Seduction techniques vs. gf/wife techniques

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Oct 18, 2006.

  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Since I've been on this forum I've learned a LOT (props to Socrates, Yail, and Poco, among others). The general rule seems to be doing things to keep the girl interested, keep her from getting bored, etc. This seems to work well for hookups and the like. You're also supposed to avoid having intense conversations about feelings, etc.

    But how does the game change when you have a serious LTR or wife? Don't some of those things that you're not supposed to do while playing "the game" have to be done with a LTR/wife? I mean you have to bring up important issues sometimes, like if some aspect of the relationship is making you feel a certain way, etc. Wouldn't you want a wife/gf who would be happy to talk to you about that stuff? The same stuff that would drive off a "hookup?"

    How do you make the transition from playing the game to LTR?

    Sorry if this isn't phrased properly. Hopefully I got my point across, but it's late, and I'm tired.

    I guess I'm asking two questions:

    1. For the stuff that is different between a hookup and a LTR, how do you transition into the serious stuff?

    2. What stuff stays the same (ie. being an "alpha" or whatever), etc.?
     
  2. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    uhm...why would you NOT talk about serious issues with your SO?
     
  3. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    I've been in the seduction community for about 2 years. I've been in a LTR for a year.

    I'm positive people will come here and say "Oh you shouldn't need to 'play games' to stay in a relationship." and they are correct. In a perfect world.


    Women have developed (over a LONG time) evolutionary programs that reside in the subconscious mind. These programs are there to test if she can fully trust her mate. The down side is, it is VERY hard to pass the tests if you don't know they are occuring. The up side is, if you know about the tests you can pass and have VERY high attraction for a long time in a relationship. Remember, evolutionarily speaking, the attraction chemicals in our brain are only meant to last for long enough to reproduce and a short time afterwards. But if you know what you are doing you can keep them strong for longer.

    As for LTR/Marriage techniques, if it aint broke, don't fix it. BUT if you are not happy with the way things are, there are some very powerful seduction techniques that can be applied to LTRs. I've seen guys use this stuff to save their marriage literally OVERNIGHT.

    Head over to the mASF Relationships board. There is a lot of really great discussion going on there every day.

    That being said, seduction can change a relationship in one very big way: if you are not happy with the way things are going you know it is no problem at all to walk away and find another girl. 95% of the guys out there can't do that. You get your choice of women.

    It would be easier to answer specific questions, but there is an overview as I see it.
     
  4. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Personally, I find that you must do the following to maintain a LTR:

    1. Keep flirting and joking.

    2. Go out at least 1-2 times a week

    3. Keep making yourself attractive to her.

    4. Become the father figure, making decisions on how things work around the house. This specifically has to do with making rules and enforcing them.

    5. Pay attention to the fact that when she gets upset over something, it's a test AND it is usually about something "below" the surface. She is mad about dinner being late, it's probably because she is mad at something else. The way you handle the upset is the test - are you calm? Do you say "This doesn't seem like something worth getting upset at, what's really going on?" etc.

    Basically, you have to keep being who you were - and are - so that is why it's better to be yourself from the beginning.
     
  5. Ranger-AO

    Ranger-AO I'm here for the Taliban party. Moderator

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    link :x:
     
  6. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You would. But talking about serious stuff is not part of seduction and hooking up, so I was noting that as a difference.

    That's what I would hope (that you don't need to "play games.")

    How can you tell if you're being tested or not?

    The research I've seen suggests that you are correct about the initial attraction chemicals, but it also suggests that, over time, those "lusty" chemicals become replaced with some "deeper love, long term bond" chemicals. They all had names that I can't remember. Vasopressin is the only one that comes to mind right now. I only know this because, one time I decided to research all this stuff to find out what I was feeling and what was happening to me.

    Are you speaking of particular seduction techniques in general, or does it depend on the situation.

    I'm not sure I have specific questions, but I wrote a long ass history of my LTRs at the bottom of this post.


    Is staying calm the correct action? I'm usually always calm, but my ex would get pissed at the smallest things and I'd be like "ytf are you getting so pissed off? Listen to yourself." I have practically infinite patience in a relationship. I view that as a good character trait (my parents were very patient with me), but I also see it as something that could possibly be manipulated.

    Ok, as if this reply isn't long enough already, I want to throw out some specific examples and, if you guys don't mind, I would like some input from a seduction perspective on what I could have done.

    I've had three LTRs since I was a freshman in college (18). I'm almost 26 now.

    Relationship 1: 3.5 years. It was the first LTR for both of us. We lived on the same floor freshman year, and then lived next door to each other after that. We were pretty much together 24/7, but we both loved it.

    I use this relationship as my basis for comparison with new relationships. The thing I always knew was that she always wanted to be with me (I mean in a relationship with me, not necessarily physically next to me). Even when we would fight, I always knew the love was still there. I could talk to her about anything, piss her the fvck off, and her goal, as well as mine, would be to resolve things so we could be happy together again. I never felt the need to use seduction techniques (not that I knew they existed at the time, anyway), and she was perfectly happy to just be with me for me.

    The other thing that I liked was that she was happy just being with me. Like, we could stay in every day for a month and be perfectly content and not get bored. After having experienced that, I now consider that to be my relationship standard as it is proof that two people like each other for each other, and not because of what they do together. I'm also finding that this is nearly impossible to find.

    I ended up breaking up with her after 3.5 years for reasons that I don't want to get into now. It was neither of our fault. She's married now.

    Relationship 2: 2.5 years. In the beginning there were hardcore attraction chemicals, obviously. But I found that over time, she would get "bored" if we didn't go "do stuff." Now, coming from my first relationship, this made me go "wtf?" She would still spend time with me, but she'd be all "let's go do something." I'm like "what do you want to do?" To me, being happy in a relationship was about being with the person, assuming you're with the right person, and not about what you did with the person. The fact that she always wanted to do stuff almost made me resent her, but I knew she still liked me for me because she'd still choose being with me doing whatever over any other possible activities.

    It was at this point that I realized that I want a relationship where the girl is happy just being with me, regardless of what we do. Maybe this is also a subconscious gold digger-detector. If a girl only wants to be with me when we do stuff, then how do I know she actually likes me? This is also why, in a relationship, I almost always expect expenses to be split 50/50. If girl knows she has to pay her half, and she still wants to go out with me, it helps me believe that she wants to be in my company.

    Over time we saw each other less and less and got more bored with each other. I think one day I realized it wasn't going to work out between us, we took a "break," and then I ended it.

    In hindsight I wonder if I could have done anything to make the relationship more "exciting." I mean, we went out a lot (clubs, movies, bars, whatever), but still. I almost feel like if I have to try that hard to maintain something, then it's not worth maintaining. Remembering my first LTR, it didn't matter at all what we did. We were just as happy laying in bed together watching Simpsons reruns as we were going to some premier club downtown. That's what I want.

    Relationship 3: 10 months. Drama. Unbelievable initial attraction. We both said we fell in love faster in this relationship than ever before. I was head over heels in love with her, but she kept changing her mind about what she wanted. One minute it was "I'm so in love with you I don't know what to do," then it was "I think I need a break." Then it was "you should move in with me," then it was "i'm getting bored." Over. And over. And over. She had a history of exes cheating on her, so I don't blame her for being "afraid," but holy shit, make up your mind.

    It was annoying with her. I'd always be wondering if she was going to cancel plans on me, or when I got to her place if she was going to be happy to see me, or act bored out of her mind. She was awesome and I wanted so hard for this relationship to turn into how my first one was, where we were just happy to be with each other (I was). But she, too, would get bored if we didn't "do stuff," which was annoying. She was also passive agressive as hell. Like, she would say something, and whether or not I agreed or disagreed, she would turn it against me. Everytime she had a problem she wanted me to listen, but when I wanted to talk about something I would be lucky if I got two words out of her. I told her I needed more emotional security from a gf. I know that sounds like a chick, but I want someone who always puts me and my well-being as their #1 priority, not just when they're in the mood to do so.

    When I would use seduction techniques on her, they would usually work well, but I felt like I was playing a game to get a prize, and as much as I was in love with her, it didn't feel like what we had was "real," if that makes any sense.

    It was with her that I realized girls are illogical. She would do something stupid related to our relationship, I would say "that contradicts what you said/did before, can you please explain your thinking?" and she couldn't. She was too emotional, too much "shoot first ask questions later." I can't be with someone who doesn't think about the impact of their actions before they do something.

    I should note, however, that relationship number 2 was the most logical and mature girl I've ever met. We never had an argument last longer than 10 minutes. She would never do anything that would have a negative effect on "us," no matter how pissed or how upset she got.

    Alright, that's my fucking life story, then. I'm not even sure why I wrote all that out. Maybe one of you seduction gurus can use something in there to relate to my original question of how seduction changes, or should/shouldn't change, once you get into a LTR.
     
  8. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Look dude, you're not going through anything that a TON of guys havn't gone through before. We could sit here and do armchair analysis all day. I suggest if you are interested that you make sure your brain is fully engaged when reading, take things with a grain of salt, and head over to mASF. Read the archives (there are about 10 years worth), start posting FRs and LRs and trust me, if you put a couple months solid work into this you'll be amazed at how far you've come in a short time.

    The important thing is to DO it. The guys who get good are guys that post problems, listen to feedback, and make the necessary changes.
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    What's an FR and LR?

    I'll head over there after work. I can't access it here.
     
  10. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Field Report and Lay Report.

    They work wonders and people can give you constructive criticism.
     
  11. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I don't see why you would want something like that. It can be fun for a little while but having no life and just sitting on your asses all day gets old quick. You need hobbies and fun things to do together to keep life (and the relationship) interesting. If you just sit home and watch tv together all day then you'll eventually run out of things to talk about. Wanting to do things together a lot does not make a girl a golddigger (unless she just wants you to spend money on her all the time). You can do free or cheap things and still have fun.
     
  12. tominos

    tominos New Member

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    what is mASF?
     
  13. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    You say that so nicely.

    When I try to make those kind of points, I get called an asshole tyrant :)
     
  14. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Viper: did you author the quoted portion?
     
  15. farmguy

    farmguy New Member

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    To keep her happy after you get married, treat your wife like you did when you were dating, date night, dinners, etc. A marrage is more work than just dating, if you want it to work, YOU will have to make an effort, hopefully she will want to as well.
     
  16. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    Keep treating her the way you did when you were dating. IE dont take her for granted/expect that she will put up with any new bullshit simply because it is now LTR. Remeber that she is still a free and self contained woman, capable of mobility and who has implications and goals outside of you.
    My last (four year) relationship ended b/c once we lived together he somehow came under the impression that the relationship was now my entire life (ie secondary to school, my family etc) and that he was daddy and I should be at home. Avoid that.
     
  17. fray

    fray New Member

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    If it makes you feel better, I don't like it any better when Poco says it... :hsugh:
     
  18. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

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    Guys, pay attention to this. This is as clear as a woman is ever going to make it for you. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FIRST PRIORITY IN LIFE.
     
  19. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I was attempting, obviously ineffectually, to counter boor/poco on their "father figure" thesis
    The transition into a LTR/marriage does not grant either partner free license to begin making dictations or trying to occupy a dominating role. A relationship is comprised of two separate, equal INDIVIDUALS. It needs to remain exactly that. A relationship should not absorb anyone’s 'self.' The biggest mistake that is made in relationships: changing your identity from yourself to your role in the relationship.
    My point, if I can bring myself to come to it, is that if you want your wife to remain interested in you, make sure you respect her, and her remaining herself... not just an extension of you. Failing in this will breed a resentment you will be hard pressed to save your relationship from. She will quickly lose interest in a man who is no longer a fascination separate from herself, but someone imposing himself on her.
     
  20. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Interesting. But guys tend to want to be the first priority in their womens' lives.
     
  21. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    No no, she may want to be first, just not the ONLY.
     
  22. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Wasn't sure. Good stuff :bigthumb:
     
  23. BeHeadR

    BeHeadR Only Slightly Insane

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    for all of you still confused - mASF alt.seduction.fast

    Just Google 'Fast Seduction"
     
  24. bobbarker70

    bobbarker70 New Member

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    My gf and I have been dating for a year and a half and have had alot of bumps in the road. My trick to keeping things new is SPACE. Very plain and simple. When you guys get into an arguement and she wants to wait to talk about it untill tomorrow, let her. Don't smother her with your own insecurities or problems all the time. Be flexible. Like for instance my gf and I have been both stressed out going back to classes and such so instead of spending the weekend I went out with friends, studied for classes, read, and chilled for a weekend with maybe na occasional phone call. Just that little space made a huge difference when I saw her again and I was really able to appreciate spending time with her. I'm not saying let her walk all over you, but sometimes when you date someone for awhile people tend to get mellodramatic about dumb shit and sometimes a day or two is great to gain perspective on whats important. For people in long distance relationships that would be my suggestion.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You can't tell a girl she has ugly feet if she really does, tho.
     

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