SRS Self Destructive Behavior

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Eris, Jul 7, 2005.

  1. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Anyone else self destruct the good things in their life?

    I do it all the time. I go back and forth with depression.

    It's like I know what I am doing is 'wrong' and that it's going to hurt myself or other's in the long run, and yet I do it anyway. Almost as if I'm standing on the outside looking in while I'm doing it.

    I'm aware of when I am doing and I do nothing to stop it.

    Other then the obvious option of therapy anyone have any input on how to try and control this behavior?

    Those who do suffer from it what have you tried to do to change it?

    I'd like to hear any and all advice and experiences.
     
  2. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    Can you be more specific, what kind of self destructive behavior?

    Some people like pushing the limits on everything.. some also tend to overdo shit as well.

    If you can be more specific, that would help a lot.
     
  3. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Well .... basically when things are going well for me I'll screw it up.

    For example I was talking to a really great guy. Things were going great and possiblely well on their way to a good relationship with this guy. We had planned to go to Vegas together, but last minute he couldn't go.

    It became a girl's weekend in Sin City. Was my first time there and I really did it up!! We ended up meeting some guys and brought 'em back to our room. One thing lead to another ....

    After my Vegas weekend (which the whole what happens in vegas stays in vegas thing didn't work) I came home minus a friend. And me being the honest person I am came clean with the guy - who then wanted nothing further to do with me.

    He wasn't my bf and we had only lightly touched base on getting together. But there was def mutual feelings.

    The whole time I was in Vegas I knew I shouldn't be doing half of what I was doing. One because for the most part my hardcore party past is behind me and two because of him. But I didn't stop myself. It's like I canNOT let myself be happy. If something good comes along I'll find some way to push it away.


    I mean he was aware of my past ... and he knew I had certain issues. That I never kept to myself.

    He told me I wasn't who he thought I was and that he no longer saw a future for us.

    is that any better? hard to find the right words.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2005
  4. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Or when things are coming along smoothly I'll look for something wrong .... or create a problem
     
  5. Layne Staley

    Layne Staley New Member

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    You sound like me :wtc:
     
  6. Tori1989

    Tori1989 Guest

    You said that it's almost like you're standing on the outside looking in whilst you're doing it. Sounds to me like you have a mild case of Depersonalization Disorder, which can be common in people who are depressed. I think it's mostly common with people who SI though. Although, i'm not a Doctor or anything, so my best advice would be to see a Doctor or councillor, even though you mentioned that you didn't want the obvious option. Good Luck.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    IMHO with every thing you do , you should ask yourself ' is it really love what i am doing?' you will get a gut feeling as you described wether you should go thru or stop with what you are doing. At this moment you are giving in , however what you should spiritually should be able to say to yourself is ' STOP , to here and no further ' , wipe your feet,walk away and never look back. The ability to say No is as important as the ability to say Yes, you can't always put your feet on the gas in your car, you have to brake when a curve comes otherwhise you will swing out of it, the same counts for your life, that if you don't want to collide you will have to butt kick yourself not to do it. Say to your mind ' i want to preserve myself' and since its only in your best interests you should not continue what you are doing.
     
  8. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    SI?
     
  9. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Yeah? How do you deal? Or don't you?
     
  10. tris

    tris New Member

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    I understand your problem, I think. Don't take this the wrong way, but,

    Are you socially needy?

    It sounds to me like you want to please EVERYONE, and do anything and everything with anyone everywhere. I'm not calling you a whore, but more of an experience junkie, or something. --A "Carpe Diem" personality, of sorts. This is probably one of your better traits, whether you agree or not. It beats being introverted, that's for damn sure.

    Wait, wait. . . You guys didn't make any commitments to each other. Don't feel bad about chasing tail --it's a totally natural human tendancy, especially for the unattached. Don't let your womanly-commitment-happy thoughts ruin your biological fun. It sounds like you've convinced yourself that happiness will result in hooking up with this non-vegas fella. He obviously told you he saw some things that raised red flags with him, thus the reason for his vamoose. I wouldn't take it personal, though. There's no reason to feel down for getting turned down. Don't forget that fate always has its hands on everything, as well. . Take a fatalistic approach; you and him just weren't meant to be, then. Don't make his split dependant on your actions in Vegas --You and him just weren't/aren't in the cards.

    It could be worse, you could be a guy. :wtc:

    EDIT: I think SI means "Substance Induced", like they were accusing you of an Out Of Body Experience ala halucinogens and whatnot. Dunno.
     
  11. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Ah ... well Vegas was just an example ... like I said it's hard to put it all into words.

    But I do like to try and please everyone sexually or otherwise .... as for doing anything and everything with anyone .. yes and no. I need to raise my standards in this sense.

    I don't consider myself to be a "slut" by any means, but there are things I've got to sort out in this area.
     
  12. tris

    tris New Member

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    I said don't focus on the sex part! I wasn't calling you a slut!! Don't think of yourself like that, that's not healthy, either! I, and many others who have varying degrees of self-destructive behaviour, also have 'things to sort out' in that 'area', so you're not alone. I'm just now coming to terms with some things in my sexuality that aren't 'normal' or even 'tolerable' when some people have found out about them. It's not fun being described as sexually deviant and creepy.

    First, as with any kind of real relationship, you need to have an inner happiness and an inner peace within yourself. If you can't love you, why would you expect someone else to love you? Or have their love compensate for your own self-love? It just doesn't work like that, I'm sorry. I understand where you're coming from, thinking another's love could be your savior. (If that's where you're coming from?) It's a very passionate, romantic, but also very dramatic line of thought. It can be harmful, too, so watch it.

    I'm glad you asked for help, and asked about this in general. It's a good topic, many of us have self-destructive behaviours that aren't always visible, but, like with any problem, it's holding us back from something in our lives --usually blissful happiness -- but in other cases, like drugs or alcohol, it can spread like a disease into other aspects of your life, dragging you down.

    I'm giving you an e-hug, sounds like you need one. :wavey:
     
  13. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Oh no non I didn't think you were callin me a slut ... I was just saying ... was fairly unrelated :)
     
  14. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Thanks for the E Hug!

    Well my need to feel accepted and to have someone in my life is what I'm working on right now.

    I need to find peace with myself and figure out what is making me tick the way that I do and try and control the behavior in a positive way.

    Not necessarily looking to change myself completely. I am not looking to get into another relationship because I'd be heading into it for all the wrong reasons.

    You're correct - I can't ask someone to love me if I can't even love myself. I was with my HS sweetheart for nearly 6 yrs. There were good times, but I think a lot of why we were together for so long had to with it being a matter of convience ... a warm body ...someone there. I mean we had feelings and felt love on some level ... but not true love ... that whole pure feeling one gets from it.

    I've been single a year and haven taken time to explore and further myself sexually. And though I don't wish to stop doing so .. I need to slow it down and start being more selective in who I am with.

    I'm a work in progress and I am very much ok with that.
     
  15. tris

    tris New Member

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    Well, then! Get out there and LIVE! No need to spend time in, albeit a good community, but this ASYLUM has got such grey walls! Frolic!
     
  16. tris

    tris New Member

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    Hehe, I just realized how similar our handles are. . .

    Eris
    Tris

    Cool, eh?
     
  17. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Haha ... true. Good atmosphere though. People seem genuinely interested in helping others and people aren't afraid to ask for help.

    I haven't come across an online community like this ever! Most of the time it's been people trolling and BSing .. child's play ... so high school.

    I know the internets aren't to be taken seriously all the time, but it's nice to be able to get serious on occasion w/o backlash!
     
  18. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    That crossed my mine when I frist saw yours!

    What's yours mean?

    (if you are familiar with greek mythology then you know mine ... Eris the Goddess of Discord/Chaos) :hsd:
     
  19. tris

    tris New Member

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    Sounds Awesome.
    Mine is just short for my name, which happens to be Tristan. I'm not sure at the moment what it means. . .
     
  20. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    Ah, gotcha! I was aiming for something new. I'm so used to my old handle I bypass my posts here!
     
  21. tris

    tris New Member

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    New names are indeed new beginnings.

    . . . but don't think you can run from yourself.


    Hit me up on AIM, or MSN, if you're free and wanted to talk one on one or something, it should be in my profile.
     
  22. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    naw I'm not running!

    I can't view profiles ... check your PM box :)
     
  23. tris

    tris New Member

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    replied to your PM. :big grin: I'll be on tomorrow, ~10ish PST, mmkay?

    :wavey: Have a wonderful rest of your day, wherever you are.
     
  24. Hunter Michaels

    Hunter Michaels The Real American Gigolo

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    Tristan is one of the Knights of the Roundtable, he is also called Tristram in some translations. Cool name I am using a variation of it in a book I am writing.
     
  25. Eris

    Eris Yes please

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    :mamoru: hehe dork!!!
     

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