SRS self-destructive friend

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by vibit, Dec 25, 2005.

  1. vibit

    vibit New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    how do you help a self-destructive, bulimic friend overcome their behaviour? it's been two years of bingeing and purging for her and she's beginning to get weird, random nose bleeds! and i don't know what to do, but to just be there for her! i respect her a lot, but she doesn't seem to see that in herself! she hates taking compliments, and easily shuns my efforts to 'stop' her from being self-destructive! 'you're cute, skinny and smart and a great person, why do you do this to yourself?' just does NOT work for her! she also has a bit of a physical impairment with her foot from birth that may play a part in her self-consciousness (she was in a wheelchair for a few years due to a foot defect when she was a kid!)

    i used to have major self-esteem issues (i was once raped, and have been still trying to get over it) and we used to feed off on our negative behaviour together a few years ago! but thanks to offtopic, i've been better!!! to be honest, it was all internal motivation that helped me change a bit from being a cutter, but i myself still struggle with self-esteem issues (sometimes i do binge and purge myself) at times! I know she does want to change, but she refuses to seek counselling and third party help. This has got to stop! But I don't want to force my agressive help onto her. So I sit there listening to her rant, and not arguing back because she shuts me down or I am afraid that she may feel guilty if I say something wrong to offend her? I'm also insecure in the sense that I'm afraid that she'll bitch about me (in which she has in the past) and I've noticed the pattern that she likes to backtalk some of our friends and it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I'm afraid of being bitched about behind my back! Might I also add that wre're not confrontational either!! I need some advice OT'ers!!!
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    If she refuses to seek counselling, what's stopping you from going on your own?
    You need it as much as she does. Please make that call.

    Your friend needs to be in active therapy, but why don't you start to rearrange the threads of your own life first. You'll be in a better position to help too.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Im also thinking that your friend just uses you as a venting machine into supressing her problems, and both of you going into a vicious cycle of refusing to actually solve them.

    Imagine that you are locked up in a
    room, what helps more cutting/purging or binging or a
    key to get out? Invest your energy
    into solving your problems instead of
    in cutting or all of that other stuff, redirect that energy.
    Remember nothing in the universe
    makes you happy exept Love, therefore
    love and help other people.

    Can you look into the mirror and actually say ' i love myself ' ? , the moment you are able to do that, is the moment that you do not let others brainwash you with rediculous self-imposed ideas about your height,looks,weight. And if you give love to others, then you will be overflowed with attention yourself which can enable you to put an end to cutting yourself or letting things 'get' at you.

    You two shouldn't be friends to begin with, as both of you need help in a stable enviroment, now at this moment both of you are only amplifying eachothers misery by telling eachother all that what is bothering you, while both of you don't even have the coping resources to deal with your own problems yourself. First help yourself, then you can help others.
     
  4. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2004
    Messages:
    25,647
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    dca -> nyc -> sfo -> san -> phl
    Bulemia is addicting, and the preception of being too fat is even worse.

    She, and you, need serious counseling to combat this. Otherwise, nothing will improve.
     
  5. vibit

    vibit New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thanks for the input! I don't know what to do. It seems that her foot problem (which might be the root of everything) is getting worse. And I have strongly encouraged her to see her doc about it because she is long overdue for an appointment. She is extremely fearful of other people seeing her break down and at the most vulnerable state. Yeah, sometimes, I feel like I'm "used" because the way we interact is completely different from the way we interact as a group. And because I've always been passive and easy-going about most things, I think she can tolerate me the most because I "let" her. (But that could just be my own paranoid thinking? Or is it? Ah, friendships get complicated when they're really tight) When she gets pissed off, she's not confrontational about it. SHe's extremely hard to please, and she has a horrible temper, and is super stubborn. She tends to get her way in our circle of friends. She's kind of the 'leader-bully', I'd say. Sometimes I even feel suffocated and pressured to be around her because I feel that she needs my company. Not that I don't like her. But I think I have my problems of being insecure and passive, and sometimes not being able to stand on my own two feet even to my own friends because I regard their opinions a lot and aim to please them. Sigh, I have my own issues here too as you can tell.

    Ack, I don't know what I should do with her?
     
  6. vibit

    vibit New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2004
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0
    I almost feel the only solution is to kind of distance myself from her for me to grow. But at the same time, I don't want to because we've been close friends for awhile and we have great conversations. I just have a semi-trust issue with her because I felt she somewhat betrayed before by her from a few events. I think I have trust issues here too??
     
  7. svetlanalemon

    svetlanalemon A little blood and vomit on the car seat...

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2006
    Messages:
    2,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    california
    i used to be bulimic for a year or so, i stopped because i was scared out of it.

    Sooo many risks youre opening yourself to.
    maybe you could give her some articles and medical journals on it. Heart attacks happening to bulimics who've only practiced for six months, heart transplant, tearing of esophageal lining, stomach ulcers, tooth enamel damaging
     

Share This Page