Sensitivity & Tragic events in relationship

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Eddie Brock, Nov 26, 2008.

  1. Eddie Brock

    Eddie Brock New Member

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    So I've been seeing this girl for quite a while (for about 4 months now). Everything has been going well. The communication is there, the interests are there, the physical attraction is more than there. Only thing I found strange was the fact that when it came down to talking about sex she was fine except when we spoke about her favorite sexual positions, what she likes, dislikes, etc. She would start to become very evasive and completely disregard the question. Now, as we all know, sex is important... It's extremely important to me. I like to know what pleases my SO and what doesnt. I come to find out that the reason why she evades questions about her sexual likes and dislikes is because she was molested as a child. She went into detail and told me that it happened for years and even though it never led to anything more than being fondled and groped she never told anyone. At first I was :eek3::mad::( I decided to let her talk about what she likes, dislikes when shes a little more comfortable talking about it. Im just upset that A) It feels as if I'm building a rocket ship with no instructions (other than playing it by ear) B) Worried that this might develop serious relationship problems in the future due to lack of communication or "baggage" C) The level of communication isnt where Id like it to be.

    Have any of you guys ever gone through this?
    What are your thoughts?
     
  2. Kreigore

    Kreigore New Member

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    While I haven't gone through your exact scenario, my girlfriend was sexually assaulted when she was 18. To give you an idea, I started dating her when she was 22.

    The guy she was seeing at the time made it out to be her fault, but it certainly wasn't. She had gone over to a friend's house for a small get together with her brother and left with her friend's neighbor to look at some of his artwork. And you can imagine what happened next.

    When we started dating, she told me about her situation(s) and I was there for her. I didn't say much at first, but I listened. I was there to comfort and console her. I talked to her about it and how it had happened and whether she had told anyone, etc.

    I had a hard time dealing with it internally, but think about her... The best thing you can do is talk to her. Don't pry too much, but be there for her when she wants to talk.

    My girlfriend is more than willing to talk about sex and what we do. We have always had good communication. It might take some building up of trust, but it was never an issue for us.

    To answer your concerns:

    A.) I can somewhat relate. I was angry that someone did what they did to her. I was very pissed and am still a bit angry about it to this day. All you can do is support her. There are no rulebooks or guidelines to follow -- that's life.

    B.) It could, but it doesn't have to. Communication is essential to any relationship, without it - the relationship is doomed. How are you talking about everyday things? You said you felt communication was good - so, there's a decent start. Problems occur if you don't talk about issues and work though them.

    C.) You said communication was good? But I'm guessing you'd like to talk freely about anything and everything? It'll take time if you're talking about sexual things with her. She will still feel embarassed and shy around you most likely (especially when she first told you). Imagine how hard that was for her? Give it time.
     
  3. Eddie Brock

    Eddie Brock New Member

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    "Anything and everything" that's exactly where I would like it to be. I asked myself "Am I holding anything back? If she were to ask me a question would I be completely honest?" First time I could say "yes" thats the level communication and honesty I have with her and hope in time, shell have with me... but Ill follow my thoughts and your advice and give it some time. I imagine her opening up to me and letting me know something not too many other people know was a huge step for her and this relationship
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    If she hasn't already, she could probably benefit from therapy. At the very least, it would accelerate the process you are trying to do on your own.

    Secondly...let's be honest. It's probably gonna be a LONG ass time before she is ready to have sex, even longer before she can go through it and fuly experience and enjoy it.
     
  5. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    matt has a great point. you should just dump and move on to non damaged goods.
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Have you had sex with her yet?
     
  7. Eddie Brock

    Eddie Brock New Member

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    Yes I have, thats what i find a bit weird. Shes able to have sex, but not be able to completely verbalize what she likes/dislikes
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Some people just aren't good with words :dunno:

    Why do you need her to verbalize it though? You should be able to tell what she likes and doesn't like by her reactions.

    You also might have better luck asking her while you are actually doing those things. "Does this feel good", "do you like it when I do this", "are you enjoying this position or would you like to try something else", etc. Just don't ask too many questions or it would take the fun of out sex.

    I'd much rather have a guy find out what I like by paying attention to my reactions and asking questions while he is doing things. It's easier to tell someone how you feel about a certain thing while you are doing it. Asking her to just tell you her fav positions and what she likes and doesn't like just puts her on the spot and she probably doesn't like that.
     
  9. hayguyz

    hayguyz New Member

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    maximum luggage capacity has been reached
     
  10. Eddie Brock

    Eddie Brock New Member

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    True, I was thinking the same thing... but wish she was a little more verbal. We dont talk about it at all... which is odd ill give it some time and act out both good opinions
     

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