Rough times with the Significant Other

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by orangecuse, Jan 30, 2005.

  1. orangecuse

    orangecuse OT Supporter

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    I don't usually ask for help like this on Offtopic. I generally try to keep my personal life off of here, but I guess I am just calling out....

    Anyway, onto my situation. There is this girl who I have loved for some time now. She loves me back as well. We have even gone so far as talking about marriage, where we are going to get married, and even getting our own house together (all of this is huge for me, because I don't talk about that to just anyone). She is the only significant other that I have ever enjoyed talking to my family about. The thing is, she does not live down the street from me and that is really, really hard on the both of us.

    She has told me that, until recently, when she thinks about the future it has always been with me. Now she just doesn't know. There is a guy that she has been friends with for 5 years, and apparently he really is trying to break her down and start a relationship with her. The thing is, they live near each other so there is nothing I can do. I truely feel helpless.

    Basically she just wants to be happy. She thinks that this guy will make her happy, but she has always told me that "he or no one is you".

    I had planned on moving to be with her this summer. Now here comes the twist, she tells me tonight that "we can't be together". She doesn't want to feel "stuck in the middle anymore" (Between me and this friend of hers). That she just wants to be happy.
    I understand that she "just wants to be happy" and she thinks this guy can make her happy.....but I think there is a difference between being happy and in love, than being with "who you are supposed to be with".

    She has told me that we are supposed to be together. But she has also told me that she can't wait forever to be with me. I really hope it's not too late.

    Should I not talk to her for a while? I think this might be a good idea but at the same time it may not be a great idea. She might think I am giving up and just go be with this other dude.

    Should I just let her do her thing? I really don't want to force anything, but I don't want to lose her at the same time.

    :(
     
  2. suprer

    suprer New Member

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    what the fuck, i had pretty much exact same problem except that she just spends hours and hours with the guy and keeps telling me theyre just friends.. then i found a picture of the guy kissing her on the cheek and she told me he was just fooling around and it came out of nowhere.. she hid the picture and the incident from me for like 2weeks

    i broke up with her..........

    this happened earlier this week
     
  3. Lyzardegod

    Lyzardegod Guest

    That really sucks. Sorry, I think that relationship is over.

    You're right in thinking there is a difference between happiness and love. Happiness is something that you have to do for yourself. If she depends on someone's presence thinking that only they can make her happy...well, that's a hell of a lot of pressure to put on someone. Loving someone else should only enhance the joy already in your life and halve any difficulties that arise.

    At least she was up front and told you that she feels stuck and wants to pursue someone else. Just let her do her thing because it looks like she's doing it anyway.
     
  4. Muerte

    Muerte New Member

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    same here....."friends"....men and women will never be friends :fawk:
     
  5. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    That's a rough situation. She can't make up here mind and I'd take that as a warning sign. She wants to see if there's someone "better" out there for her.

    My adivice is, if she wants out, let her and cut all ties with her. You don't want to let her go "find" herself, only to come back later.
     
  6. DagoRcR

    DagoRcR OT Supporter

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    Here's what you do

    1.) Time to get on your hard shell. The situation is already bad, her mind has already swayed, it's time to realize that and prepare to..ehem, go to war with the idea.

    2.) You need to confront her on it, face to face. Ask her about all the good things you two have gone through, and for her to think about what you actually mean to her. If the past can be thrown away for a new thing, that's her choice.

    3.) Prepare for the end. Fucking 3rd party guys always move in stealthly. If "she can't see you anymore" shit has already happened, she has already done things that make her feel like she has betrayed you. (bad news, I know).

    Cut the ties. Tell her you will miss all of the good times, tell her that she was...blah blah blah, something special. Then drop it like it's hot. I know this is damn-near impossible to do, but she already did it to you there is no hanging on right now. Just hope that if it was truely meant to be, she'll come back. If not, time to move on. :hs:
     
  7. Spaulding Smails

    Spaulding Smails Real Estate Guru

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    cut all ties instantly...she is trying to make herself the victim....textbook...she'll come crawling back when the new thing doesn't work out...grass is always greener...girls are always stupid...
     
  8. Jaccordan

    Jaccordan Guest

    :werd: this man speaks the truth. He hit the nail on the head when he used teh word "Victim"
     
  9. Padme

    Padme Guest

    ive been going through a simlar thing with my bf this week, instead of another girl, its just insecurity in whether im really 'the one'...
    as far as what to do? long distance relationships take two peoples committment, because without it the relationship falls apart
    if she tries to say that you both need to date other people for a while, i would say just end it...
    its not fair for anyone to wait around while the other person explores
    also as said above, i would guess shes already done things outside the bounds of your relationship and her saying "we can't be together" could be a mechanism of expressing guilt
    1. confront her (face to face if possible) 2. discuss committment 3. without it, you have no relationship
     
  10. 900stunna

    900stunna Guest

    First thing you need to learn brother is all women are crazy as shit and they never know what they want untill it's gone. Piss on her.
     
  11. silver4dracs

    silver4dracs New Member

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    I know your pain man. Same thing happenend to me a month and a half ago. This is the hardest situation to deal with. I was with my girl for 5 years and then this. Honestly as harsh as it sounds it is over...... =( You like me can be in serious denial, but her actions speak a whole lot louder than her words. I still miss her like crazy, we went out with each other 3 weeks ago and all it did was bring back all the pain. It didn't accomplish a thing other for me to realize that she wants me to be the security blanket while she is out rollin in the grass with someone else. Believe me, I told her how I felt and how I thought she felt and it doesn't work. Tell her you hope she finds happiness and that if she really needs you you will be there for her and JUST WALK AWAY! When I posted my story, everybody told me the same thing they are telling you and I did the opposite. It just doesn't work, girls sense this weekness and are repulsed by it. Leave the situation alone, don't force anything, dont be her friend, deal with your emotions (this will take many months trust me) and be you, love yourself. I tell myself everyday, despite feeling like crap, that if it was meant to be we will find each other again. The grass aint always greener on the other side but it doesn't die overnight. So move on with your life, if she comes back then deal with it but dont waste two months of your life like me wondering when she will call, she WONT for a long time.

    silver4dracs
     

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