same problem a million others have had

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by burtonchild05, Jul 30, 2009.

  1. burtonchild05

    burtonchild05 New Member

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    right, so i had a girl friend, we got togethor just before i was gonna start a fucked up moving process, we hung out and it was cool, school ended, we hung out for a bit, then i moved. i visited her every once and again cause the events (road trip, money stuff) this whole process lasted 2.5 months or so. i realized that with college coming up i dont think i want to run into it with a girl friend, she's going to a different school, and we both live in different places. so basically there is always a 5 hour seperation. then i was talking with her and this talk came up and she dropped the L-bomb, the i dont want anyone else, and your the only one stuff and later on in another conversation she started talking about us after college, all this after two months. i freaked and didn't know what to do, so the conversation veered back towards we'll try again. but i know that won't work cause the distance just kills things for me. and my current family situation doesn't help but thats for another story. so while leaving des moines she was gonna come up and visit the next day and i figured i owed her the truth before she made the 350 mile/4 day commitment. soooo i called her, told her just that, and the talk lasted for 30 minutes with alot of i dont knows on my half and crying and what sounded like dry heaving, i felt like shit when i heard that. she then called back looking for a more definate reason, i told her distance, she asked if it were her, i told her not to even think that, she then just asked if there was anyway i would ever feel anything again, i told her let me just have a while to chill with my thougths and stuff. i know i broke up over the phone, i'm a fail. i'm sure its basic stuff. i was her first real boyfriend and i fear that might have something to do with it. i dont know what i really aim for by typing all this, just something as petty as confirmation, or that i was a jack ass i dunno. i wish i had the balls to follow my gut feeling in the beginning of all this, but i figured a summer fling would be fun, and didn't know she would get this attached. soo yea

    sorry for the novelle, though i figure those happen alot in here
    and the lack of grammar, sorry about that too
    evan

    c/n
    dated girl before moving
    moved
    going to different college
    constant 5 hour seperation
    datd 2.5 months
    distance killed my emotions towards it
    started break up, she dropped l-bomb, she talked about after college stuff (she was apparently committed
    i freaked
    restarted two days later, a couple hours before she was gonna make a trip up here, felt i owed her the truth
    finished
    she asked me to think about it for a couple days
    don't know if i'll call her back and tell her or just let it go
    feel like an ass
    yea, just typing cause i feel like an ass for it but i feel it needed to be done, but i now have this feeling of guilt, and i thought this could help

    those are moderately cliff note like
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2009
  2. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    Not to be harsh:

    But what do you want anyone here to say?

    This happens all the time, just be honest with her, and let her know you don't feel the same anymore and both of you should move one.
     
  3. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    If you're done, you're done. Do yourself and her a favor and end it.
     
  4. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Be honest with yourself before you 'claim' to be honest with us.

    Either you want it or you dont.

    If you do, its their for you and it sounds like the girl really enjoys your company. This also could be immediate grounds for stage 5 clinger. I'd tread carefully but if YOU TRUELY want to be with her, then do it. All this back and forth is just going to make it harder for yourself to pull away if you dont really want her.

    If you DONT want her, cut contact, let her know you're sorry things didnt work out between the two of you and right now you think you'd be better off not speaking.

    So do what you told her you'd do. Seriously think about it. Dont start thinking about it then remember how good the sex was. Think about all the aspects, the distance, the school, the girls at school (monogamy) etc. Is that something you want to deal with?
     
  5. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    A couple months before I got married, I felt the same way you did about her. At one point, I even came out and told her that I wanted to break up with her and she reacted the same exact way. The night I broke up with her, she, apparently, was so upset that her mom got on the phone with me and asked me if it's what i really wanted to do. And then my parents got involved and told me they thought I was making a mistake.

    So, I caved. The next day, we got back together.

    In a few months we got married. And 4 completely and totally hellish years later, we separated. She cheated on me, but that's just the straw that broke the camel's back really. A good, solid, valid reason to FINALLY put her out of my life. Except we had two kids together, so now she'll always be in my life in some way or another.

    My point? Trust your instincts. Fuck what the people around you say or the advice you get. And, this may be harsh, forget about how it makes HER feel. Yeah, she'll be upset, but she'll eventually get over it. I find myself wishing that back then someone, anyone, would've stood with me on the night I broke up with her. If I had had just one person telling me that they thought I was doing the right thing, I may not have had to go through what I went through in my marriage.

    Do what you think is right. What feels right to you. Not what other people tell you or what "morals" tell you. Life is too short to waste any of it with someone you aren't into.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    I do find it interesting how closely this mirrors my situation. I date my ex for a year, and then we had a LDR for a year. And that year away from her really killed my emotions towards her and I never truly recovered them.
     
  7. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    This couldn't be more true. Do what you feel is right and what makes you happy. Fuck what other people think... it sucks to hurt someone, yes. You're gonna do it eventually because not everyone's compatible. Infact, hardly anyone is compatible. I can't stand half the fucking people I work with... I've dated god knows how many girls and my longest relationships are 2 1/2 years for one, and 8 months for the other.

    Your concious may haunt you, but you have to stand up to the little bitch someday. He's not always right (I refer to my concious as another being because for some reason I think of my concious as an entirely different version of myself.... he and I sometimes argue in my head. I find myself wondering if this is normal)
     

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