.

    A letter letting him know he hurt you won't be particularly helpful. He knows he hurt you. That's what he wanted.

    I suggest you might feel better for yourself, if you go in there strong-willed and undaunted. If he looks at you, look back with a steely gaze. You can silently mouth the words "FUCK OFF AND DIE". Though this last portion is strictly up to you and very optional.

    Rapists don't do well in jail. Maybe someone will dish out some real justice in there. The only people that get a shiv quicker than rapists are child molesters.

    If you received counselling as part of this aftermath of the trauma, I suggest you talk to your counselor about this issue and how best to handle it.
     
  3. emy2005

    emy2005 New Member

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    thanks for your help and i know what your saying but i dont think it will quite b that easy. i think when i see him after not seeing him since the day and it being a yr exactly since i spoke to him last i think i may fill up with emotion. Its just weather i hide that emotion from him or not. on one hand i wanna show him that hes not won and hes not ruined my life n im over it n on the other hand i want to show him hes caused me grief and pain and what he did was unaccectable. I just dont know which is more important and more effective. do u understand what i mean?
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    I would create a support group and ask in a letter or something to the other girls if they feel like joining this support group where you all people can process your experiences,talk and give support to eachother. I don't like seeing you all going thru this thing alone unecessary. I would take the best pshychiatrics available along with trying to get as much as possible support from your family and friends.

    http://www.rapecrisisbv.org/
    http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Abuse/lisk/family_friends.htm
    http://incestabuse.about.com/gi/dyn.../aboutteensnow/sexuality/rape/what_to_do.html
     
  5. emy2005

    emy2005 New Member

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    its a gud idea but unfortunately i am not in contact with the other girls, although i do wish i was:(
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You just repeated your first post, which I already answered.

    You want to show him he hasn't won? You want to show him he hasn't ruined your life?

    So you think by appearing pained and/or grieved will do that? Isn't that just the opposite of what you said you wanted?

    Appear angry. Appear strong. Even if you don't feel it.

    Appearing pained/grieved/weak will not "teach him a lesson" or make him feel sorry for you. I know that's what you want to think, but no, it won't make his heart melt and feel sorry for you.

    You mentioned you saw a counselor as part of this experience.
    Go talk to him/her about this. I'm quite sure she/he will NOT advise you to try and extract remorse out of him by appearing pained/grieved/weak/etc
     

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