SRS Self esteem

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by MudFlap, May 11, 2006.

  1. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    How do I overcome this?

    Im not sure what my problem is but people just walk all over me and I let em. I know they are doing this and wont do anything about it because I assume thats how stuff works. I think it shows too, I could never figgure out why I couldnt get a decent job even though I had plenty of interviews. They prolly saw some scared shitless kid sitting in the chair and said fuck that... maybe its confidence, perhaps its all tied.

    I did have a good job once, only to hear later that the dude hired me cuz I looked like an easy target to mold into anything he wanted me to be.

    Im such a sucker :hs:
  2. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

    Mar 4, 2005
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    You gotta know your shit, and you gotta practice.

    No magical bean you can take and it never goes away. I recently had to get up in front of a business crowd of around 30 people and by the time I stood up I was scared shitless & totally screwed up what I was going to say...even though at one time I could have stood in front of hundreds and rambled on and on. It was mainly because I was out of practice.

    Whether it's confidence talking to a single interviewer, speaking in front of a crowd, or even getting up on a stage to perform, it only gets easier to control your anxiety by doing it often.
  3. Pringles

    Pringles New Member

    Oct 29, 2005
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    He hit the nail on the head. Just walk and talk with confidence and soon you will realize what it is to have confidence and what kind of confidence you have. I guess it has always come easy for me as I really didnt have this problem, but just try standing strong to the next person. It's also how you present yourself from the 1st second you walk in the room. Don't act laid back, act like you have something better to do and that person is wasting your time.
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    People in this world will treat you the way you let yourself be treated. The skinny dork at school gets picked on because he lets it happen. The big jock doesn't because he won't stand for it. The funny thing is... I've seen the exact opposite happen. I've seen big jocks get picked on because they let it happen and skinny dorks who get left alone because they will throw down in their own self defense.

    If you let people walk on you, people will walk on you. Sometimes without even knowing that they are walking on you. If you let it happen so much it simply becomes natural for people to ask you if they can borrow money, bum a smoke, hitch a ride, listen to their problems, give them company, etc. It's not their fault, it's your own.

    When people do this it usually stems from them wanting to fit in and be liked. They start doing favors to buy friends or relations. You don't have to do any of that to get friends. Even the biggest jerks out there have friends. You have every right to stand up for yourself and refuse people. Even if for no other reason than you don't feel like it.
  5. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Thanks for advice, but how do I change?
  6. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    It's real easy actually. Don't give a crap what people think of you.
    The sooner you realize it's basically you vs. the world, and when you do that's when you'll change.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2006
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I learned to say 'STOP to here, and no further' , you should become more stubborn and not giving in so easily. This will cause more of a fuss, however you need to defend your own interests more. Consider yourself as a dragon, would a dragon let anyone into its cave without a decent fight? Hell no.

    Whats up with this self esteem anyway, i never suffered from it because i know that life is like a boxing game , being afraid you are going to get hurt is useless because you WILL GET HURT, therefore you might as well go for gold and kick the hell out of your opponent which is life. Don't let life walse over you, you walse over life.
  8. 98formyws6

    98formyws6 New Member

    Dec 29, 2003
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    find an outlet for how you can improve yourself

    i was exactly in your shoes, had the lowest self confidence ever (when i was growing up as a kid, my dad and sisters would constantly verbally abuse me)

    then i started lifting weights and i've gotten bigger than your average guy so that boosted my confidence thru the roof and i coudl totatlly tell w/ work, school if youre good w/ singing or whatever just keep doing it

    good luck!
  9. 2500

    2500 Guest

    alot of self esteem issues stem from long ago hidden feelings of neglect and problems at home. i'm not talking physical abuse and the extreme. but even a slightly distant father could do it. i didn't realize this till i got into therapy. i just thought i over reacted to shit. but, i realised the problem went deeper. and, once i figured that out, it made life a lil easier. its still work buddy. its not easy, but, its doable with time and practice. maybe talk to a counselor or therapist. theres nothing wrong with that, and maybe they can give you some insight to your past and point you in the right direction. helped for me....
  10. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

    May 20, 2005
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    I totally agree. Fuck everyone else, and live life to become the person you want to be.
  11. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Thanks guys you are awesome. Special thanks to cloudten, hes the man :bowdown:

    Basicly he sent me a good book, which Im almost done reading and its awesome. What it boils down to is "Fake it till you make it" you can be in any state of mind you want, you just have to want it hard enough. I have been telling myself everything is great and it fu*kin is. :)

    I just found buncha interesting things today i.e. my gf which I loved with all my heart has been cheating on me.... but its all good, nothing is going to keep me down.

    BTW Im quitting my work and starting over again from scratch.

    /end stupid rant :mamoru:
  12. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

    Oct 14, 2004
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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
    This just seemed hilarious given the seriousness of the thread...

    Dragon don't take shit from no-one.
  13. Amaranth

    Amaranth New Member

    May 8, 2006
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    Well yeah, but it hold truth...its all about changing your aura in your head...from there other people see you differently, I have a huge confidence problem too...but the aura thing helped me a lot...if you hold yourself in high esteem things will get better....
  14. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

    Sep 8, 2004
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    There are lots of good philosphies that justify and thus theoretically grant you confidence, but I find simple ideas to be best, because they can more easily be converted into instinct.

    1. I have figured out what I think about things. Knowing that much, it is my impetus to find out who's an asshole and who's cool. At that point, I can do away with the assholes and reward the cool people. (This is only for male-male interactions and groups of mixed company.) Over time you will find that there are not as many assholes as you think.

    2. I realize that women fall into two categories, those who do and those who don't find me physically attractive. I then go and find out: does this woman I find attractive happen to be one of the women in the former group, or is she in the latter group? This mindset greatly removes the sting of rejection.

    Notice that #1 places you as the center of your world. You look out from your own eyes and perceive other people. Seek the good, ignore or repel the evil. #1 makes socializing a quest for information (with obvious benefits), and #2 makes flirting a quest for information (with even more obvious benefits).

    #2 caused me to ask out a girl who was selling movie tickets at a theatre. She was a 6/10 in my eyes at the time - a girl with a very pretty face. It turned out she had already marked me from earlier that week as a cute guy. It turned out she had beautiful tits and was in amazing shape, 7/10 naked. It turned out I fell in love with her, which makes her a 10/10, so I highly, highly recommend philosophy #2... :)

    If you can manage to keep 3 things in your head, you might want this one too. It's not as simple as the others, or at leat, I have some trouble explaining it, but...

    3. (This applies to feeling self-conscious in mixed company.) Implicit rejection, you will find, is almost entirely an illusion. It is useless going around quietly assuming that people have passed judgment on you. You can't decide that you've been rejected if it wasn't explicit. At the end of the day, you can't have failed socially if all your failures were in your own head. Go out there and fail externally! :rofl: (You'll probably "succeed," however, so good luck with that one.)
    Last edited: May 15, 2006
  15. MudFlap

    MudFlap Guest

    Thanks man :)... the book cloud sent me actually points out the exact same things... however Im not looking for a replacement girl... I need to straighten myself out before Ill start poking around again... anywho thanks again, good shi*

    Yeah Im a mofukin dragon!! ;)

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