My standard backstory to help put things into perspective: I consider myself mostly straight (I'd place myself as a 1.5-2 on Kinsey's 0-6 scale), which means my sexual attraction is mainly directed towards women, though I do watch gay porn on occasion and have so since I was about 14. I've questioned my sexuality much since then, which grew into an obsession, and I've been seeing a therapist for OCD for almost nearly 2 years (it'll be 2 next month). One of the things that I've been most confused about is the difference between friendships and relationships. What really is the difference? Especially for gay men, whose main (or only) attractions are towards other men. What is the difference between being friends with a guy (gay or straight) or wanting to be/being more than friends? How do you deal with your straight friends? I've never been a very social person. I've never kept large groups of friends. I never really had close guy friends. I've known my best friend since I was three, so he's pretty much been like a brother to me. Other guy friends have been more "surface" sorta friends, not really talking about life or our problems or things like that. I'm also not very well in tune with the differences between love, lust, romance, affection, appreciation, etc. I've always had a pretty perverted/sexual mind, which has caused me to twist a lot of things and overly sexualize many situations which would have even the most remote hint of sexuality. This has caused me a lot of anxiety and discomfort. For instance, if a guy at work asks to hang out, I think he might be trying to get me in bed. Or I'm afraid of asking other guys to hang out because I'm afraid they're thinking that. Anyway, there's this particular friend of mine that I met through work several years ago. We became friends and talked a lot, bullshitted, whatever. We never actually hung out outside of work though. When I quit and moved out of state, we kept in touch, and when I'd visit, I'd give him a call or show up at my old job and we'd sit around and talk about shit, mostly about computers and games and stuff. We'd just talk a lot, really. A couple years ago, he told me that he could hook me up with a job here that paid rather well. I was running out of shit to do in PA so I figured I'd at least interview for it. I eventually accepted the job and moved back. When I started, he'd buy lunch for me and help me out, he gave me a WoW subscription card. Of course, for him being so generous and all that, I started to wonder. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he were gay, but I really don't know. He has certain mannerisms, and just the way he is overall...I know I'm stereotyping, but I just sort of get this idea that he's not all that into chicks. Who knows. Everyone is different. But I also get the vibe that he might like me as more than a friend, but I don't really know. Like I said, I haven't had a lot of close male friends, so I don't know what it's all about. I'm not used to or comfortable with affection from other guys (and I'm sure this comes from my relationship with my dad). He knows that I'm usually antisocial and he sometimes speaks for me or is protective of me. It's nice, but at the same time, a bit awkward. I'm happy when I see him. I usually talk to him with a smile on my face, and he's the same way. I might be having a shitty day and then I see him and I feel a bit better, but the questioning and analyzing over what that all means just brings me down. We always have good conversation, though we both seem to be a little awkward when we talk to each other, sometimes stuttering or stumbling over words, which is kind of weird. As far as any sort of physical attraction goes, I can say that he is a good looking guy, with nice eyes and a nice smile. Body wise, eh, I guess he could stand to lose some weight. As far as sexual attraction goes...I really don't think it's there. I mean, yeah, he's good looking, but the thought of me seeing him naked or even doing anything with him... yeah, not so much. At the same time, though, I wonder if I'm just not allowing myself to like that, or if it's internal homophobia, or if I really, truly, have no desire to do that. If that's the case, how could I ever even want to be in a relationship with him? Ultimately, it boils down to me feeling miserable over the prospect that, based on how I feel good around him, that it might be more than just a friendship. It just freaks me out. Is that because I'm not allowing myself to enjoy it, or that I'm miserable because I'm trying to force myself to want that even though it's not what I truly want? When I tell myself, "You don't have to be in a relationship with him," I get a burst of relief, but then the questioning comes back, "But are you really just in denial?" God. I've typed a lot of fucking shit here. Thanks to anyone who read it all. Any input would be appreciated.