Self Confidence Question

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Master Splinter, Feb 23, 2009.

  1. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    I've found lately I have a lot of issues with self confidence, let me say that for a while I was doing just fine with the ladies but after my last relationship where I found out my gf was cheating on me I got depressed and basically lost interest in dating for a while.

    Started drinking more, eating unhealthy, exercising less, pretty much was a crushing blow to me (looking back I took it way too hard but alas hindsight is 20/20).

    Fast forward to now, theres a girl I really like (and have for some time) who had been dating an asshole. They recently broke up and I'm interested in her (obviously want to give her a little time first), but even with giving a little time I don't know what to do. I've gotten a little out of shape after that last breakup, have a gut and a little bit of man boobage going on, not too far out of shape but by where I was beforehand I am.

    Anyway I have been dieting hardcore and working out like crazy lately and have started getting back into shape, but I'm not there yet.

    So my dilemma is I really like her, we get along great and I'd love to ask her out but I basically don't have any self-confidence right now, my best friend seems to think if I try I could probably end up going on a date with her but my perspective is I think shes really hot and think why would she want to date someone like myself who isn't in the best shape (but hopefully will be soon).

    I'd like to wait til I'm back in shape before I get back out into the dating world but realistically I know she'll likely wind up seeing someone else if I don't do anything then I'll be left in a wondering what if situation.

    Do I have a chance OT or am I likely correct with my perspective of things?

    Little more background, we work at the same place but in different departments so we aren't really coworkers in the aspect we see each other at work all the time.
     
  2. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Ask her out. You're just making excuses because you're scared of rejection. She's either into you or she's not. Trying to be something you aren't to please her isn't the solution. Just go for it. Now.
     
  3. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  4. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Getting rejected is probably better than not knowing if you had a chance.
     
  5. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Pretty much
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    /thread
     
  7. formul8

    formul8 New Member

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    If you ask her out, date her, then go from fluff to buff, then she might see that as a positive.

    You have to ask her out first, though.
     
  8. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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    lock it up!
     
  9. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    Managed to get the phone number today, couple more questions for you guys though.

    Coming off a breakup whats the best time frame to typically wait before asking someone out? I don't want to rush in too quick but I don't want to wait too long either.

    I kind of have a fear of asking her to go out for drinks or something and her assuming its more of a friends deal and myself coming out looking like an ass, so what is a good way to go about this so my intentions are clear?
     
  10. Joshua

    Joshua ambition over everything OT Supporter

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    "Hey, would you like to go out for drinks some time?"

    If shes over 14, she'll probably get the idea. She's been through this a million times. You'll be fine chief, just nut up and go for it.
     
  11. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    Figured thats the best route but I have a horrible habit of over thinking things in my head.

    I know shes a big hockey fan and I have my uncles season tickets to the Blues for a week in mid-march when he goes out of town so I kind of hinted around seeing if she'd be interested in going to a game and she seemed up for it but being as thats about 3 weeks away I'd definitely like to do something else like go out for drinks before that were to come up, plus I wasn't really sure if she would view a hockey game as a potential date or more of a hanging out with a friend deal, so drinks would definitely paint a clearer picture IMO.
     
  12. Joshua

    Joshua ambition over everything OT Supporter

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    Yeah dude - that is too far out. Here is a good rule, never plan anything farther out than you've actually been dating. But uh, since you're at 0 days dating I guess that doesn't totally apply. :rofl: Hockey game is an AWESOME third+ date. Some girls a great 2nd.

    Personally, I think it is sort of a shitty first.
     
  13. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    Absolutely agree no chance that would be our first.

    If I pussy out and can't arrange a date before mid-march I'm a giant pansy.

    That said I think I have a decent plan of action its all about executing it, we both get off work at the same time (11 pm) so I figure asking her to go out for drinks after work is a solid bet, see how the night goes and then if everything goes well and we seem to have solid chemistry set up a more official date from there.

    Sound like a decent plan in anyone's opinion? I just think being out with her in a 1 on 1 setting away from work, getting to know each other better is a good move, and I'm sure she'd pick up on the getting drinks thing as being a date anyway if its just us.

    Feedback?
     
  14. maybeitsyou

    maybeitsyou New Member

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    1. ask her out for drinks after work.
    2. if things go well, ask her out to dinner when you guys are both off at normal times
    3. probably dinner again a couple days later
    4. hockey
    5. ????????
    6. profit.
     
  15. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Rejection is part of the game broseph and like the rest said if she's not into you then she's not into you... Don't take it personally, some people aren't compatible that's all. All personal preference and opinion. I mean if ALL women aren't into you then that might set off a red-flag, but it doesn't sound like thats the case, so go for the gold :)
     
  16. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    Sounds like a great plan to me!

    Well tomorrow is the day, we'll both be working so whenever a good time arises I'll see if shes up for drinks after.
     
  17. Joshua

    Joshua ambition over everything OT Supporter

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  18. SuckerPhree

    SuckerPhree New Member

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    Damn, keep us updated.

    I'm anxious to know.
    We're rooting for ya!
     
  19. Master Splinter

    Master Splinter OT Supporter

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    Well I went for it tonight.

    She went outside for a short break and we were kind of talking before so I tagged along.

    I just asked her if she had anything going on after work tonight, she told me she was heading home and going to bed since shes going up to Chicago early tomorrow with one of her girlfriends, so I was caught a little off guard not really having a contingency plan. We talked a little more about work and her upcoming trip, finally we were heading back inside, I knew I had to go for it our I would wind up bitching out so I just said so do you have any plans when you get back in town Sunday after you get off work? She said I don't know don't really have anything planned out that far ahead so I just said how about we go grab a couple drinks?

    She said yeah we definitely could just text me.

    So looks like I have my foot in the door!

    Thanks for all the help OT, I have to admit after being out of the dating game for a while after my last break up my confidence was at an all time low but after finally jumping back in my confidence is back to a high level.

    You guys were a tremendous help.
     
  20. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Good work :)

    Best of luck with it all. And remember; some women go out with guys because they actually like the way the guy acts and his attitude, not because of how he looks ;)

    Beer gut and man boos are hawt. :big grin:
     
  21. giz

    giz Active Member

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    confidence - fake it till you make it

    you don't gain confidence by standing on the sidelines

    *edit - well done man, feels good eh
     
  22. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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  23. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    Atta boy bro. :bigthumb:

    If everything goes smooth when you're out for drinks ask her out again but this time make it known that it's a legit date.
     
  24. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Doing every good so far man, seems like you made your point clear when you asked her for drinks when she returns. Just follow up on it, don't get nervous, you already did the hard part!
     
  25. Bob Brown

    Bob Brown bewshit, bewshit, bewshit

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