SRS Scared

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BBQ Monster, Apr 5, 2005.

  1. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I have no idea how to deal with this right now.

    Some of you already know, but for the ones new to OT I will give some insight.

    I was raped as a child by my uncle, he was sent to jail when I was 13, and he is now out on parole and has been givin probation.

    We have to go to court this coming Wednesday, and I am so scared to see him. I have to testify again, and I really do not want to re-live the moment of that terrible event that has screwed me up most of my life. I feel if I see him, I will feel more vunerable then I already am. I just DON'T want to go, and I don't know how to deal with this. I have been to support groups, and counseling, but nothing seems to help me ease the fact that it is not my fault. I know it is not, but just remembering the details is so hard to coupe with. My life was getting better, now it seems to be falling apart again.

    I got past this once, I just don't know if I can give what little strength I have left to do it again.
     
  2. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    What's the court hearing about? Is it REQUIRED that you testify? Have you (or your lawyer) talked to the prosecutor or judge and told them how you feel?

    How old are you now?
     
  3. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    The court hearing is to put him back in jail. He got a appeal or something, he was not suppose to get out for another 3-5 years or something like that. They are thinking of maybe letting me record the testimony and playing the tape in court.

    We talk to the judge this weekend, and I am now 20.
     
  4. I hope they understand the depth with which this is affecting you and show some compassion in not forcing you to endure this again. I had to go through the same thing when my father went to prison.
     
  5. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Did you end up testifying? If you don't mind me asking.
     
  6. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    I've seen first hand the devastation and emotional stress this has been causing you. Im here for you, and i wont let you fall. If you need anything at all please let me know. You're much stronger willed a person now than then, i know you'll get through this. Be safe, and know a few of us are looking out for you.
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    unfortunately in this case, the accused has the right to face his accusers.... perhaps though, since this isnt the first trial, the judge may consent to a videotaped testimony, provided both lawyers are allowed to question you on it.

    A testimony doesn't mean much unless the defense is allowed to cross-examine.
     
  8. No. I had to write out a lot of things, and they recorded everything. I was also only 9 years old.
     
  9. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I found out that it is probably not going to go to trial, they have enough evidence that he decided he could not win. So hopefully this is all over with again.
     
  10. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    That's good news - for now.

    Do you have a plan for when he finally does get released? By this I mean do you expect yourself to be emotionally and physically prepared for it? The unfortunate reality is that he's going to be released eventually, and seeing your reaction now doesn't bode well for then. From an outside perspective it seems to make sense that beginning preparations now (if you haven't already) will assist you in living a healthy, whole life later.
     
  11. Accord

    Accord New Member

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    It's good to hear that it most likely won't be going to trial.

    I agree with meep, you should have a plan for when he does eventually get out to ensure that you're emotionally stable for when it does happen, even if it's not for many years. You should do some things in your life to build up your confidence to the point where you no longer fear him. Take a woman's self defense class, start taking karate classes as a hobby, utilize your right as an American citizen to carry a firearm. These things aren't necessarily to protect you, but moreso to boost your confidence.
     
  12. Gnax

    Gnax Guest

    You're incredibly brave for going through this, when and if you ever do have to do it again. You were already directly responsible for another child not getting hurt and abused by that predator. I can't even imagine the kind of pain it must cause you to have to revisit that kind of memory, and it's a meaningful, noble, sacrifice.
     
  13. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    Thanks you everyone for the support and kind words. As for when he does get out, I imagine I will be afraid for the most part, but eventually will over come it. I have realized now that even tho at this moment he is walking free, he can't touch me. And, if he tries it will just make the situation he is in worsen. I will keep everyone updated. I still have to go meet with the lawyers this Saturday. And I am hoping this will be the last I have to go through this again. Thanks again.
     

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