SRS Said goodbye to my first v.finally

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by fhfn2000, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. fhfn2000

    fhfn2000 New Member

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    I've been lurking in here a lot lately, but this is the first time I'm really sharing my story.

    I met Carol at work in the late-winter/early-spring time. She was a client of mine. We developed a rapport, and I eventually asked her out to my birthday party in June. Everyone says don't mix business and pleasure, but I knew I would be leaving before September, so I gave it a shot.

    Soon enough, we were a couple. Things were great as far as I could tell, but this was also my first time doing something like this.

    She broke up with me just before school started (less than 2 months together). She said that with school coming up, she didn't think she could handle everything, emotionally and all. She wanted to stay friends though, to which I said I would try. Sounds like something a girl would say when she doesn't want to hurt her boyfriends feelings by telling the truth don't ya' think? I've brought this up with her a couple times, but she has steadfastly maintained that it was really because of work and school. I ended up believing her :dunno:. Hmm, maybe she's been telling the truth afterall?

    We cut contact for over a month. It was my attempt at cooling things off. I thought I was ready, and tried to do the friends thing. So we did the occasional ice cream and dinner outings etc etc. I felt pretty decent.

    More recently, she told me to call her after class so she could give me a ride home. Great! So I call her but she doesn't pick up. Long story short, I end up taking the bus home (strike 1). In the following weeks, she's never made any attempt to contact me to explain/apologize (strike 2). Over those weeks, however, I had made the decision to stop being her friend. I wasn't getting what I really wanted, and I thought my presence would change her mind. Pretty BS reason for sticking around eh?

    I had planned to inform her of my decision after I finished exams. So I call her up, she's busy at work, and says she'll call me back at a better time. She doesn't get back to me (strike 3). So I end up sending her a short email. It basically said I don't want to do the friends thing anymore, and I gave her the ball if she ever wants to try again (she's never explicitly ruled out a rekindling, but judging by her actions, I know my chances are slim to none). I'm not sure why I felt it was neccessary to tell her about my decision. I suppose it's the symbolic last goodbye. I now have some sort of closure, and I guess it makes it easier for me to pick up the pieces. I doubt it made a difference for her.

    Anyways, there's the story of losing my first. I just wanted to share now that everything has been put to a close. I hope that some people may be able to learn something from it. I.e. Don't stick around to do the friends thing. It's too late now, but I can at least say I'll know for next time. I could say that I was at least somewhat happy with just being friends, but when she started jerking me around, and didn't even give me the respect a friend deserves, I knew the time had come. Actions speak louder than words I suppose.

    If anybody has any tips or insight on where I could have done better, or where I went wrong, that'd be appreciated. :wavey:
     
  2. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    You did what you needed to do.

    Sometimes girls just forget to call back or they are nervous about it. But, after a few times of doing it you shouldn't want to be with her no matter WHAT the reason is.

    I did the friends thing for a year with an ex and then it turned very very sour and now we don't talk. There's just something about establishing control post-relationship that usually is the downfall of the attempt at being friends.
     
  3. fhfn2000

    fhfn2000 New Member

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    In the past, she's been pretty good at returning my calls. So when I started getting brushed off, I knew something was up.

    In hindsight, during our last couple of outings, she did some things that weren't cool at all. I guess it kinda' makes it easier for me to let her go when I know about some of the crap she pulled. :hsd:

    I know it's over and done now, but I'm still puzzled. Why would she ask me to call her for a ride, and then bail on me? :ugh2: If you don't want to see me, why even offer?

    Anyways, I might call up this other girl I've sorta had my eye on over the holidays. See what she's up to. :x:
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    We in here say' if she wants a friend tell her to buy a dog' :dunno:

    I personally think she 'confirmed' her being so busy to you. Was a way to brush you off. I mean if it was vice versa you being the girl totally in love you would MAKE time, no matter how busy your schedule was. It sorta sounds like a ball falling down the staircase, your relationship seemed to crash down in fases. Better then a deep plunge i guess. In any case you've got your answer, you don't simply want to be friends with someone you love.
     

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