?s on childhood sexual abuse

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by meshuggahn, May 30, 2008.

  1. meshuggahn

    meshuggahn New Member

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    So the girl im seeing/very close friends with was sexually abused as a child. She has had treatment and everything and is well recovered in nearly all aspects. The big lingering problem, though, is during sex or sexual situations she often tunes herself out of the situation then when she realizes whats happening she gets very scared and of course things end there.

    Anyone here have/know anyone with similar problems or any resources which I could look at that might help to ease this a bit?
     
  2. Persaeus

    Persaeus New Member

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    What do you mean by treatment? Childhood sexual abuse changes the course of a person's life and is something that a person has to deal with for the remainder of their life. The best thing you can do is give her the emotional space she needs especially during sex. If she needed you to stop halfway through, don't get upset that you didn't get off type of thing. Do you allow her to initiate at all? Have you ever considered leaving sex out of your relationship for a little while to convey that you care for her regardless if you are intimate sexually or not?
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    She might need to keep going to therapy.

    This is the kind of problem that almost never goes away unfortunately and could take years and years of having to get comfortable with one partner.
     
  4. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    She may have certain triggers that remind her of the abuse. make sure you have very open communication with her, and encourage her to talk to you whenever she begins to feel detatched or threatened. There were once things I never thought I could do again, but I'm fine with now. it took a lot of positive reinforcement over a long period of time to be ok, and of course it changed the course of my life. The best thing you can do is show her you love and support her anyway, and one way you can do that is by saying she controls the sexual advcances and she's allowed to only do what she is comfortable with. Everything should be done to put her at ease.
     
  5. meshuggahn

    meshuggahn New Member

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    She recently finished going to therapy, although I am not sure on exactly how long she went. A long time I think. I Try to give her whatever she needs, which can change quickly and frequently. Sometimes she needs plenty of space so I will stay away or leave if needed, sometimes she needs some one to hold and listen to her so I do.

    We have stopped half way through things many times, and every time she says she feels bad because we couldnt finish. I make sure she knows that it doesnt bother me and that it is not her fault.

    As far as her initiating things: she tends not to just come out and start things, but she definatly has a way of doing things that lets me know what she wants. So If that counts then, yeah.

    We met almost a year ago. We tried a relationship at that time and it didnt work for religious reasons which are now all sorted out and cleared up. Since then we have become very close friends. Throughout this time I have been there when needed and shown to the best of my ability that it is not solely a physical attraction. Only recently have things started getting physical again.

    I know she wants things to be "normal" and she feels bad when things do get triggered. Its not even all the time. I was just wondering on specific ideas to help her work past things, but Im thinking they may be too specific to each person to really generalize like that.
     
  6. meshuggahn

    meshuggahn New Member

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    Good to know. Thank you.
     
  7. meshuggahn

    meshuggahn New Member

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    We have messed around a bit, i dont know, 20 times maybe? Had sex once, it all went well. She has had sex before, she was married for a few years. He ended up being mildly abusive and cheating on her. She is 27, I am 23.
     
  8. Persaeus

    Persaeus New Member

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    Well, it sounds like you are handling it well. You are not a therapist though and should not place unnecessary pressure on yourself to pit yourself in that role. Realize that a relationship with this woman is going to be a lot more intense and require a lot more work had she not had this extra baggage to carry around. You really should consider if you have what it takes to be in it for the long haul (emotionally speaking). Endurance is key -- keep on doing what you are doing and she should continue therapy. Time really does heal all wounds so long as the person(s) are taking active steps to heal.

    Good luck to you.
     
  9. meshuggahn

    meshuggahn New Member

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    Thanks for the good luck!

    "so long as the person(s) are taking active steps to heal."
    Those are the steps I was looking for specifics on. I know, like you said, I am no therapist, but there has to be some things I can do to help even a little bit.
     

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