SRS School and Depression - I think i need help

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Civic SpiKeS, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. Civic SpiKeS

    Civic SpiKeS Stealing Yo White Wimmenz.... FTW

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    I have a very weird problem that ive known noone else to have... School causes depression for me... Im at the end of my rope here and dont know what to do.

    Background: im 26 y/o, live in my parents attic (dont pay rent), have a GF for almost 2 years, and spend WAY to much money on my car.

    Up until i graduated high school i was the student parents dream of... I graduated with As, AP Credits, Good SAT score and i got into NYU with a scholarship.

    My first year of NYU Depression ive never felt before set upon me.. Looking back i lost my identity.. had no idea who i was or what i wanted to do anymore.. I stayed in my dorm room and stayed online all the time.. Hated myself and wanted to die.. Failed all my classes, ran up debt and got kicked out of school.

    Worked for a while and took some time to find myself.. which definately helped.... my parents kept pushing me to go back so i did.

    I headed down south for a change.. Went to community college in Wilmington NC and in the beginning i was ok but the depression just came back stronger than ever... I just couldnt handle class... Failed everything once again, lost 20 pounds, No money, no gf, no hope for life.

    Worked AGAIN for a while... Things yet AGAIN get better.. I start going out making friends etc etc.. Buy my first car.. put money into mods etc etc... i feel alright... My parents are VERY big on education so yet again i want make my mom happy and they force me to enroll in Rutgers U...

    I dont what to say here but the same thing happened yet as you can imagine..... I wont keep repeating it but heres the gist:


    Ive been enrolled in 4 colleges now and each time i start out well for the first 30 days.... Depression just starts seeping in and takes me over... I cant concentrate on studying, paying attention in class or anything.... My parents are once again putting pressure on me to go back and finish.... At the same time i want to go back because the jobs i get treat you like trash (no $$) because you dont have a piece of paper.... Its like any which way i turn will result in depression. School = HEAVY Depression... Work = Less Depression.

    I dont know what to do anymore...... Should i be on meds? I cant take it anymore.
     
  2. Omerta6

    Omerta6 New Member

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    I think you really need to think hard about what part of school causes your depression. Is it the new people/enviroment? Pressures and expectations?

    What do you find different about university learning compared to your highschool?
     
  3. Civic SpiKeS

    Civic SpiKeS Stealing Yo White Wimmenz.... FTW

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    Last time it was the pressures/expections first.... Since im older now i have work and bills to worry about in addition to school. I ran up school loans from previous schools that i never even got grades from :wtc: All the shit between work and school i guess puts too much stress on me and i just crack. I feel like its never going to end i cant take it.

    The new people/environment doesnt help either... last time i was in classes with 18 years olds i was the only 25 year old jackass in them. Doesnt help the situation a bit either ya know..
     
  4. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    http://www.suce.syr.edu/students/prospective/index.htm

    What about taking on line classes from a reputable place like Syracuse University or other accredited schools? I mean, it's the same work in a environment you're more familiar with.
     
  5. Phat_J

    Phat_J OT Supporter

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    I am totally in the same boat with you. Recently I quit going to school for the third time. Yet to say anything to my parents who are also 100% gung ho about education. I feel like I quit because the pressures/stress/expectations of school that I feel I don't need in my life right now. I am happy doing what I do for a job, so I have decided to stop appeasing my family (and some friends). Most of all you should go to school for you, not your parents.
     
  6. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Can I ask the threadstarter something? What are you hobbies and passions in life? Could you share that with us?
     
  7. Civic SpiKeS

    Civic SpiKeS Stealing Yo White Wimmenz.... FTW

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    Glad im not the only one going through this kind of shit... I dropped out for the 4th time and if i fail out again for a 5th im moving out of my parents house and moving on with my life. Just today she comes upstairs here and starts getting on me about signing up for classes....

    Beating it into my head only makes things worse.
     
  8. Civic SpiKeS

    Civic SpiKeS Stealing Yo White Wimmenz.... FTW

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    Hobbies: Right now i have a GF i spend weekends with and spend alot of time and money on my car. I go out to the movies and out to dinner here and there. Dont have too many friends anymore as everyone is just doing their own thing nowadays.

    Passions in Life: I def want to be successful.... I have high expectations of myself (even without going to school). I work in sales and sales is never easy. I hate being broke and struggling to make ends meet. I want to live a good life... I dont forsee marriage in the future or kids yet... Id love to to own my own business someday and stop working for the MAN.
     
  9. Phat_J

    Phat_J OT Supporter

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    Have you thought about moving out on your own? Could you afford to if you worked full time? Parents have a lot less leverage and input in your life when you don't eat their food. My parents started respecting my decisions more when I being fully self-sufficient.
     
  10. Civic SpiKeS

    Civic SpiKeS Stealing Yo White Wimmenz.... FTW

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    Ive thought about it but i would have to sell my Subaru STi to afford rent every month. I used to make excellent money last year but the company closed down and ive been struggling ever since. The new company started me on the bottom of the totem pole. Im thinking about quitting.

    How are you dealing with your depression?
     
  11. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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  12. poweraid

    poweraid OT Supporter

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    Definitely keep the car it is probably helping, I know after class the one thing I look forward to most is driving my GTI out of the parking lot. I would stay at home, the pressure from your parents may be hard to deal with but they just want the most from you and you can't blame them, especially if they are both college educated. Just take college slow, don't take too many credits, and have a part time job. You have to find a balance between work, play, and school.
     
  13. kingrukus

    kingrukus New Member

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    i feel you bud, i know exactly what you are going through. i failed out a few times, and said screw it...had a sit down with my parents and now i am working a decent job making the same $$ had I graduated. I now want to go back to school however to prove to my own self that I am smart enough to finish and also also to form a reliable foundation.
     
  14. Striker22

    Striker22 New Member

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    If you haven't seen help/doctor then meds may be an ideal start. That stress wont end till something in return changes. Getting out of their attic is something to consider as well, not so much in a loser type of way, but rather it could be a wonderful stress reliever/ a new beginning of some sorts. Be careful with them priorities.. im sure the STi is fun and downright quick, but it doest do much to your advantage/situation, especially with you always dumping money into a depreciating asset. The student loans wont disappear if you continue doing your appearing and disappearing act at these schools either. Be open as possible in a new area, and hopefully you'll find a balance of work/school/social aspects, which im finding out is tough at times. You said you went to school in Wilmington NC.. did you go to Cape Fear CC ? I live down here and was just wondering. One step at a time.. stuff then will align in place all by itself. Keep us posted :x::sadwavey:
     
  15. Wilddog

    Wilddog OT Supporter

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    Sorry to bring up an old thread but I am completely related to this situation. I was one of the top students in my grade in high school. I finished my first 2 years of engineering when I was devestated by depression and anxiety, so I had to withdraw. I've been working the last year and a half at an engineering firm (that probably saved me) and have been trying to go back to school but every time I even think about it I just get nailed with depression and anxiety. Its funny because all I've got in my life is my gf of 5 years and my Mitsubishi Eclipse.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2008
  16. KriZZeaM

    KriZZeaM New Member

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    just so you know there are people, like me, in similar situations. im in my 3rd school 4th major. im 25 and have only not enrolled in classes one semester. i could have been done this past semester but now i need 8 classes still because i have dropped/quit going to 90% of my classes for the past year. including 2 summer sessions and all last semester(5 classes), all of which i had decent grades, but i just lost all motivation and just stayed home instead of going.


    i know everyone puts TONS of emphasis on a degree, but fact is, school and a degree is not a necessity. there are plenty of people who succeed in careers without a degree. you may have to work harder and longer, you may not.


    im not gonna sit here and say "FINISH SCHOOL" im not gona say "fuck it, just quit going". what i will say is dont get discouraged. you will find something that is calling your name. its up to you to make your life.


    with all that said, i would recommend someone to talk to and maybe meds (let the doc diagnose you).
     
  17. BritishHumpingWitch

    BritishHumpingWitch New Member

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    Seek help -- find out what's causing this -- maybe it's something you can talk through through therapy, maybe it's a medical condition you don't know about or maybe you need medication??? But don't wait until it's too late and you end up having a emotional or physical break-down before you find out whats eating away at you.

    Just a quick question, other than working / spending lots of money on your car, what other activities do you have / do? Being mentally and physically active can help ease tension, depression and ease hyper-focusing on whats wrong and negative about your life and yourself.
     
  18. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    I can really identify with that.
    When I got out of high school I felt such pressure to go from school directly to college, it was bad.
    At the same time I was starting school my depression was just starting to hit me.
    What sucks is that I didn't recognize it. I would be 30 years old before I understood what had been going on with me all those years. 30 years old before I finally gave up and sought treatment.

    I have 3 things to say about this.

    1. If your depression is as bad as mine was you CANNOT handle school and the depression at the same time. School is too costly, too important to throw away when you are in a physical state where you cannot excel.

    2. Society places a lot of pressure on people to go to college immediately after high school and get it out of the way ASAP.
    I disagree with this. I know that at 22 you are way out from being fresh from High School. But some people are simply not ready for College when they get out.
    Some people need to mature, others have physical needs or emotional needs that MUST be dealt with first.
    People close to you will tell you that you MUST do college now. They are wrong.
    Your problem isn't maturity, your problem is that you have to get some control over this depression.

    3. Depression shares a trait with alcoholism. Have you ever heard an alcoholic talk about being in AA and how one of the steps is in recognizing that they are not strong enough to beat alcoholism alone?
    Depression is like this. There are people in our lives that associate depression with weakness. They say things like, 'If he would only exercise 3 times a week he would feel great.'. They are wrong.
    You cannot beat this beast alone. You need help. The beast can be beaten. You can go back to school. You can achieve your dreams.
    But you need to deal with this stuff 1 step at a time.

    God, I wish I could go back 10 years and convince my younger self of this. My life would be vastly different.
     
  19. Wilddog

    Wilddog OT Supporter

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    I believe its a combination. For me, it is because my anxiety/depression started in school, so subconsciously I connect misery with school. Its a tie that needs to be broken.
     

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