SRS Same stuff you guys probably read all the time [long]

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hym3n, Oct 14, 2007.

  1. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    I'm not even sure where to begin. This is a long read. Sorry, I've just got a lot to say.

    I'm 19 and in college. Young, but very mature for my age and I really don't get along with too many people my age. Huge drunken parties do not appeal to me, so, the college lifestyle isn't very interesting for me. I have a passion for cars, and honestly not much else. I'm an engineering student, but not one of the super geeks out there, and I generally don't care to be around 99.99% of engr students.

    I'm introverted and have never been one to go out and make friends, but had a good group through high school and into my freshman year of college (same kids, they never went into college and I stayed pretty local). Knowing that the most common advice is to ask yourself if you're the type of person that someone would want to hang out with, I believe that I am. I'm an interesting person with lots to say, a lot of knowledge, and am flexible doing pretty much anything.

    But my problems are killing me at this point.

    I have no self-esteem whatsoever anymore. I've been overweight all my life except for a two-year stint where I dropped 50lbs, was skinny for a while, then put it back on (low carb diet). My reasoning was wrong I suppose, and I'm working at losing weight again now, making the appropriate diet changes and going to the gym with some frequency.

    The beginning of my self-esteem loss was almost a year ago, at the end of October 2006, when I wrecked my car. It was a violent freeway accident at triple digits. Thankfully I didn't hit anyone else, but I was pretty badly injured from the airbag. Those that know me personally know that my cars are my life, and this one in particular had right around $10k into it (and at age 18, that's a fortune). Liability insurance meant it never got repaired, and I watched over the past year as it's sat in my garage. It was probably best that I wrecked and lived, as to teach me a lesson from driving like an asshat, but it doesn't change the fact that the car meant everything to me, and many quality hours of working on it with my friends were lost when I wrecked.

    I picked up a daily driver and began looking for new projects, saving money, etc etc. As the school year progressed I grew a little more distant from my high school friends and never really adapted to college enough to make any friends there. A couple people that I'd say "what's up" to in the halls, but that's about it. No one that I could actually hang out with. My second semester was spent almost entirely alone. I hated it.

    The only thing keeping me through life were 2-3 old friends that I'd see on occasion, and my girlfriend, who I'd been with since April '06. I love her, but more on that later. Summer came around and I started hanging out with everyone again. Life was great actually, and things started turning up. For whatever reason, a couple days after the fourth of July, all of my friends turned against me. To this day I have no idea what I did to cause the sudden change. No one wanted to talk to me anymore, no one wanted to hang out, and all of the sudden, I had a couple start bashing me over AIM, making threats, etc. I completely left the "group," and I haven't seen any of them since.

    Over the summer I worked a pizza delivery job back home which payed great, and I generally really enjoyed. A couple friends (some of the ones that later decided to turn against me) worked there as well, and the place was overall just really fun. After about a month I began to realize that everyone there (aside from my friends) were pretty heavy drug users. I'm not into that, and I didn't particularly mind either. Until it got out of hand and it was as though I was "uncool" for not joining them for even something as simple as smoke breaks. I quit.

    School started back up again, just this August, and I was anxious to get going, start making better grades, and make some new friends... until I moved in my dorm and met my new roommate. He's a theater major. At first, that wouldn't seem too bad, as he's probably more social than your typical engineering student would be, but instead he's the guy that just sits in the room all day, mumbling to himself, doing homework, and never hanging out with anyone outside of his theater department. He will very rarely speak to me, and most of the time, ignores me when I talk to him. We haven't "hung out" a single time so far this semester. Given that I didn't really make any friends last year, and now already into the second year with no friends, its hard to approach a group of other kids hanging out when you're by yourself. You just look like a loser and there's no real chance that you'll actually become friends with random people you don't know just by approaching them when you're by yourself. A big problem is also my lack of confidence in this area.

    Going back to the summer, I began stripping my wrecked car down and selling the parts. This ended just Friday when it was a bare chassis that I finished cleaning out, and sold to some guy from craigslist. It was a hard time for me, and even though I knew it was coming, still affected me.

    Friday night, after all of this happened, my girlfriend and I broke up. Its been in the air for a while lately, and more or less the same situation where I feel it coming, but I've been with this girl for a year and a half, and for the first time, can honestly say that I felt that this girl was "the one." I've only dated 5-6 girls in my time, had one other long-term thing, and a few others that became friends for a few years then eventually faded away, but I never got the feeling from them that I did with this girl. I like to take my time and make sure the girl I'm going to date is somewhat "right" for me before even bothering with them. If it weren't for that, then I'd probably have dated tons of girls. I guess that's what makes this one special to me, because she meant more than the others, and each of them were a good fit for me, but not "her." She challenged me, she called me out on my bullshit, and she made me want to be a better person. She was there for me and she helped me through some difficult times at home, with myself, and with my friends. It just isn't working anymore. She's started school, its a difficult time for her, adapting to a lot of new changes, making new friends, starting a new job, she practically has a new life, and we're starting to fight nearly every day. She needed to get away and the problem is that I understand and want her to get better. Self comes first. I love her with all my heart. Sure, I'll move on, yeah, I'll find another girl eventually. But right now, I'm completely broken. I've been just kind of moping around the house, and I really don't feel like getting up and going out anywhere. I have nothing to do. No more car to work on, no more friends to hang out with, no more people to see or things to do. I have no appetite and just not much desire to get up out of bed.

    All of these things contribute to my huge loss of self-esteem. I just don't have any left, and I know that its hard to get by, or make any changes in your life without having at least a little bit of confidence to get you through the day. Where do I begin? How can I make changes here? How do I go about moving on when there's nothing to move on to?

    I guess what I am looking for here is some opinion or comment or something. Maybe if someone else wants to post up their story if they've got something similar to add on. I don't know how to get through this when I have nothing else that I can do. I just hurt.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2007
  2. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    I think it would be a good idea for you to find something to get excited about. I've really tried hard to devote all the energy I put into my relationship into different facets of my life: my car(s), going to the gym, attempting to make good grades (haha), and generally rediscovering who I am.

    You don't need anyone else to be happy...you have to be happy with yourself. Whatever it takes for this to happen...that's what you need to find. I tell people this all the time, but I've met a lot of people at the gym. I'm there at the same times every day and I finally started introducing myself to people that I always see but have never known their names. I pick up new exercises all the time and it's a good idea to keep your body in check and try new things.

    These are just simple little things you can do. Don't get too bummed about your room mate either -- don't let him define your outlook on people because not everyone is like that.

    Focus on self-improvement. I think that will be a good start to the new you. If you were local I'd invite you over to help with my car. My new rearend should be coming this week!
     
  3. Hym3n

    Hym3n New Member

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    All sounds good, its kindof like starting over with life. Baby steps.

    Right now working on ANY car sounds good, as long as its something productive and isn't just stripping off parts. Good luck with the swap, assuming RX-7, people like you that work on those cars amaze me. Everytime I think my 3000GT is difficult, I take a look at something like your av and wonder how the hell that works.
     
  4. Dysfnctnl85

    Dysfnctnl85 IT/Apple/Rotary/(D)SLR Crew

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    FWIW...

    It's a project spanning my college career (4 years so far). Nothing is stock anymore except for the metal haha. I can tell you one thing for sure though -- there's a heck of a lot more room in my engine bay to work on stuff!

    Baby steps is a perfect analogy. Find a way to mark your progress. For me, I mark off each day I don't speak to my ex.
     
  5. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    I may be a little late on the comment, but i haven't been around in a while, so oh well.

    And as weird as it sounds, I know exactly how you feel.




    I challenged myself when I came to college. I knew no one coming in as I moved 600 miles away. Though, after living down here at Virginia Tech, I've come to love it: and consider it my primary home over my room back on Long Island.

    I'm also an engineering student: Computer Engineering to be honest. And let me tell you: it's hard to stay confident as an engineering student. Everyone seems to be out to one up you (at least in the nerdier fields like CpE or CS) and there's never really a break. My breaks are my class lectures... it's the only time I get to post on these forums or talk on aim or do any kind of research on my own.

    However, I've found a way to meet new people and build confidence: Guitar.

    I sit outside with my guitar and just play. It helps me realize that it really doesn't matter what other people think of you as long as you like what you think of yourself. I found a hobby that I love and I devote every extra minute of my life to guitar and playing.

    I think you should do the same with cars: start a new project, something you haven't worked on before. Join some clubs at school that involve cars: I know here at Tech we have engineering teams that work on cars: alternative energy, baja, autonomous, etc.

    Look through your school, join some clubs, and go from there.
     

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